Let me tell you a shocking number. In the past 2022, there were 30 homicides in Hong Kong. Among them, the most were not love killings or vendetta killings, but the ethical tragedy of "caregivers" who were overwhelmed by pressure and killed their loved ones.
Last year, there were 6 homicides involving caregivers. The dead included elderly fathers, sick wives, and their own children.
What can be done?
Members of the executive council responsible for elderly affairs said that they still have to wait for a consensus, and it is not ruled out that there will be one or two more tragedies before reaching the "tipping point" (tipping point) for action.
However, many caregivers interviewed in the "Saving the Caregivers" series of "Hong Kong 01" said in unison that the pressure is on the verge of "explosion".
Let's first look at the story of 70-year-old sister Qin (pseudonym) independently taking care of her 86-year-old demented husband.
"Save the Caregivers" Series Report
(Part 1)
Sister Qin is 70 years old and takes care of her 86-year-old husband alone.
(Photo by Ou Jiale)
Fighting, stealing, can't adapt to life in the home
Sister Qin's home is full of daily necessities, clothes and sundries, but there is no family photo.
Sister Qin said that her husband used to be disregarded of the family, "did not give any money to the family", had no money to support, was unwilling to take care of the children, and often scolded, which made the parent-child relationship bad. When the children grew up, they did not want to see their father, day after day The noisy day and night also made the children no longer live with their fathers.
Even so, Sister Qin still misses the relationship between husband and wife who have been together for many years under the same roof.
In recent years, my husband has often fallen down. He has undergone multiple surgeries on his thighs, pelvis, and knees. , Even the doctor thought that he was not suitable for living in a nursing home, and suggested that sister Qin take him home, or send him to the psychiatric ward of the hospital.
My husband had multiple fractures and underwent surgery, so he was not good at walking, and he had to be supported by sister Qin when he went in and out.
(Photo by Wang Haitu)
Taking her husband home despite objections
Many people advised Sister Qin not to take her husband home, but she was still reluctant.
She recalled seeing the staff hang the urinal on the head of her husband’s bed without cleaning it in the nursing home, which attracted many flies. It's hard to come back."
After several struggles, Sister Qin resigned from her job and took her husband home from the nursing home. "I have a comfortable and comfortable bed to sleep in. Dajili City will leave naturally. I am willing."
Save the caregivers・3｜Social workers call for a list of actions before despair Stop and see the choice again
Sister Qin hung a calendar on the wall with many slips of paper.
(Photo by Ou Jiale)
Physical and mental stress wears down the body and can't sleep
One of the calendars hanging on the wall in Sister Qin’s house contained many notes, one of which wrote: “There is a disproportionate relationship between a person’s dedication and reward, and it is very painful.”
Giving without compensation, taking care of her day and night, what she got in return was physical and mental exhaustion.
"I never imagined that when I brought him back, he tortured my body. I couldn't sleep at all, and I supported it every day." Cleaning up my husband's urine and toilet at night, taking care of three meals a day, showering, and going to the toilet during the day, occasionally Even when I went out alone, I couldn't catch my breath. "I went out for a while, and I was worried again, afraid that he would fall, so I would come back immediately."
Insomnia, tinnitus, bone pain all over the body, lumbar bone strain, the body can't hold on, and so can the spirit and emotion.
From time to time, the husband gets out of control and abuses, repeating the trivial things of the past, mixed with foul language, and it is difficult to stop, "I can't stop drinking, and I keep making noises, so that I feel like I have a fire on my head, and my whole body is pushed to the brink by him." .
Maybe it's my turn next time.
Sister Qin mentioned the tragedy of caregivers
Busy taking care of her husband, her mother died of illness, and Sister Qin couldn't leave to visit.
(Photo by Ou Jiale)
Mother died in the Mainland and missed the last time
Busy taking care of her husband, her mother in the Mainland died of illness, and Sister Qin was unable to leave to visit her. Faced with doubts from her relatives, she felt helpless: "Others don't have such an elderly person at home, but I do. If I want my mother, I won't have my husband." , if you want a husband, you won’t be able to see your mother.”
Feeling guilty, Sister Qin couldn't fall asleep. Watching the video of her mother before she passed away, she even projected her mother's situation onto herself, "I saw her struggling for more than ten days without eating or drinking. Myself, life is so shocking, so shocking.” Relatives and friends asked intentionally or unconsciously, and she didn’t know who would take care of Sister Qin when she was old, and she felt even more flustered.
Sister Qin mentioned that her husband doesn't like to use diapers, and often has to be helped by her to the bathroom.
(Photo by Ou Jiale)
Looking back at her decision, Sister Qin sighed: "I obviously have a good attitude, have a direction, hope to improve my life and take good care of my husband, but now I am completely buried by the current atmosphere."
The pressure of caring is on the verge of explosion, and Sister Qin is supported by her grandchildren.
In the dead of night, Sister Qin would quietly take out her mobile phone, look at the photo of her grandson, and say to herself, "No, no, I want to cheer up my life, I must be very happy."
Sister Qin is eager for help, but she no longer dares to have expectations.
(Photo by Ou Jiale)
Can there be practical support for the policy black hole?
When it comes to government support, Sister Qin has also been in contact with many services. For example, her husband went to a day care center, but was later admitted to the hospital due to swollen feet and interrupted the service. Arrangements; the existing caregiver allowance application threshold is high, and the number of places is small; waiting for a place in a subsidized residential care home, but the doctor said that the husband still has cognitive ability.
There is desire, but she dare not hold on to expectations. Sister Qin said that the government is unrealistic. It provides direct financial assistance, with three to four thousand yuan to meet daily needs, buy nutritional milk powder for her husband, and buy a warm bed blanket. With a little money, if you can take time out to catch your breath, you can go shopping and eat with friends. "I don't want to lament the world, but I have worked hard for most of my life. I want to be happy and finish the next journey."
Lam Ching-choi, a member of the Executive Council who has been focusing on the affairs of the elderly, please pay attention to tomorrow's report on how he sees the current situation.
Save the caregivers・Special page｜Who can support them in the darkness that the international metropolis dare not look directly at?
Rescue the caregiver・1｜A 70-year-old woman takes care of an 86-year-old demented husband on the verge of collapse How to sleep peacefully Rescue the caregiver・2｜A good man suffers from cognitive impairment and becomes grumpy An eighty-year-old wife seeks breathing spaceRescue the caregiver・3｜Social worker Make a list of actions before despair Pause to see options again
