'Because I said so': what you can learn from this phrase (and why you should avoid it)

"Because I say it".

The phrase, so often used as a

to sons and daughters, summarizes a representative parenting style from another era.

However, even if this authoritarian model loses its validity, this type of response survives and, on occasions, comes to light even among families that prefer to educate based on

and

.

Inherited

plays a fundamental role here.

For the generations that grew up with this affirmation as the only possible explanation, it is not always easy to offer other kinds of answers.

Analyzing that family legacy, then, will be one of the keys to not repeat history.

Answers like these present models of behavior where one decides and another obeys without any explanation involved.

"It is an authoritarian, oppressive parenting model that does not consider the child's emotions, their own points of view or their desires, where there is no room for debate, nor the possibility of opening a dialogue or reflecting on what each one It happens to him,"

, a psychologist specializing in parenting

, told Clarín.

As he maintained, this responds to other times, where "children were seen as

."

“We are a generation that comes from that upbringing, but our job is to make a change in what we learned, try to review it and transform it into a less oppressive and more open upbringing,” she added.

The inherited parenting model plays a fundamental role on the current ways of maternity and paternity.

Photo illustration Shutterstock.

Why avoid these types of responses?

"I tell them when they rot me arguing non-stop," said

, 40.

"

," said the woman who has a 4-year-old daughter and an 8-year-old son.

"It is not the answer that I always have at hand, my house is a place where everything is debated," the mother clarified while maintaining that this answer "serves to show that there is an adult who makes the decisions."

Acorn: "The 'because yes' or 'because I say so' could be an answer if it is accompanied by an explanation." Photo illustration Shutterstock.

Thus, in his family the 'because I said so' “is to counteract everything else”.

“All good with horizontality, but they need a frame.

Like so we don't look like a cooperative,” she slipped.

"Sometimes I use this answer," acknowledged

, mother of two boys, ages 13 and 11, respectively.

The woman (45) mentioned that it is something that happens "

".

Mariela assured that “the explanation is always there before, but if they insist, there goes the 'it's done and period'.

It is almost always due to screens and exposure times.

It's never enough for them and when I want them to stop, they ask why.

”.

Ideally, all refusals to children have an explanation.

Photo illustration Shutterstock.

Acorn (on Instagram, @maternidad_crianza_familia) explained that "'because yes' or 'because I say so' could be an answer

."

So, the ideal would be that all the refusals to children have an explanation, said the expert, since when the child asks, he does so guided by the drive to know.

Otherwise, "what this sentence does is close the communication" and leaves out both the subjectivity of the child and his wishes.

This type of message is “a way of parenting in which the rules are guided based on the needs of the adult.

Photo illustration Shutterstock.

The specialist emphasized that what this type of message denotes is "a mode of upbringing in which

, the adultocracy, where decisions are based on oppression, mistreatment, punishment and generational inheritance (what I learned in my childhood I transmit to you without reviewing it previously)”.

At a certain age, boys and girls develop different traits and components of their personality.

One of them is your

, which includes -among other things- fantasies, desires and choices.

By answering them with these kinds of phrases, children are not allowed to learn about their desires, or connect with their emotions in order to manage them.

Limits are important but require explanation.

Photo illustration Shutterstock.

“Limits are important, 'no' is healthy and you have to put it”, but all this requires an explanation.

Authority must be built in a respectful and healthy way.

"There the paternal and maternal role is fulfilled from love and empathy, with decisions that are guided according to the needs of each child," said the psychologist.

Opening up dialogue is important, among other things, because it fosters a bond of

between fathers, mothers and children, something essential both during childhood and in adolescence for boys.

Openness to dialogue is important because it fosters the bond of trust between fathers, mothers and children.

Photo illustration Shutterstock.

"The only thing 'because I said so' does is not allow you to bond with your son in a respectful way," confirmed Acorn.

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