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What is the correct way to argue in a couple

2023-02-06T09:38:13.972Z


Avoiding criticism, being assertive and 'encapsulating' problems are part of the recommendations when starting a couple's discussion.


Is there the right place, time and way to have a

couple discussion

?

Probably complying with all these premises is not always possible, but taking them into account helps to maintain healthier ties.

"It is not that there is a correct way to discuss, but that certain advice can be given so that a discussion does not become a crisis and that this

crisis

does not become something even more complicated," explained

Clarín

Sebastián Girona

, a psychologist specializing in links (on Instagram, @sebastiangirona).

These types of exchanges are necessary and require learning.

“Couples are made up of people and, even though they have many things in common, there are also

differences

.

And from those differences certain conflicts will appear”, said the therapist.

According to him, since we can't avoid fighting because it's inherent in the bond, then we have to try to do it in the best possible way.

But, beyond the forms, it is essential to keep in mind that

there will be problems that can be solved and others that cannot.

In a couple there will be problems that can be solved and others that cannot.

Photo illustration Shutterstock.

“We have to treat those solvable problems, because they do not resolve themselves.

And with those that do not have a solution, we have to try to understand that sometimes they have to do with structural issues of each one, ”said Girona.

Meanwhile, the specialist stressed that “in all discussions there is always a bit of reason on each side.

It is very rare to find a problem where one of the two has no

responsibility

and it is completely the other's."

The consequences of avoiding an argument

Among people who prefer to avoid conflict, there is a negative connotation around what an argument is supposed to be.

Photo illustration Shutterstock.

Among people who prefer to avoid

conflict

, there is a strong negative connotation around what is supposed to be a couple's argument.

The risk of not facing these "fights" is that the sum of disagreements that are hidden can come to light in a more serious way.

“There are many people who avoid conflict and, as soon as the problem appears, they don't want to address it (because they don't like fights, because they get nervous, etc.).

This is a short-term solution, which solves at the moment but generates bigger problems in the medium and long term”, assured Girona.

The professional mentioned that in "those couples who never fight, one of the two is keeping too many things, is keeping too quiet and, at some point, they can all appear together and explode."

"And it is not so bad to argue: to a certain extent and in a certain way it is positive for the bond, because it can gradually accommodate the differences."

On the contrary, he added, everything that is saved tends to come out at some point and can manifest itself in different ways, for example, with infidelity.

"

It's not healthy at all

," she closed.

Everything that is saved tends to come out at some point and can manifest in different ways.

Photo illustration Shutterstock.

Recommendations for a healthy discussion

Girona offered a series of recommendations on what should (and should not) be done when having a discussion as a couple:

  • Do not criticize the other

    : you have to try not to fall into criticism.

    We can complain, but it is necessary to understand the difference between a complaint and a criticism.

    Faced with criticism, the other defends himself.

    You have to try to say things in another way.

Going through a crisis does not mean that we have to be talking about it all the time.

Photo illustration Shutterstock.

  • Be assertive

    : you should try, even if you don't always succeed.

    Being assertive has to do with being able to tell the other something that we did not like in the best possible way and at the right time.

    In addition, being able to say it to that or that other and not to a third party.

    "Many times it may not come out, but we have to try to find that north, something in the middle of exploding and shutting up," he said.

  • Being able to encapsulate problems

    : going through a crisis does not mean that we have to be talking about it every day and all the time.

    It is advisable to talk about it at a certain time.

    This does not resolve the conflict, but begins to organize it.

  • Appeal to the stop rule

    : you can establish a kind of code where, during the exchange, each one says 'stop' and the other has to stop.

    It is usually a tool that works.

look too

Shakira and Piqué: does infidelity always put an end to the couple?

"Marital adjustment": how to review couple agreements to resolve conflicts

Source: clarin

All news articles on 2023-02-06

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