Between 'I like' and insecurity: how social networks affect relationships

"I don't usually look at my partner's social networks, but when you go into suspicious mode and such, it helps to know what is happening."

"Social networks are not important, but I can't help but give them importance."

"It seems tremendously immature to me to keep an eye on someone else's Instagram."

"To know the hobbies of the person you like, it is good to check their networks, for the rest, no case."

"I admit that I am too obsessed with it and I am in continuous investigation, of all and all."

“It is indicative of the type of photos that you post (alone, as a couple) and the people who

you ”.

These testimonials arose as a result of asking on my Instagram account how much importance is given to social networks in relationships.

Araceli Álvarez, psychologist, sexologist and family mediator, also responded to that question from her professional experience: "In consultations I see conflicts, insecurities, jealousy quite often... because of what happens in the networks."

More information

The soft presentation or the official launch: this is how the new (and old) generations introduce their partners on social networks

Nine out of ten Spaniards use social networks and spend almost two hours a day on them, according to the Digital 2022 report by the We are social agency and the Hootsuite platform.

The presence that sites like Instagram, WhatsApp and Facebook, among others, have in our lives is undeniable and it is not surprising that it also gets into affective relationships.

Posting a profile picture with your partner on a social network or indicating that you are in a relationship is associated with greater happiness and satisfaction, according to the article.

by Lozano M., C., Antón E., S., Escamilla M., V. and Barajas M., MW (2019).

But these tools, which make it easy to meet people at any time, are also related to jealousy and fear of infidelity.

They allow us to observe how the couple relates to others and that can arouse fears and insecurities.

A

given to a certain photo is evidence of attraction to other people, a comment allows you to realize how the couple interacts with others.

Eyes that see, heart that feels.

According to the United Nations, 95% of aggressive behaviors that take place in cyberspace are directed towards women and carried out by men.

In social networks, situations that occur in

reality are reproduced .

Thus, they are also tools through which violence is exercised and it is women who receive it more.

According to the United Nations, 95% of aggressive behaviors that take place in cyberspace are directed towards women and carried out by men.

The actions of gender violence that occur most in the

environment are control through social networks, the theft of passwords, the dissemination of intimate and personal matters, the expansion of sexual content and the issuance of threats and insults.

Despite all this, the effect is not always negative.

In the study Influence of social networks on couple relationships, carried out by researchers from the Faculty of Human and Social Sciences of the Cooperative University of Colombia, it was found that the surveyed couples claimed that social networks had a more positive influence (60 %) than negative (40%) in their relationship.

Among the positive aspects, they highlighted that it facilitates interaction and communication.

In the second group, it encourages jealousy and distrust.

Araceli Álvarez adds that social networks can create false expectations about relationships and, on the other hand, “they generate a sensation of immediacy that means that, many times, we are not able to manage that there is not a response as quickly as we would like.

This generates distrust, reproaches and pressure”.

But she also highlights the positive part in that they facilitate the maintenance of relationships with our close environment, regardless of the distance.

“In the end, a mere instrument that is neither good nor bad is demonized,” she concludes.

matter of age

If one takes into account that the use of social networks is greater among youth, one would expect that the influence of Instagram, WhatsApp and others would be more pronounced among younger couples.

Álvarez confirms this: “Older couples, in many cases, do not use them on a regular basis or have them for informational use or to have contact with family and friends, and they tend to set more defined limits in terms of their privacy.

However, when something related to this issue happens, these more mature couples take the conflict to deeper extremes, it removes its foundations in a more intense way.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Araceli Álvarez (@sinsorlogeision)

The psychologist and sexologist finds more complications due to social networks between recent couples, where the bond is not yet stable.

"Although there are also in consolidated couples in which there have been situations of jealousy or in which there have been communication problems," she acknowledges.

In consultation, explains Álvarez, these difficulties are usually worked on both individually and as a couple: “At an individual level, we address issues such as emotional dependence, impulsiveness control and self-esteem.

As a couple, we will work on irrational beliefs about relationships (often fueled by the myths of romantic love), non-violent communication and healthy emotional expression”.

It is also important to make clear what are the limits that separate what is shared as a couple with privacy and individual freedom.

“All of this tends to have a positive effect on mutual trust and the establishment of adaptive behaviors,” she says.

Technology has the power to start, build and maintain a relationship, but also to damage it.

It depends on the use we give to that tool.

And here, paraphrasing the French writer Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, perhaps it is worth remembering that what is essential is invisible to social networks.

Arola Poch

is a psychologist from the University of Barcelona, ​​a graduate in Audiovisual Communication from the UOC and a sexologist from the Camilo José Cela University.

She is an expert in sexual education and disclosure, with several published books.