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Nitsani summarizes: the beginning of a new year and a troll Israel today


The air is stifling, the rich have completely lost it and the TV provides no comfort • 2022 won't enter the pantheon of cautionary years, but hey, we've got "Come Dine With Me" • ​​Still not satisfied? Blame the artificial intelligence

The first week of 2023 was a symbol of innovation and renewal.

We renewed in a new year, in a new government, with new ministers in new ministries such as the Ministry of National Tasks, the Ministry of National Security, the Ministry for the Development of National Resilience and other revolutionary innovations that will cost us all amounts that are enough to buy Bank Leumi.

Of course, we all want to be healthy, happy, rich, satisfied and young forever, and this is definitely a national mission that I'm sure the new ministers will take to heart.

But in order for all this to happen, and in order not to put all the eggs in the basket of one minister who is doubtful if he has eggs, it is recommended that each of us look with open eyes at the reality around us and face the challenges that the new year provides us.


As in many areas to which we will come, which indicate to us that the world is deep in the era of the troll, the zooist era is upon us, the weather is also getting worse while everyone is talking about it, but not much is being done to stop the deterioration.

Our situation here in Israel, at least in the winter, is reasonable compared to places like Canada and the USA, where even penguins and bears have begun to complain about the minus 40 degree cold, and to keep warm people go into the refrigerator. At least they can leave the frozen products and ice creams out, although to thaw the The schnitzels on the counter will have to wait until July.

From my wanderings in the streets of our country, I learned about a huge amount of European tourists who walk the streets of Tel Aviv and Jerusalem in T-shirts and sandals, and can't believe that this thing with the sun outside we seriously call winter.

It is highly recommended to take advantage of their plight to agree with them on exchanging Tel Aviv-London apartments in six months, which will pay off very well for you in August's Hamsinim.

The time of Mishignes

I like crazy people who bring some refreshing flavor to our routine, but this year we were exposed to some particularly strange behavior.

Kanye West, one of the least graceful and least baked crazy people, sneered at the Jews and their love for money and not rhymes, with some statements that took away the desire to listen to his songs, and also stopped him from several lucrative campaigns.

Elon Musk, who is the owner of Tesla, Twitter and one of the biggest egos in the world, is still making good money and there is no need to worry about him financially, but the mental examination is another question, after a few unnecessary tweets and strange decisions he wiped out some 100 billion dollars for himself.

Why don't you pick up the phone to consult, man?

Vladimir Putin is a leading candidate for the title of Mashagna this year following the invasion of Ukraine, and at the moment it seems more likely that he will end up in Abravanal than in Kiev.

The one who reaped the good points from the matter is precisely the opponent Zelensky, who managed to escape the image of the arrogant Jew and position himself as a fearless leader, despite his insistence on even coming to the White House in a second-class uniform that he seems to have bought at a Ricochet store in Dizengoff Center.

Economics and business

In the summaries of the past year, there was a lot of talk about the crash of some fashionable economic hits, such as Bitcoin and NFT, so if you haven't understood what exactly it is until now, there's no need to start now, and if you haven't gotten into it yet like me, just say thank you.

It turns out that sometimes it pays to be stupid and lazy.

But never resilience.

According to the forecasts, in the coming years we will all have to earn more to pay more taxes, to finance the price increases, fuel and housing, and also the citizens of Israel who have less faith in work and taxes.

To try to make this unlikely matter a little more pleasant, I propose here that the incoming government introduce an adoptive family procedure, so that everyone whose work and taxes finance another family, at least get to know them personally, and thus be able to be more attentive to their specific needs, to be knowledgeable in managing their expenses, and knowing what his money did today in someone else's wallet.

There is also good or at least sweet economic news - sugary drinks have been discounted, and since water is actually getting more expensive - maybe you should consider switching to showering with mint crystal or changing the contents of the faucets, so that if they pull the old prank on you and ask you to check if there is water in the faucet, this time you can come back and say "No, there's coke there."


The viewing figures for the television broadcasts are dropping dramatically.

It was expected, we consume movies and series at our convenience and the kids are generally on Tiktok.

Those who still watch TV probably enjoy seeing people yelling at each other in all kinds of panels, and suffering from the news.

For those who are not satisfied with the election results, I recommend giving up the topical suffering and watching recorded versions of the news from last year.

There they will be happy to see that the Prime Minister is still Naftali Bennett, and Itamar Ben Gvir is just a schlumper who yells at policemen.

On the other hand, they will be frightened to find out that the corona epidemic is still raging in Israel.

The television product that still dominates our screens is the food programs, in their various configurations.

No matter when you turn on the TV - you will always see a chef criticizing some soufflé, someone whose grandmother's cooking makes him cry, or someone who just has onions in them.

My favorite show of all is "Let's Eat With Me", which features guys who, in terms of trolling, could easily be Kanye West's friends.

There are only three directions that have not yet been exhausted in the field of food reality, and I assume that they will reach the screens in the coming year: the dishwashing champion competition, "Master Washing", where the competitors will receive marks according to the level of greasiness in the pots and the way they glaze dish soap on a plate.

On top of that, a competition for Walt's messengers is expected to come up, where they will be tested on tasks such as bringing a pizza to a penthouse apartment without an elevator, delivering soup on a road with bumpers, and extracting a tip from a stingy customer.

Another reality show will choose Israel's next eater, in which a series of contestants will compete in challenging eating, including the boiling goulash task and the expired tuna sandwich.


In the coming year, those who haven't done it yet, including me, will have to log into Tiktok.

Without it, your chances of becoming an influencer and social leader will decrease.

At the same time, if the new cyber minister wants to take on a significant task by which he will be remembered in the future, such as Kahlon and the cell phone reform, I would recommend him to try to get the fax out of our lives.

Reducing greenhouse gas emissions, slowing down global warming or reducing the use of plastic are too complex tasks.

The faxes, on the other hand, are tangible exhibits whose presence in the public space in 2023 is an omission that cries out to the heavens.

In a moment, 3D printers will already be printing cars for us at home, and it would be quite embarrassing if there would still be a device next to them in the start-up nation that is able to print paper, and it also does this while making sounds and noises that wouldn't put a steam train to shame.

The hottest topic in the coming year is expected to be artificial intelligence.

The computer will know how to draw us pictures and write us texts in whatever style we want.

He will answer emails for us, do our homework for us and leave a lot of graphic designers and computer people writing code.

I also try not to be silent about my memory, and this column was written for me by AI software, after the instructions I gave were: "Write an article about how we should prepare for next year. It should be graceful and topical like Jackie Levy and Abri Gilad, with a sense of humor that combines Meir Shalov, Haim Nachman Bialik and Nancy Brands".

Hope you liked it, and if not - come with claims to the bot.

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We will fix it!

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Source: israelhayom

All news articles on 2023-01-05

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