On video: Demonstration of parents of children with special needs near Petah Tikva City Hall (Walla! NEWS system)
For families with children dealing with special needs, family life can be complex.
When twins are born, and one faces special needs while the other does not - the complexity is even greater.
They are indeed born, grow and develop together - but the differences between them are felt all the time.
In honor of Family Day, which will be celebrated in the middle of next week - three families told about life in the shadow of the unique struggle.
Jordan and Yuval from Jerusalem are four-year-old twins.
Jordan, who was born first, is dealing with Down syndrome.
Yuval is twenty minutes younger than him.
"The pregnancy was difficult, I was in prenatal care and I was hospitalized because there was a placental abruption, but they didn't see any problem with the fetuses," said their mother Sima.
"I have two more twins who are older than them, so I'm used to difficult pregnancies. The birth went perfectly well and the hospital told me that everything was fine and sent me home. Only at the age of a month and a half during a standard doctor's visit - the doctor claimed that there was a problem and asked to conduct tests. Only then did I understand, Jordan with Down syndrome".
"I freaked out and went crazy, no one wishes for a child with special needs," said Sima about the difficult moments of the news.
"My husband accepted it better than me, if it weren't for him - I wouldn't have been able to come back to myself," she continued.
"To raise twins is to see in the sharpest way the growing gaps between them. Jordan still uses diapers, it is difficult for him to speak and explain what he wants, and he should not be left alone for a minute because he could endanger himself. It pains me to see him ostracized even from his brothers, when one of them I say, for example, 'What an annoying child you are.' I ask them to be patient with him, but they are also children themselves."
The 4-year-old twins Jordan and Yuval (photo: courtesy of the family)
"We are only at the beginning because they are relatively small, as they grow, I believe the gaps will widen," claims the twins' mother.
"Yuval will be able to go to companies and be independent - and he will have to stay close to us. The fear that someone will do something to him because he doesn't understand situations, it paralyzes me. There is an almost mystical connection between Yuval and Jordan, when they go to kindergarten for half a day and then meet at home, they hug and love. If I have to brush his teeth and he screams, she calms him down and shows him how to do it. He is connected to her, I don't know how it will be later when they grow up and with them the gaps - but today they are connected to each other just like my big twins."
"When I entered Shlava, the first thing they gave me was as soft a landing as possible for this story of special needs," said Sima about the Shlava organization residence in Jerusalem where Jordan is located.
"Like a small community that supports you and strengthens you. When you have someone to take advice from, it's priceless," Sima concluded.
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"You always see the differences"
The Lazimi family also has twins, six-year-old Raya and Osher.
They were born just seven minutes apart, and Usher is dealing with Down syndrome.
"The pregnancy came after many years in which I waited to get pregnant and went through grueling treatments," said their mother Inbar.
"As early as the fourth month, I went into birth control, but the doctors didn't say there was a problem with one of the fetuses."
"Two days after the birth, the doctors told me that they suspected something, and asked if I agreed to do comprehensive blood tests for happiness," continued Inbar.
"At first I resisted, I told them that their suspicions had nothing to do with me or my baby, but then the unequivocal results came back. It was very difficult for me to accept them, but it was even more difficult for my husband and when I saw his difficulty I told him that we cannot react like this after all the years in We waited for the children. At the hospital, they gave me a peace flyer, and I put it in my bag thinking that I won't use it because they are sure to be wrong."
Inbar added and said that dealing with twins can be even more difficult - because the comparison is almost necessary: "The initial development of a baby is very visible, you constantly see the differences", she said.
"She started walking at the age of one, he at the age of two and a half. You see right in front of his eyes his difficulty all the time."
"I said we can't react like that after all the years we waited for children."
The 6-year-old twins Raya and Osher (photo: courtesy of the family)
With the difficulty, there are also benefits.
"They are together from the first moment, and he constantly imitates her. His development is relatively fast for a child with special needs. The most special moment is when she tells him to say something and only then does he manage to speak," she said.
"The relationship between twins is very close, and between them it's also very emotional. It's important to me that she doesn't constantly take the role of the mother in front of him, who will also be a girl her age."
Next year Raya will go up to the first grade, while Usher will stay in Shalva's kindergarten.
"This will be the first time they will be separated because there is an integrated kindergarten in Shlava that also caters to Jordan," explained Inbar, and told about the unique kindergarten, "The first time I came to Shlava's building, I saw pictures of children with Down syndrome and I didn't understand how I got to this point with my child . I started crying, I didn't know what that meant at all. When I got out of the elevator, the whole staff was waiting for me, hugged and wrapped me - and I felt like I had someone to lean on."
The doctors kept asking us why we didn't terminate the pregnancy
In the Ganzizan family from Jerusalem, the situation is slightly different.
There is a year difference
between 12-year-old Daniel, who has Down syndrome, and his younger brother Lucas - but they grew up almost like twins.
"Already during my pregnancy with Daniel they found out that he had a heart problem, but we didn't do a benign test because we didn't want to be worried throughout the pregnancy," said their mother Nicole.
"In the delivery room they discovered that he had Down syndrome, and the news was very difficult. The reaction of the doctors at the hospital intensified the difficult feelings even more, they turned it into the end of the world. They kept asking us why we didn't terminate the pregnancy."
"The ones who gave us hope are the peace workers," said Nicole with shining eyes, "we called them a month after the birth, and already on the first phone call when the secretary told me congratulations - everything changed for me. This is the first time I heard that it was happy that Daniel came into the world."
A year later, Lucas was born.
"It was a completely new experience of parenthood, suddenly we were raising a child without walking around all day between doctors and worries," said Nicole.
"As they grew, the differences between them grew. Lucas is very sporty and successful at it, Daniel, on the other hand, is only now able to go down the stairs. Sometimes I imagine the future and can see how Lucas is progressing in all kinds of fields, with Daniel - the most important thing to me is that he succeeds in being as much as possible independent. These are two completely different things in watching from your children."
"The secretary said congratulations, this is the first time I've heard that it's happy that Daniel came into the world."
Daniel and Lucas (photo: courtesy of the family)
Shelva CEO Yohanan Samuels (photo: official website, Shelva Association)
Lucas, who participates in a Judo club together with his brother Daniel, says that at first it was difficult to explain to his friends at school what his brother's problem was, or even to invite them to his house.
"Daniel is a special boy, I'm happy to have a brother like that. He loves me and I love him, when I'm sad he's sad and tries to cheer me up," he said.
"I like to look after him and take responsibility for him - but he also helps me. At first we were in the same school and my friends thought he was strange. I explained to them that he has Down syndrome and just as I was able to get along with him, so can they, and today they love him. Even when he behaves Not pretty, I try not to get mad at him. Sometimes it's hard," Lucas continued.
Yohanan Samuels, CEO of Shlava, said: "At Shlava we accept the children from the age of birth, just after they were born and the parents realized that there is a special child.
Here they hear congratulations, receive a hug and escort - and also an envelope and support for the whole family, including the siblings.
When twins are born and one sibling is disabled and the other is not, the implications and impact on the family is enormous.
The family support is critical and we do everything to enable the integration of the disabled sibling into the family in the best possible way."
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