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He will raise you up, you will sit him down Israel today

2023-01-26T13:39:56.659Z


We are fixed and clumsy creatures, it is difficult for us to change, so we prefer to dilute initiatives that may harm basic values, such as lying on the sofa in torn sweatshirts • For the common male, I have prepared a "do's and don'ts" guide


This column is of course intended for both men and women, and God forbid it should not be seen as a gender plot, but in my experience, the traits that will be described here are more typical of men than women, and with modern couples it is the other way around, accept my forgiveness.

Every married man knows this: we are fixed and awkward creatures, we don't like to be moved out of our comfort and rest zone, we have a hard time with changes, so we prefer to reduce reforms and dilute initiatives that may harm basic values ​​such as reading a newspaper in the bathroom, watching football or lying on the couch in torn sweatpants.

It's not clear where it comes from - were we born light horses or did we acquire this trait over the years and with the developments in the world of mattresses - but if I rummage through my childhood memories, I have to admit that I was like this back when my mother asked me to do things in the sixth grade.

"Tidy up your room!" - "Why now?

I'm learning" (lol, learning to engrave on the wall).

"Go to the grocery store" - "What for? There's plenty of food at home."

"Set the table" - "For what?"

In any case, there is no food at home.'

Then, when we enlisted, the army upgraded our evasion skills to the level of an art, including idiotic and exaggerated excuses, such as killing grandmothers who had already died long before, and the best in the field also faked gimmicks and were exempted from various chores, including claims that you can't wash pots in the kitchen because you're allergic to water.

As a soldier, you learn that service is basically a game for time, and if you manage to move as little as possible over the course of three years without attracting the attention of the system, you've played it.

Marriage is a much longer and more complex game, and as the relationship goes on, so do the excuses, the little lies are repeated and the bluffs become predictable and devoid of excitement.

Once again the women make initiatives and the men look for ways to cancel or reject them elegantly, or at least as elegantly as someone walking around the house in underwear and a shirt with tahini stains can do something elegant.

It starts from small sessions and can reach life-changing catastrophes, so it's important to be creative and not to be silent on excuses and excuses.

I don't have real solutions, but it is important to at least pay attention and try to neutralize the mines ahead of time to the best of your ability, style and talent.

There are men who immediately at the beginning of the marriage will pretend to be complete idiots, and give their partner the feeling that this is a case of impersonality in such a serious situation that there is no point in expecting or asking anything from him.

However, despite the convenience of the idiot tactic, going in this direction could lead to a snowball, at the end of which your wife will move on to another husband who is a little less stupid and lazy and a little richer and full of energy, who will also agree to go with her to a folk dance class without telling her that his leg hurts and the doctor forbade him to perform a right-hand step .

Clothing, footwear and underwear

An innocent sentence like "Do you mind coming to the mall with me?" was the start of a lot of trouble.

Winter is hard to come by, the city is full of three-in-a-hundred deals, the eternal love of your youth will take you on a tour of stores under the guise of "drinking coffee and coming back", and when you get to the arena you will suddenly say the phrase "you have no clothes".

The fact that your closet is bursting with no room for another pair of underwear has nothing to do with this statement, nor does it have anything to do with the fact that, for you, you would always prefer to throw on your crumbling chem course graduation sweatshirt, so why do you even need new clothes?

We all know this look.

A man with a blank and defeated look is led to the measuring booth with 15 t-shirts on his arm that he doesn't understand the difference between them, and behind his wife is conducting an alert conversation with a peafowl salesman full of ambition, with rhythmic and disturbing music in the background.

The man is disgusted by the chubby hairy guy he sees in the mirror, the shirts are tight, itchy, and he mostly doesn't want to spend money on them.

Worse than that, sometimes his tacit agreement to buy a single T-shirt for him is a reason to later enter a women's clothing boutique, where the items are much more expensive and the shopping takes longer.

try to avoid

Hosting

The sentence "We haven't invited my family in a long time" has serious consequences, and all means are kosher to turn the tide, move the meeting and turn from a tired host into a complaining guest.

There are of course men who are chefs and investors who will see such an event as a culinary and social challenge, but normal people see cooking and hosting as unnecessary burden and trouble, where the cost outweighs the benefit, if there is any at all.

The preparations for such a reception will probably include a woman who turns from a gentle and peaceful type into a nervous kitchen sergeant at a rookie base, and the authoritative man will function as a frightened errand boy, who will be sent to collect a bouquet of flowers from the nursery, will scold the writer several times because last time she forgot basil, will be asked to bring out chairs and a folding table, To be able to straighten it without looking for installation instructions on the Internet, to dress like a human and to be nice to the family.

For him, what was wrong with another quiet evening in front of "Olan Shishi" with a slice of challah, yellow cheese, a glass of cold cola and some olives?

Plastering, renovation and refurnishing

When your wife starts looking through design magazines, walking around the house with a meter and looking at the walls with a thoughtful look and with her head to one side, there is a good chance, I mean not very good, that you have a renovation project in front of you that you are really not interested in.

This is a huge headache whose contribution to the rest of your life is questionable, but you will probably need donations after it, because its cost is unlike any event you know.

From your point of view, even making the bed in the morning is unnecessary, after all, in a few hours you return to the same bed for the night, so surely there is no reason to change pipes, refurnish, put parquet and destroy walls just to put up other walls.

Try to postpone the event to another time, while throwing out sentences like "we'll find a sinkhole here", "we'll wait for the kids to leave/when we finish the mortgage/when the government changes" and "it's not a good time, the Dow Jones is down and Neptune is in retreat".

Just keep in mind that if she starts using terms like "the house doesn't flow to me", "the space doesn't excite me" and "I have a problem with the feng shui" you're gone, and prepare for an overdraft at the level of China's GDP.

trips

A sentence like "The children don't know the country" is dangerous to the peace of every man who loves to play a game.

There are of course men who are fans of motorcycles, jeep trips and hiking, but if you are not one of these perverts, be careful, because you are about to find yourself on a trip to the Negev or camping in Nahal Amud, and instead of snoring in your luxurious bed, you will be sharing a tent with a family of hungry rustlers.

In your partner's wild imagination, you are one of those men who build a wooden house for the children and have a Swiss army knife in your pocket, a coffee kit and a razor in your luggage, so what if you can barely set up an espresso machine, and the closest you got to a wooden house was singing "The Pistachio House".

The only reason for agreeing to a trip to Israel is to torpedo her plans for a trip abroad that will cost twice as much (although even that is no longer certain).

If she still asks you to book flights, try to convince her that it is better to fly to Paris with a seven-hour connection through Turkey, not because it costs less, but because that way the children will get to know new countries and improve their geography score.

Evacuation project

When the phrase "must tidy up the closet/fridge/storage room" appears, you are in trouble.

This is a task that involves not only physical effort, carrying a ladder and climbing to a height, but also mental difficulty as a result of parting with objects that are dear to your heart (and only to him, apart from that they are not worth a shekel) such as the collection of cables for Nokia chargers from the 90s (perhaps one day I will do a retrospective exhibition of phones old ones I bought).

Organizing and refreshing the fridge can also be challenging.

An average man is convinced that cottage cheese is fresh as long as it is still white and no living creatures come out of it.

The expiration date has no meaning, these are just numbers, and the smell test is the decisive test, even if you have a cold.

One of the ways to reduce the damage and keep Bolognese a few days old, is to demonstrate largesse with cheap things and flow easily with a throw in an old baguette, which is already so hard that it can only be used as a loam.

As mentioned, there are no solutions in this column for the partner's dangerous initiatives, but the very awareness of the dangers is important.

Successfully.

yairn@israelhayom.co.il

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Source: israelhayom

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