What you don't see on Instagram: This was my year Israel today

Who has more glitter?

The last days of the past year provided a host of videos and posts on social networks, uploaded by influencers and ordinary people alike, in which they summarize their achievements and exciting moments in 2022, and pour out a cohesive vision of goals for the next year.

Judging by my feed, everyone experienced only extraordinary successes and highs.

I don't remember coming across a post or video where someone summed up the big misses of the past year or the moments of disappointment.

There is a reason for this: the personal summary of the year on the networks does not reflect the insights and conclusions, but is mainly another content that comes to brand and market the person or the business behind it.

Everything is legitimate, but our mind does not know it;

For him, what he sees is what exists, and he believes in the shimmering visuals.

This is why the detailed summaries are envious, and then comes an immediate comparison to the lives of each of us.

From there the path to depression is very short.

The summaries of the year that amused and bored me at the same time.

It made me laugh how similar the lives of those who joined this year's summary trend look to each other - that's how it is when everyone uses the same filter and shares only "amazing" and "amazing" experiences, provides only the highlights, and doesn't bother to present a true reflection of life.

The almost automatic tendency to conclude is based on the image we want to present, and sometimes it will not be related at all to an accurate balance of our achievements against the failures and disappointments.

I don't think that those joining the trend are trying to lie about the year they had, but this is human memory - it is selective and deceptive by nature.

We don't remember what we prefer to forget, for example, the fact that we didn't persevere even though we set a goal.

And not only because of this, but also because of the load of alternating life events - we have no cognitive possibility to remember all the events that made us happy and sad in the past year.

There were also some year summaries that made my jaw drop due to the self-importance that emanated from them.

For example, a nice guy posted: "Everyone who follows me here knows that this year I moved house and how difficult it was for me."

Personal sharing on networks will only interest others if it evokes empathy or includes juicy details.

Self-celebration without a point or message is not really interesting, maybe the writer's mother and father.

There it ends.

I went out to check

Despite everything I wrote above, I definitely believe in stopping, observing and learning from our actions in the past year, if we want to develop and improve as human beings.

The theories that predict success also require setting goals, examining failures and learning from achievements.

I had the feeling that it is definitely possible to make a valuable year summary on social networks as well, after all we spend a large part of our lives there anyway, so at least it should be authentic.

Big statements, small successes

It goes without saying that there really isn't a formula for a meaningful year summary, but there are studies that have examined what happens to the decisions we made at the beginning of the year.

So like this: it was found that the more grandiose the statement, for example in the style of "this year I'm going to change my life from end to end", the less likely it is to stick with it.

Every scientist who studies motivation finds that motivation is at its peak at the beginning of a process, and it declines drastically as time passes.

We are addicted to beginnings and also to setting bombastic goals around festive dates.

If you are interested in understanding why this is happening, you are welcome to read the column I wrote in this supplement on the subject of new beginnings.

The studies also reveal that the farther the goal we set is from the starting point, the less likely it is to achieve it.

Most of us also suppress the fact that we already set the exact same goals in previous years, and after the initial enthusiasm, nothing came of it.

Increase income, reduce expenses

I have a funny story about setting goals: when I opened my clinic, I hired the services of a business consultant.

The business was in its infancy, and I gained clients and was invited to lectures, so the increase in income was relatively fast.

When you start from scratch, you can only go up.

Every week I met with the consultant and he used to say in an authoritative tone: "Your goal is to increase income and reduce expenses!"

Wow, does it take years of business consulting to come up with this deep insight?

Regardless of him, I put in countless hours promoting the business, went back out into the world after four years of nursing and diapering, and the drive was huge.

I traveled all over Israel to give lectures for modest sums and I didn't miss any work, not even in free lectures on the mall square when my lecture was accompanied by voices like "The train to Binyamin will leave platform 2" or "Only today 40 percent discount in all the fashion stores on the roof floor."

At every meeting, the consultant boasted about how well his advice worked, and took generous credit without being confused about the rate of my income growth.

After a few months there were no more free days left to schedule additional lectures, so I asked the consultant how to increase income and streamline the work, so that I wouldn't have to work 12 hours every day.

He looked at me in amazement and said: "How do I know. What am I, a nutritionist?"

And that was our last meeting.

Here is a glimpse of my life in the last year:

Looking for the method

I read articles and books that offer methods for summarizing the year, and I decided to try one that would seem free of clichés.

The criteria were: a simple method that does not require complicated applications or financial purchases, one that has been proven by research.

Each summary method opened with the question "What is your achievement in the past year?"

Disqualified immediately, because the goal is not to trust my fickle human memory.

Finally, I chose a method whose instructions are: open the calendar, whether it is a Google calendar or a manual calendar, go through the year week by week, month by month, and write down the significant events that stand out above the rest.

In the guidelines, they emphasized that we should pay attention to events that repeat themselves regularly, and think about what their meaning is in our lives.

Apparently, this is a gray method based on rummaging through Google Calendar, but voila, I was surprised.

I started doing the exercise at 11:00 PM and was not able to get up from the chair until 4:30 AM when I finished.

I drifted down the memory lane.

In my opinion, this is the distinct uniqueness of this summary method.

It does not require you to pull from your memory what you "loved the most" this year, but requires deepening and work, so that the moments will float by themselves.

I'm sure there are other people like me, who just hearing the word "the most" get stressed and are unable to choose.

I started browsing with skepticism, after all, what would I find in my diary that I didn't know.

So it turns out that a lot.

I went through the calendar, starting from the first week of January to the last week of December 2022, and this simple action brought back to my mind events that I did not remember, allowed me to connect dots between different events and draw new conclusions.

Sounds grandiose, I know, but it's the truth.

I wholeheartedly recommend that you take these hours and try.

The loss of innocence

The month of January reminded me that this year for the first time I faced a business con artist, one who serially works his magic and then hurts you.

A renewed look at the amount of meetings and consultations that are recorded in the diary on the subject reminded me how much my peace was damaged for many weeks until I got over the baruch.

The names in the diary reminded me of the people who supported me in moments of distress, and without their wisdom I would have experienced more suffering.

The further I kept scrolling through the journal, the more perspective I gained.

On the one hand, my responsibility for the mistakes I made sharpened, but at the same time I could be proud of myself for having learned a lesson and corrected my ways today.

I am no longer the naive woman I was in January.

Innocence is the most 2022.

Meditative practice

The month of March, when Women's Day falls, is one of the busiest months at work for me.

Flipping through the diary showed me the kilometers I had covered all over the country, while giving two or three lectures a day: Ma'ale Adumim, Tel Aviv, Kiryat Ono, Lod, Kibbutz Dorot, Herzliya, Bat Hefer, Nes Ziona, Hod Hasharon, Dimona, Jerusalem, Beer Sheva, Afula, Mitzpe Adi, Ramat Gan, Beit Shean, Givat Ada, Netanya, Kadima-Zoran, Ramat Hasharon, Holon, Beer Ya'akov.

It is really satisfying and relaxing to list the names of cities and a number of lectures - not just offering to count sheep before going to bed.

It is a meditative action that gave me satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment.

It is clear to me that I will go back to what I discovered in the diary, when I will be flooded with feelings of guilt for allowing myself to rest.

The sky fell

April 28 is a date that changed my life beyond recognition: an examination we conducted for our daughter revealed a finding that required urgent treatment.

It was a very powerful experience to put the date on the annual timeline, when I already know what will happen in the future.

I still don't know how to translate the feeling into words.

worry diet

May 2022 is the most nightmarish month I've had since I was born.

It is interesting to discover in the diary that even in it flashes of routine life continued, such as Sheila Varbel's performance on the Independence Day stage, alongside meetings with neurosurgeons, neurologists and neuroradiologists, meetings that I had not imagined even in my nightmares until April 28.

The month of May included an intensive search of hospitals and interpretations of tests and hospitalization, all to find the most correct treatment for our daughter.

The intensity of the shaky period was reflected in my face in the form of dozens of meetings a week with anyone who thought they could help, and from here the understanding of the price I paid sharpened.

I hardly ate or slept.

And this is an opportunity to answer everyone who writes to me: "How did you get so thin, you're not into positive body image? Why are you on a diet?"

Well, once and for all: I didn't plan the worry diet, and I don't wish it on my haters.

What's more, a positive body image is not related to avoiding nutritional processes, but that's for another time.

The relationship with my sister Jessie has always been strong, her support during this time proved to me that she has my back, even more than I imagined.

And amidst the abysmal anxiety, we were accompanied by a long list of professionals who lifted us up in difficult moments.

The power of this year summary exercise also lies in the fact that it takes me through the names, the numbers, the dates again.

When I finished reviewing the month of May, I felt the need to make a list of all the names that were there for us, it turned out to be a very, very long list.

I wish for all of us to never meet such a large number of medical and treatment personnel in one month, perhaps at conferences and happy celebrations.

Without those people I would probably lose my sanity, not as a phrase but really.

The "For You" organization is an organization that everyone who encounters a complex medical problem must be familiar with.

At its head is a righteous man who, in my opinion, never sleeps, Rabbi Arablich.

He was a significant support and encouraged me in conversations into the night.

The medical staff of the children's triage at the Meir Medical Center, who surrounded and reassured during the frequent visits in May and the staff of the imaging department, the technicians and secretaries whom I have already recognized by their first names, Dr. Shoki Almog and his wife Dalia and many more wonderful ones that I will list in a post on the social network. I am very fortunate that I also have friends who are doctors , who were my think tank without conditions: Prof. Danny Nemet, Dr. Dania Takagi, Prof. Yair Lampel, Dr. Roni Sharon, Dr. Ido Ben-Zvi, Prof. Karso and Dr. Etti Sagi.

We will probably never feel that we have thanked all of them enough.

The journal exercise allowed me to appreciate even more the anchors that kept my head above water.

On the 11th of the month, I went to a prearranged lecture at Kibbutz Dorot, while I was waiting for the answers, nervous.

When I finished the lecture, I asked Shelly, who works with me: "Did I speak to the point? Because I don't even know what I said."

She calmed me down and said that it was a great lecture, that I even made the audience laugh as usual, and that those who don't know me didn't see anything about me.

How much grace there was in this moment, and there is no way I would have remembered it if it weren't for the diary exercise.

On the 23rd we experienced a twist in the plot like in the "Grey's Anatomy" script - the best news ever came at 12:15 that day: the difficult diagnosis turned out to be wrong!

One day I will write a book about everything we went through this month and the deep insights into medical crisis management.

But as in any good scenario, two days later, during a breast MRI that I had as part of the routine follow-up, I was informed of the presence of a suspicious finding.

A biopsy should be done.

May 2022: Goodbye and don't come to me in a dream, okay?

Thanks.

dance of life

The diary indicates a mixed routine, not giving up on life, huge joy from the news about Arbali and anxiety about the biopsy that awaits me next month.

Fly to see Billie Eilish, celebrate and be happy every day of health and love.

A week later, Shihali presents her moving work on Ohad Naharin at school.

The diary exercise made me want to look for pictures of our wonderful girl's dance and speech and to be thankful, because nothing is taken for granted.

Nothing.

It was 02:30 in the morning, I was sitting in front of the computer and cried tears of relief and understanding.

A small comfort

27.7.

the biopsy.

I dive into a wait that paralyzes me, but the diary indicates that I continued to function.

Throughout these months, my friends in the "Morning Show" system enveloped me with words and looks.

Thanks to them, I continued to come to the studio almost every morning.

The most accurate script

3.8.

The biopsy is normal!

I didn't remember what the date was until I flipped through the diary, it's the date when the tension that started on 4/28 finished disintegrating.

The redeeming phone call from Dr. Naomi Weissenberg marked the beginning of a change at deep levels, which is still happening. Life is the most accurate script. A few days after the gospel, Arbel's Bat Mitzvah trip arrived, two years late due to the corona virus. Despite this, the timing was perfect, if only because which I wasn't sure I could join. Nothing is taken for granted.

We also came here to have fun, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

The deceleration movement

Winter, lectures, programs, podcasts, cooking, transportation, meals.

As if everything is normal but no: I decided to learn to slow down, I'm learning to say no to requests, to opportunities.

I admit that I don't have the ability to volunteer for any project, no matter how important it is.

I'm learning that sometimes I have to disappoint and not fulfill the other's expectations, in order to keep me.

conclusions

This virtual scrolling made my story accurate in 2022. It was precisely the dry lines in the calendar diary that evoked an emotion that no smiling photo on Instagram could immortalize.

At the end of the exercise, the instructions are to look for transverse points of persistence: I persist in self-care through acupuncture, massages and emotional therapy.

At the same time, Leon and I persist in couples therapy.

Flipping through the 12 months in the diary required me to read the dates and times, week by week, in which I persevered.

It is a very powerful experience.

And now it's your turn: what strong, exciting, sad and surprising experiences are hiding between the lines in your diary?

Leave the suspicion aside, I didn't believe I could discover anything new either.

I was very wrong.

Pull out the diary, go back to the photos to remember all the wonderful adventures - more and less - you had in 2022;

The moments of fear, joy and laughter.

I am sure you will have a meaningful journey.

Instead of setting goals made of pretty and generic words, take time to dive into what was.

Everything is there, you just have to agree to give it your full attention.

I feel that I have received greater clarity about the achievements and failures, about the experiences and ambitions of the past year.

Priceless.

Have a good year, Amen.

Pictured: One photogenic second of a family on vacation in New York, August 2022.

Do this to me:

If we are talking about summaries, here is a website where you can write a letter to yourself in the future and set the date that the letter will reach you by email.

In my opinion, this is a more authentic and more intimate observation of the next year.

So if you are left with a taste for more after the exercise in the column, go ahead and write a letter.

Info@paulanatural.co.il

were we wrong

We will fix it!

If you found an error in the article, we would appreciate it if you shared it with us