The 80-year-old Granny Yu met her husband who was one year older than her husband since she was 11 years old, and they have been together for more than half a century. However, after the most familiar pillow person suffers from dementia, the former Mr. Hao has changed into another person. Temperament, repeated questions, throwing things around, taking medicine indiscriminately, sneaking out of the street, the more care you take, the more friction you will have.
Uncle Yu goes to the elderly center once a week for a few hours each time, which becomes Granny Yu's only personal time.
She is well aware that her husband's illness cannot be cured, and she hopes that the government will have resources to arrange day care or government residential care for the elderly, so that the couple can have breathing space and enjoy their old age peacefully.
"Rescue the Caregivers" Series Report
(Part 2)
80-year-old Granny Yu and her husband have known each other since they were 11 years old, and they have been together for more than half a century. However, the most familiar pillow person has changed after suffering from dementia.
(Photo by Liang Pengwei)
81-year-old Uncle Yu was a tennis coach before he retired. He has taught many celebrities such as Lin Zixiang and Carina Lau. When talking about the past, he is always full of energy.
But Granny Yu, who was at the side, couldn't help shaking her head and smiling wryly when she heard her husband misrepresent some details.
"When he was young, he was a person with a good personality, but he has gradually changed. Now it is really unreasonable. We are very hard." Granny Yu and her husband are classmates. They have known each other since they were 11 years old and married in their 20s. They have been together for more than half of the time. century.
Seven years ago, she found that her husband became irritable, lost his temper, and cursed at every turn. It was only after seeing a doctor that he found out that he was suffering from dementia.
Uncle Yu was a good man when he was young, but after suffering from cognitive impairment, he became a different person, with a violent temper and even unreasonable.
(Photo by Liang Pengwei)
After Uncle Yu fell ill, the daily relationship between the couple became more and more frictional. "In the past, a good man was ready to discuss everything. Now he won't discuss with you, he won't listen to what you say, but he can give orders. You do things." Reminding that taking medicine and applying ointment can touch the nerves of the husband.
They went to Mong Kok for tea, but Uncle Yu suddenly "disappeared" in the downtown area and refused to answer the phone. Granny Yu mobilized relatives and friends to search for him. After a lot of difficulty, Uncle Yu answered the phone, but she refused to disclose his location, "he said Why should I tell you that Nathan Road is so long, do you know all of them?" After a lot of trouble, he finally found him near the bank center.
Uncle Yu tried to steal it, which made Granny Yu very worried.
(Photo by Liang Pengwei)
Uncle Yu once wandered around in the middle of the night and left home alone. Granny Yu tried to put an iron lock on the door of the house, but she was criticized again: "Why did you lock it? Do you want to do it?" Her husband quickly forgot after losing his temper. The attitude remained the same the next time, but Granny Yu couldn't express her dissatisfaction, and her psychological burden continued to increase. "You said that you have no emotions, it is a lie, but you must have emotions. My heart... I really can't express it. I really have pains and I can't express it. If you don’t experience that feeling, you won’t understand it.”
The backlog of emotions and pressure can only be expressed by occasionally talking to friends, "I sometimes say that I would rather die quickly, but when I die, he is very poor, and he doesn't know how to take care of himself. Sometimes when emotions come up, It just feels disheartening.”
Save the caregivers・3｜Social workers call for a list of actions before despair Stop and see the choice again
Granny Yu is well aware that her husband's illness cannot be cured, and now she hopes that her husband will go to the center for more activities, hoping to delay the illness and give her breathing space at the same time.
(Photo by Liang Pengwei)
The children all work abroad. Although they hire foreign helpers, they always speak different words. Many things still need to be done by Granny Yu herself. The only exception is that when she goes shopping, the foreign helper can stay at home and take care of her for a while. You can't leave him alone at home."
Uncle Yu likes to go to the elderly center once a week to give Granny Yu some breathing space.
(Photo by Liang Pengwei)
Uncle Yu now goes to the senior center one day a week, and has someone to accompany him to chat and play. He looks forward to it every time. He wakes up early and changes his clothes. In just a few hours, it becomes a breathing space for Granny Yu.
She lamented that the resources were limited. "The resources are not enough. If he has a day care and someone spends time with him every day, maybe he will be better." Granny Yu hopes that the government will allocate more resources so that her husband can go to school every day. The center participates in activities, or provides day respite services, to give her breathing space while helping her husband delay his illness.
"Honestly speaking, if I was in my 30s or 40s, I would have no problem taking care of me, but I am 80 years old, so I am under pressure." Granny Yu said that she was already physically and mentally exhausted. My daughter is not around, I hope he can wait until he can be admitted to a government nursing home. I hope that at this age, I can let him live comfortably in a nursing home, and I can feel relieved myself."
Lam Ching-choi, a member of the Executive Council who has been focusing on the affairs of the elderly, please pay attention to tomorrow's report on how he sees the current situation.
The more she takes care of her husband, the more friction she has. Granny Yu said that she knows how hard it is to take care of her husband.
(Photo by Liang Pengwei)
Save the caregivers・Special page｜Who can support them in the darkness that the international metropolis dare not look directly at?
Rescue the caregiver・1｜A 70-year-old woman takes care of an 86-year-old demented husband on the verge of collapse How to sleep peacefully Rescue the caregiver・2｜A good man suffers from cognitive impairment and becomes grumpy An eighty-year-old wife seeks breathing spaceRescue the caregiver・3｜Social worker Make a list of actions before despair Pause to see options again