When I was 22 my heart was broken for the first time.
It was awful.
After a month and a half he said he wanted to come back.
I was the happiest person.
After two weeks he dumped me again.
For several good years we were busy breaking up and getting back together (one of the times it was after a year and a half apart), and during all this time, even when we were not together as a couple, we were around each other because we studied at the same place and had many mutual friends.
It was just as nightmare as it sounds, and thank God I made all the possible mistakes, including going to him drunk and practically begging for a kiss, or continuing to hang out with his roommates and sitting with them in the living room while he was in the room with someone new.
This someone, by the way, later became my friend and we are still in touch today.
And that's what's called girl power.
But from all the mistakes I've made, and have made, I've learned a lot about those weird-awkward-always-a-little-strained relationships between exes.
And so, when I saw the video from the Grammy ceremony where Taylor Swift is dancing - and she's the only one around her who is dancing - while ex Harry Styles is performing, my heart went out to her.
Because I knew exactly how she felt, and no, it's not "wow, I'm so over it, I'm such a strong woman".
In general, "I'm such a strong woman" is something that Swift really broadcasts, and I really don't buy it.
Not because she really isn't strong in my eyes, but because those who are really strong shouldn't shout it so much.
And what is a strong woman anyway?
Is it possible to be a woman in our time without being "strong"?
Is it possible to be just a human being who also has moments when she is a floor mop?
In short, something about the whole "I'm a fan of singing to my ex's tunes, look at everyone" is unbelievable to me, and I think the breakup with Harry Styles affected her much more than she allows herself to admit, which is something we all do after breakups.
So to get tools to deal with a breakup, to understand how you should really behave when you meet your ex and also just to gossip.
And before my mother can say "Are you bored with these things?"
I say in my defense that it's true, it's been over 10 years since Taylor Swift and Harry Styles broke up, but the whole world refuses to let go of them, not just me.
Every coverage I saw of the Grammy ceremony, which was held the night between Sunday and Monday, dealt quite a bit with these two, and their every meeting or movement towards each other was analyzed in videos with millions of views and thousands of comments.
What's nice to see is that the world, or at least their fans, are in exactly the same state of denial as Swift herself and write things like "how nice to see our divorced parents get along", "today they are good friends".
cute
I will prove you wrong.
It started with the song "I knew you were trouble," which Swift admitted was written about Styles: "Once upon a time, a few mistakes ago, you found me alone, you probably didn't care, and I probably loved it. And when I fell hard, you took a step back Without me. He hasn't been here for a long time, even when he's by my side, and I understand that the fault is mine. Because I knew you were trouble from the moment you walked in, I'm the one who should be ashamed."
And let's not forget "Now I'm lying on the cold, hard floor".
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This song is actually the key to everything, first of all because it was probably written when the time that had passed since the breakup was zero and also the ability to remain politically correct, and secondly because what Taylor feels is shame towards herself.
For allowing herself to trust, to trust someone she should have known was not worthy of him.
This is the thing she can't get over.
Not the breakup itself.
It's always hard to feel rejection, but an ex who decided to break up with you is not only (and sometimes not at all) a person you regret missing, but a living, breathing reminder of your disappointment in yourself.
For the fact that you surrendered too quickly, for the fact that you didn't "keep pace", for the fact that you continued to want someone who didn't want you enough.
It's a terrible feeling of betrayal by yourself and it leaves a scar stronger than any rejection.
In the case of Swift and Styles, the whole world experienced the breakup with them, and heard through the songs, that she wanted and he didn't, and therefore for her, saw her in a weak and awkward place for her.
And so, from this moment on, all she wanted to produce in general and especially in meetings with him, was the feeling that she was no longer there.
She is a strong woman.
So at the 2013 Grammy ceremony, she performs with a song called "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together" and more to do, during which she describes a phone conversation between her and a guy with a British accent (Stiles' accent) who tells her: "I still love you", and she replies: "Sorry, I'm busy being the opening act of the Grammys, and we're never getting back together. Like, ever."
Here, Taylor tells herself.
I changed the narrative.
Now I'm the one she didn't want, I'm the strong one, and the whole world knows.
But that doesn't help her feel better about herself.
In her next album, two more songs are attributed to Styles - "Style" and "Out of the woods".
And in them she uses a typical post-breakup passive-aggressive tactic of "I'm strong enough today to see the bright side and not to scold you, but just to hint, so that no one forgets, that you were a piece of shit for a boyfriend."
The shit in the friend, who, by the way, all along accepted the responsibility, didn't reveal too much but always flattered her.
Or in other words - took it less hard.
HARRY FIXING HIS HAIR WHEN HE SEES TAYLOR SWIFT COME OVER WE ALL BEEN THERE WITH EXES LMFAOOO pic.twitter.com/LaziMecpJ6
— vinny ???
(@lomlgraperry) February 6, 2023
Time goes by, there are probably all kinds of other things happening that I don't have enough free time to research, but in recent years she has seemingly been completely absent.
She already has a new partner, with whom she has been for several years compared to only 3 months she was with Harry more than a decade ago, and still.
The Grammys are coming and she looks like the drunk me on student day, not looking for my ex anywhere but living my happy and so full life.
Because that's enough, come on.
You don't get up to dance, alone, to your ex's song, if you have nothing to prove, to him, or to the world.
Especially when you know all the cameras will be on you anyway.
And then stands up again to express support when he wins.
What happened to just sitting and clapping like a person from the settlement?
If you were really just level-headed about the whole thing, you'd act like a normal person and not like the exaggerated version of yourself, just so no one would miss out, no matter how I know.
It doesn't matter how much time has passed or how short the relationship was, that feeling that the whole world saw you in your weakness can stay with you forever.
And all Taylor wants is not Harry, but for the world to stop remembering her, every time she's near him, as someone she wanted and he didn't.
Some may call it superficial, but it's just human.
If we want to draw conclusions from this, then first of all let's face that nothing happened if you were a little weak at some point in your life, and certainly nothing happened if you wanted a man who didn't want you.
This is not a lack of respect and it is not a shame.
We've all been there, so we also all know that no one stays there.
We are making progress, we know you are too.
sometime
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And if we want to enjoy another heartwarming interaction between the two and receive further proof that I am right in everything I say, I will direct your attention to the attached Twitter video that records a conversation between the two at the ceremony.
The person who posted it pointed out that Harry is fixing his hair when he sees Taylor coming, and doesn't notice that when they finish talking she can barely walk for a moment, because her heart is pounding.
parable
Sheee
sex and relationship
Tags
Taylor Swift
Harry Styles