"If she doesn't drink, she's quite nice": The strangest quotes from the district court

Created: 2023-01-02 20:00

By: Rudi Stallein

Almost like in real life: What judges and lawyers have to listen to during negotiations at the Wolfratshausen District Court sometimes sounds like real satire.

© Symbolic photo: Oliver Berg

All sorts of curious and funny quotes: You could hear them again in the Wolfratshausen district court in 2022.

An overview from our court reporter.

Wolfratshausen - You get to hear a lot in the criminal proceedings at the Wolfratshausen District Court.

And some things that the accused, witnesses, judges, public prosecutors and defense attorneys say lend the negotiations a charm like they once did at the "Royal Bavarian District Court".

Our court reporter Rudi Stallein has compiled original quotes and curious dialogues from the year.

Curious quotes from the district court in Wolfratshausen: "Now he's growing a long nose"

"Goodbye," the defendant said as she left the courtroom after her ninth hearing.

Her defense attorney winced and snorted, "I hope she doesn't mean that literally."

"Now he's about to grow a long nose," speculates the magistrate, describing what he thinks of the accused's statement.

"I can't sit at home and let Mommy rub my stomach." The judge shakes his head at a defendant who owes his girlfriend 30,000 euros but quit a job as a field worker because it "wasn't what it was I had imagined".

Since then he has been unemployed and lives at home with his mother again, "board and lodging free".

"Are there any children of your own?" the judge wants to know from the accused.

He gets the answer: "I have no idea what's going on around there."

"Excuse me, where are we?" asks the judge.

At least where he doesn't think he is, he explains himself: "We're not in the amateur theater here." Which is a paraphrase for the statement: I don't believe your statement.

The defendant had just recounted his version of the incident that brought him to trial for attempted grievous bodily harm.

"You don't have to get upset now," the judge explains to the accused, who threatens to jump out of his skin - and adds: "If so, then it's up to me to get upset."

I am fed up.

Give me a clean fine and I'll be fine.

accused in court

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"I am fed up.

Give me a clean fine, then I'll agree," says the defendant, who wants to negotiate a lighter sentence than the five-month prison sentence that the prosecutor has just requested.

“What did I get?” the accused asks in disbelief after the verdict has been passed.

"Five months," the judge replied.

The accused responded: "I'm going to appeal, immediately!

Five months for that shit.” The man had insulted paramedics who wanted to help him when he was drunk at a bus stop with the worst swear words.

The paramedics had refused to take him to Wolfratshausen, which he had "asked" to do after the bus pulled away in front of him.

The paramedics put him out into the fresh air but waited until he got on the next bus, which he managed without an accident despite a significant alcohol level.

The judge can't believe that less than two months after being convicted of drunk driving at 2.5 per mil, the defendant got drunk again (at 2 per mil) and also drove stoned - especially since he was given the first time got his driver's license.

"What's going on inside you?" the judge wants to know.

"Lord Judge," replies the accused, "I'm stressed." "Great," replied the judge, "if everyone who was stressed would drink and smoke pot..."

District court in Wolfratshausen: The best quotes from 2022

"You're on your way to ruin: fines, court costs, damages, it all adds up.

At some point you sit there and think: Now I could have bought a car with it.

And that's just because you can't stand the alcohol.” The juvenile court clerk charts the path of a repeat offender if he continues to commit crimes while intoxicated.

He suggests that the young man be banned from drinking alcohol for a year.

"It sounds silly to say it's not my style, but it's not my style." Accused (26) who insulted a young Syrian as "shitty bastard" and then had a fight with the 17-year-old.

"You know, my parents are from Uzbekistan, I'm also sometimes called a poo.

It's like blacks calling each other negroes.

I used kanacke casually.

But it was still stupid,” the accused justifies himself for calling a young Syrian a “shitty bastard”.

"With all due respect, that's the very last thing," the judge comments on the defendant's admission.

I should be locked up.

If you're that stupid, she said, you should be locked up.

But not for too long.

accused in court

"It was such a stupid idea," says the accused.

"I thought you got it," replies the judge.

"And you even got me an apprenticeship," adds the accused with a visibly guilty conscience.

“You acted so snotty.

I just yelled at you and verbally kicked your ass," the judge recalled of her first encounter with the young defendant, who stunned her the second time they met in the courtroom.

"It was unbelievable back then.

Today they turned 180 degrees,” the judge states.

Judge to the accused, who was on his e-scooter with 1.9 per thousand: "Didn't you notice that you were drunk?" The accused grins when he replies: "Yes, but I can take a whole lot more."

Judge to the defendant, who has to answer for robbery in court: “Does your wife know about the trial?” Defendant: “Yes.” Judge: “What does she say?” Defendant: “I should be locked up.

If you're that stupid, she said, you should be locked up.

But not for too long.”

Quotations from the District Court: Judge declares ban on alcohol consumption for young people

“The boss's wife is from Ukraine.

She told me to take it off,” says the man who taped a “Z” to the tailgate of his car at the start of Russia's war in Ukraine.

"I didn't do it.

I don't do anything on command," he said, explaining why he hadn't complied with the request.

“The boss then asked me to remove it.

I complied with the request.”

"I don't speak German, this is a Greek restaurant," explains the accused chef of Greek origin, who works in a restaurant in Germany, why he needs an interpreter for his hearing.

"It's just the way it is," snorts the accused, who drowned his anger with his wife with a few pints in the car in a parking lot and therefore had to give up his driver's license.

"We got together," adds the man.

"I need you to drive, so you have to stop for nice weather."

"My own drug consumption was the driving force behind the trafficking, but it's no longer in operation," the defense attorney pleads for leniency for his client accused of drug trafficking.

He had proven through several negative drug tests that he had been clean for several months.

"You can drink whatever you want at home.

But then they don't go out the door anymore.

Don't get caught outside.

When you're out, don't touch any alcohol – has that gotten across?” The judge explains to an adolescent what the alcohol consumption ban means, which she has imposed on him because he has already had two trials at the district court after drinking alcohol in public.

That's why she makes it clear again: "I don't understand a joke when it comes to alcohol, there's no mercy.

If you're caught drunk outside, there's a disobedience arrest.”

"Everyone says that when they hear allegations like this.

If we believe that, we would no longer be able to convict anyone.” The judge on the accused, who previously claimed in his statement to the prosecutor's indictment that he had known nothing about the existence of child pornographic images on his PC.

Goassnmas festival?

The name is program.

The intoxication is written right at the top.

Judge enlightens the accused

"Goass measure festival?

The name is program.

The intoxication is at the top of the list,” the judge explains to the accused, who after enjoying four or five cherry liqueur, beer and cola mixtures wanted to drive his car home himself.

At the end of the taking of evidence, the public prosecutor summarizes: “The accused says nothing, the witness no longer remembers.

I request that he be acquitted.” The defense attorney adds: “I cannot undercut the request.”

"I hit him in the face, I admit that," admits the accused - and provides the reason immediately afterwards: "I was drunk.

He called me a whore in front of the cop, so I gave him one.”

“Does it often happen that you drink so much alcohol?” the judge asks the accused, slightly incredulous, who, according to his own statements, within half a day “did one to two bottles of rosé wine, five glasses of grappa, four to five caipirinhas and six Glasses of champagne” wants to have drunk.

"Yes," replies the woman, "I think I'm depressed."

When she's not drinking, she's quite nice.

Girlfriend of a defendant in the district court.

"When she's not drinking, she's quite nice," says a friend of the accused.

"But with alcohol she gets panic attacks."

"Hinterfotzig is a Bajuwarizing expression - and in connection with the word cow quasi abusive criticism.

That is why it is not formally an insulting term for a person in the Bavarian dialect”: This is what a lawyer explains, whose client is in the dock because he called his wife's lawyer a “sneaky cow” in divorce proceedings.

"When you start with him in custody, it becomes a permanent condition," a police officer explains why the accused, who had once again been picked up with far too much alcohol in his blood, was not taken to the police inspection to sober up.

"Bumping around here and making a bad impression won't do you any good.

Then you'd better not say anything at all.” That's what the judge recommends to a defendant who has to answer for drunkenness.

The best quotes from the district court - an overview

"If you already chirp a few at work, you might think that it won't end well," the judge instructs the accused, who went to a pub after work, continued drinking there and badly insulted the innkeeper.

“There is absolutely no reason to trust them.

Not only that you do nothing at all.

They're still trying to make fun of us.” The judge's reasoning why she sentenced the accused, who had not fulfilled his conditions on open probation and also had a friend to do the prescribed community hours, to a prison sentence.

“Everyone tells something different here,” the public prosecutor states after hearing the fifth version of the crime from the fifth witness.

"Only 200 euros in pension?" the judge wonders when he examines the personal circumstances of the accused.

"Why did you work so little?" The answer came like a shot: "Well, because you locked me up so often." The 66-year-old is sitting in the dock opposite the magistrate for the 43rd time that day.

"What's going on?" the judge asks the defendant, who demonstratively sits at the far end of the dock, instead of in the first seat next to her defense attorney, as is customary.

"I'm annoyed by my lawyer," the defendant has the interpreter translate.

"I don't know why he's here.

He has no idea what it's about."

"It's more than stupid when you've been caught before and then get behind the wheel again after seven halves," the judge told the accused.

Because a patrol with 1.5 per thousand alcohol in the blood had caught behind the wheel of a car - half a year after the man's driver's license had been taken away for drunk driving.

You can read all the news from Wolfratshausen here.