Do you want to be an extraordinary person? Why being 'common' is the key

"Maybe there's nothing worse than getting to the top of the ladder and finding out you're on the wrong wall."

Joseph Campbell.

***

You rose to the top of the organization after years of intense effort.

To persevere, fight, sacrifice and compete against many other people who aspired to something similar.

But somehow you feel more alone;

and disconnected.

You can pass?

Can.

And in fact more often than we think.

It is that in today's world there is an

, different, distinguishable from the rest based on exceptional personal qualities.

Sometimes, even in job searches, you try to find a "profile" in which these qualities converge.

That is at least the requirement of competitive spaces (life itself?), aligned with the demands of a perfectionist and voracious society in the search for economic and social growth.

It is true: our life path implies both differentiation as individuals but also the congregation or constitution of social ties that sustain us.

It is a dialectic that should work healthily, but it is not.

Today,

(especially through increasing talent and personal skills) seems to imply, in some way, separating ourselves further from others and feeling disconnected.

To be common is to be vulnerable, erratic, to fail, but to treat each other in a kind and compassionate way.

Photo Shutterstock.

The gift of being common (

ordinary,

in English)

That is the name of the book by Ronald Siegel, renowned American psychologist specializing in mindfulness, also author, among other publications, of 

."

Actually the title is a little longer:

.

There, he develops the idea of ​​how valuable it is

, a member of the immense species that is Homo sapiens and to walk this planet right now.

Without so much expectation or projection.

There is a

immense wonder in this matter of being alive, of finding ourselves in the exact coordinates of time and space: many others have already passed away, others have not yet been born.

But why is it so frowned upon to be common?

Actually:

It is not about not developing the potential that is in us or being negligent in cultivating the qualities that inhabit us.

It's not advocating an abandonment attitude towards ourselves either.

For Ronald,

, sometimes not achieving what we want and getting frustrated, being able to connect with that aspect of ourselves that we all really have, but in a kind and compassionate way.

Feeling part of a huge group that is humanity.

Those who seek to be "extraordinary" with fervent dedication hide in a

and superlativity that, curiously, leads them to "a focused self-evaluation and an effort that is not only stressful and overwhelming, but also alienates, confuses, and is watered by self-criticism", says the author.

The aspiring extraordinary

in an effort to differentiate himself from the rest, since he "feels that there is something that is missing in his life, that the struggle, however successful it may be, is not fulfilling him. And when he falls, he feel miserable, rejected, ashamed".

Could it be that this profile that we describe is very determined (too much) in

/herself rather than in the contribution that he can offer to others?

Narcissistic Recalibration or Do Mode

"Narcissistic recalibration" Siegel calls this and defines it as "our propensity that sooner or later our achievements are taken for granted and we need

."

But this, dear friends, "is stimulated by our competitive society; being outstanding is being self-demanding, competing and differentiating ourselves to be appreciated as such", says Cecilia Lindner, from our Train your brain corporate team.

"This hits our mental health in terms of stress and anxiety and at the same time distances us from who we are, from what we have, from the present moment and from what we can enjoy and value," adds the psychologist.

In Mindfulness we call all this the voracity of the Do mode.

We need to cultivate a more compassionate and loving vision across the board, Reynoso says.

Photo Shutterstock.

the humanity that we are 

In the final words of an engineer from a large company, a few years ago, when we were closing a training, there is the power of mindfulness: "Everyone comes here to train us to be super men and super women. Instead, you made us connect with humanity that we have."

Somehow he told us that he was able to relax,

and feels like he is, and not with what he was told or believed he should be.

That she didn't need to clench her fists and compete with others to achieve the "extraordinary" we are expected to be.

.

The way of doing, on the contrary, is "the way in which people usually function, it is difficult for us to imagine that there is another way of being in life," says Carolina Muñoz, from our TyB Salud team.

"What we do not know is that this state is not always necessary and functional and that is where the mind begins to create cognitive discrepancy, which is one of the sources of human suffering," he adds.

"The mind in the way of doing permanently compares what is being with what each one of us

. In this state, judgments and labels appear that promote attachment and rejection of present experiences. All this distances us from of what is happening for each one of us at the present moment, constantly taking us to the past and the future, creating dissatisfaction and restlessness", he concludes.

Is it possible to find that delicate balance between developing our abilities to the maximum and at the same time

, vulnerable, supportive and empathetic in our relationships?

It seems, at least, highly challenging.

It is the corporate message in some cases: “teamwork”,

, it is said on the one hand, but on the other, sometimes there is pressure for personal hyper-development and professional success.

Create more compassionate and healthy environments

At home, at school, in clubs, in institutional and social life.

Everywhere: We need to cultivate a more compassionate and loving view of ourselves, starting with appreciating the immense value we have, for who we already are;

for our wonderful condition as thinking, feeling, vulnerable and constantly evolving beings.

Ordinary beings, but

!

Developing our qualities with our feet firmly planted in the grass of compassion and the fresh, scented flowers of empathy and authentic connection can thus be something more natural and balanced.

Let's go through that first.

*Martín Reynoso is a psychologist, director of Train Your Brain Argentina and author of "Mindfulness, scientific meditation".

***

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