When you say "love" the ideal image we were fed from childhood comes to mind, but the reality is very different as anyone who has experienced it will testify.
In practice, marital relationships are much more complicated, they don't look at all like they do in the movies, and they certainly don't feel like that.
Robert Sternberg researched the subject and put forward the triple theory of love, which said that everyone, during their life, experiences different levels of intimacy, which he defines as "feelings of closeness and connection", passion, which he defines as "romantic and/or physical attraction", and commitment , which he defines as "the decision to love another person or commit to continuing to love him".
According to Sternberg's triple theory, when it comes to good relationships, both partners recognize these three things and show a mutual interest in nurturing all three, even when it's difficult.
Of the 15 types of relationships you can find yourself in, you will find that some of them allow for the cultivation of the three peaks: intimacy, passion, and commitment.
The relationships that lack these elements or one of them, can be dysfunctional or even toxic.
This is the type of relationship you are in:
Does your relationship have the three necessary components? (Photo: ShutterStock)
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1. Asexual love relationships
The successful asexual systems that exist prove that relationships without sexual intimacy can be satisfying, especially if they are two people who are not interested in sex, and even a little repulsed by it.
Asexuals exist, and asexuality is not a defect or anomaly.
Sexual intimacy simply does not appeal to them, and the lack of sex does not contradict their ability to have a mutually satisfying romantic relationship, because sex and romance are not synonymous, and certainly separable.
2. The sexual relationship
in a couple who really enjoys the physical intimacy, which is part of a healthy romantic relationship - that is, not used as a weapon or a "must" - sex can definitely bring you closer.
When the love is real, and the attraction is strong, there are indeed challenges, and there will always be more - but if there is a strong foundation, you will find a way to overcome them.
3. The open relationship
Open relationships allow both partners to date other people.
It's similar to an "arrangement" with no commitment, but in an open relationship there is a semblance of exclusivity, or some commitment to function together as a couple.
The success of these relationships depends primarily on whether both parties are equally satisfied with the arrangement.
If one of them wants to be exclusive and the other doesn't, a breakup is usually the inevitable result.
4. The independent
relationship In an independent relationship, both partners live their lives, each do their own thing and meet at the end of the day.
They may live together, and likely spend time together, but neither is dependent on the other for financial or personal support.
Technically they are a couple, but there is no interdependence there, and if both parties have previously been in codependent relationships, this is probably exactly what you need now.
5. The dependent relationship
In a codependent relationship, both parties depend on each other to function, so any separation or distancing can cause intense distress or anxiety.
One does not feel complete without the other, and vice versa, and as a result they want to be together all the time.
The knowledge that they feel the same is happy and satisfying, until it becomes suffocating, because every time one of them does something without the other, it becomes a real threat to the relationship, and it feels to both sides like betrayal.
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6. The chameleon
relationship In this relationship, one or both partners change themselves to please the other.
In many cases it is one person who changes himself to please who he wants to be with.
The Chameleon sacrifices several interests and maybe even a relationship or two to make herself more attractive and suitable for her partner.
At some point she will get tired of pretending, and letting go and moving on becomes necessary for her mental health and well-being.
7. The Dominant Relationship
If one partner has to be the one "wearing the pants", that's a problem.
In a healthy relationship, one should not strive to be the one who controls his/her partner.
This is not love, but control, which is exercised only over someone we do not see as equal to us, something that stems from a distorted view of reality.
If your partner expects you to obey unconditionally (or any other kind), this is not a relationship between two equal partners.
8. The toxic relationship
This is a situation where you stay together for practical reasons or one of you is in a dominant role and maintains control over the other.
In most dominant cases there is a strong attraction that erases the system, but the love is one-sided or non-existent, and narcissism creates a toxic environment for the "weak" side.
No one benefits from this.
9. The rebound relationship
One of the partners entered the relationship immediately after breaking up with someone significant.
The thought behind the rebound is "I need this now. It's not all I want in a relationship, but that's okay. We're just having fun together."
And maybe that's true.
However, it is essential that both parties know and be at peace with the relationship that, at least right now, it is not all that you want it to be.
10. Love of last resort
You know the agreement between two good friends: "If we don't find someone by the age of 30, we will marry each other."
Except for the movies, it's usually a decision that comes with a price - at first everything is great, on a "how did we not do this before?" level, and it continues that way as long as no one complicates things by wanting more intimacy than the other or falling in love with someone else.
This is also nice (Photo: ShutterStock)
A non-commitment relationship, which has a good connection, but no romantic love or desire to commit - Yazizim.
Maybe you just get along so well that it seems weird for both of you to keep it platonic, but you're still not interested in the restrictions that come with an exclusive relationship.
No matter how well they get along, in a situation where there is no commitment to each other, not much needs to happen for this relationship system to lose balance.
12. The system "We do everything together!"
This relationship is very reminiscent of the codependent one, except that it is less based on insecurity or fear, and more on the mistaken idea that good couples do everything together.
This is not true, of course.
Even in the best of relationships, you need some time away from each other, and it's not a sign of relationship problems if you don't do everything together.
13. The distant relationship
It's one thing if it's a matter of days, weeks or months.
This is also hard enough, but if you know in advance that you will be together within a certain time frame, it can still work, but when the distances are great and the breaks are too long, the challenges to your relationship can be too difficult to fix, especially because the lack of physical intimacy can make it difficult to sacrifice and end the the relationship.
relationships In this relationship one of the partners takes advantage of the other.
The exploited certainly also gains something, but usually does not get much out of the relationship.
Even if there is mutual enjoyment of the relationship, at some point, you have to recognize that the only reason the abuser stays around is that he/she wants something specific, like money, promotion, or status.
15. The business relationship
This type of relationship is similar to the previous one except that here the exploitation is mutual, and both parties get something they need, they are aware of it, and probably think "we have an arrangement that suits both of us".
There is no obstacle to having a deep mutual appreciation in such a relationship, but if the partnership is more related to what each one gets out of it, and that it looks good on paper - you have to remember that needs change, and at some point, especially behind closed doors, one or both of them will want more.
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