Ah Sheng is in his 50s this year. His older brother works out of town and his older sister left Hong Kong a few months ago, leaving him alone in Hong Kong to take care of his 88-year-old mother. It is lonely and long, as if there is no end in sight.
Seeing that her mother's self-care ability and cognitive ability are showing signs of decline, Ah Sheng is very worried. He is afraid that his mother will need some personal care in the future, and he will not be able to help him. He is also worried that he will not be able to balance life and work by then.
He sought carer support services several times, but was in vain.
"Rescue the Caregivers" Series Report
(Part 6)
Ah Sheng is most afraid that if his mother's health deteriorates, it will be difficult to balance work, personal life and care in the future.
(Photo by Xia Jialang)
Notified only after the family immigrated to Hong Kong
Ah Sheng's sister left Hong Kong a few months ago, and only revealed that she was an immigrant after arriving in Hong Kong. He never came back, which made him feel that his family left him and stayed in Hong Kong to take care of his mother independently. "We are relatives, so we should discuss it with us. What arrangement, what can help me take care of my mother before leaving. You seem to ignore it at all, as if you have finished your sentence and left without saying goodbye, very angry." Several months later, sometimes he felt angry and meaningless, but he still couldn't help saying : "The mood is uncomfortable. These are family members and relatives, but it seems that they are not even as good as friends."
Ah Sheng's elder brother works out of town, and even in Hong Kong, his elder sister rarely participated in taking care of her. In the past 20 years, he has been taking care of his mother mainly.
But in the past, when there were emergencies, I could still discuss it with my sister, but now I can only solve it by myself.
Hong Kong's aging population is serious, and support for caregivers is still scarce.
(Photo by Xia Jialang)
The mother's ability to take care of herself is weakened and "hard food" alone
After being infected with the new crown virus, Ah Sheng noticed that her mother's self-care ability and cognitive ability seemed to be gradually declining. It was as simple as turning on a hot water heater, but her mother repeatedly asked several steps that she was familiar with in the past.
Aware of the changes in his mother, Ah Sheng began to worry. After leaving home for a while, he would worry that his mother would fall at home. When he thought that his mother might need someone to help her go to the toilet and take a shower in the future, he bluntly said that he was worried that he would not be able to take care of her.
All "hard food", the road of independent care seems to have no end, it seems endless, "If I can't spare time, my job is unstable, and my friends are rarely contacted, it will affect the balance of all aspects of my life."
Ah Sheng has mainly taken care of his mother for more than 20 years. Ah Sheng also has doubts and complaints, and believes that his mother is also responsible.
(Photo by Xia Jialang)
Taking care of mothers without taking turns also has responsibilities
The main force of taking care of her mother for more than 20 years, Ah Sheng also questioned and complained, "I think my brother and sister have given me the entire responsibility, and my mother also has a little responsibility, because my mother also feels that it should be me. "
Every time he sees neighbors, relatives and friends with several brothers and sisters taking turns taking care of his parents, he has mixed feelings and has argued with his mother many times over this.
"My mother was also very stubborn at the beginning, and felt that she was right. When I said it many times, she also felt that she had not handled it well, and she also felt that she had hurt me a little."
Ah Sheng confessed that he thought about moving away and not living with his mother like his older brothers and sisters, "But you see her alone, if I move away, and no one cares about her, I will be very worried about her."
Ah Sheng had taken the initiative to seek caregiver support services, but failed several times.
(Photo by Xia Jialang)
Seeking caregiver services repeatedly fails
Wanting to take care of her as much as possible and maintain a balance in all aspects of her life, Ah Sheng took the initiative to seek support services from caregivers, but failed several times. The staff who provided home-based rehabilitation services for his mother forced him to find services elsewhere.
The caregiver group sharing activities I found on the Internet were unable to participate in cross-district, and there was no such service in the community where he lived, which made it difficult for him to understand: "Why do those government agencies only take care of the elderly and not caregivers? ?”
A Sheng got to know the social worker of Lifeline and began to participate in the activities. He said that although he would not directly solve the problems of life and care, it could at least help him calm down and find peace of mind: "Don't tell me there is a solution. method, but someone listens, and the whole person is much more relaxed.” He repeatedly emphasized that he hoped that the government would provide psychological counseling for caregivers, help caregivers adjust their psychology, continue to take care of the elderly, and continue their own lives.
Wu Zhikun, executive director of Lifeline (left), and Qin Weide, program planning manager of Lifeline (right).
(Photo by Xia Jialang)
Wu Zhikun, executive director of Lifeline, pointed out that most of the people who leave under the wave of immigration are in their 30s and 40s. Their parents don’t need to be cared for now, and the situation is not considered serious. At the age of 80, if only one child stays in Hong Kong to take care of him, the pressure on that child will be enormous.
Wu Zhikun suggested that family members of immigrants should take the initiative to contact their family members in Hong Kong. It is best to reach a consensus on care matters so that the other party knows that they are not responsible for the care alone. At the same time, they should trust and respect each other and avoid "pointing". Those who only add stress and emotions.
Qin Weide, program planning manager of Lifeline, pointed out that when family members leave Hong Kong suddenly, the caregivers who stay behind will have a lot of emotions. If other life and work pressures are added, their emotions will be more complicated.
Qin Weide continued to point out that although caregiver support services in the market place have begun to increase in recent years, there is still no comprehensive service, and the existing social welfare services have their own limitations. Can provide support for underage carers.
He hopes that the government will continue to allocate more resources, study the definition of caregivers, and gradually provide more appropriate services.
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