Six years have passed since Sapir Saban burst into consciousness.
The excellent singer, who was discovered in "The Voice", was marked as a promise after the first audition and ended up as the winner of the season, speaks for the first time with extraordinary openness and honesty about the crash that came after the win.
"The mess starts when you wake up in the morning and the diary is empty and you have nothing to do. At least once a week I would call Robert (Roberto Ben Shoshan, her agent, AS) and cry tears.
Tell me what to do?
nothing happens'".
And what does he say to you?
"He explains to me that this is a period and it will pass and that it will come. He reminds me that I work hard, I'm a good singer, I look good - there's no way it won't happen. 'Dig and it will work'. If it was another manager who would have given up on me, the chances are that it It would have ended and this interview wouldn't have happened now either, and my new song wouldn't have come out."
"I felt like I had bungee jumped."
Saban, photo: Shay Arbel
How was your mood all this time?
"It was an unconscious depression that I didn't understand in real time. You hate yourself, you don't look at yourself and wear layers and big clothes, all just to not confront this thing. I'm 1.56 m and gained almost 20 kg during this period.
I would eat without being hungry and in double quantities than I was used to, I stopped exercising and spent most of the day in front of the TV."
What economic consequences does this have?
"I didn't put in a shekel for seven months because there was nowhere, and from this low place I had to gather the strength. I would pray that I would have the strength to continue so as not to stop everything."
A glimpse into the life of a singer.
"Who dares to talk about it. A singer who doesn't appear or a song that doesn't succeed is a great suffering. Think of you writing an article and no one reads it, and another one like this and another one, and with artists it happens all the time. They explode, are everywhere and suddenly a year, two years, three of silence and now face it."
Saban (28) recently added the surname Kenor, after marrying her partner Tom (39).
"We met at a gym. When I arrived he used to go, and I was also in a relationship," she says.
"A few months after I broke up with my partner, he asked about me and sent me a message on Instagram."
Did it work from the start?
"We went on one date, and at the end we already knew that this was it. After three weeks we moved in together, after six months he proposed to me and after a year we got married. We went to the rabbi once and he asked me who was outside. He took him in, looked at him and told me 'It will be Your husband', and so it was."
how was the wedding
"It was an amazing wedding and no matter how much they pressured me, everything was the opposite. I would repeat it a hundred times over. This year is very significant, because there is a very large gap between the good in private life and in a good relationship and the situation in professional life."
"Everything has become programmed and cold"
To understand this gap you have to go back a little.
Already at the age of 12, Saban began studying voice development, starred in school ceremonies, sang in the "Shir Bihud" youth band, and, as expected, also joined a military band and sang in the Mediterranean band of the Education Corps.
After her release, she decided to pursue a more stable profession and enrolled in construction engineering studies at Ariel, until the phone call from "De Wis" came and changed her course.
"I was a 22-year-old student and the most private person there is. I remember that shortly before the show aired, they opened Facebook and Instagram for me in anticipation of the immigration, and I didn't even know how to manipulate it," she recalls.
"I was a very introverted girl and one moment after the audition is broadcast everything turns upside down."
How it manifests itself?
"I was walking down the street and they recognized me, I got a lot of reactions and it was from a positive and supportive place, but for me it was a shock. I was very ashamed and didn't know how to react to it, I got to the point where I didn't leave the house. I would sit in cafes, look down and constantly check that I looked okay As time went by, I lost my authenticity and became a different person. I felt that I was on duty and I was alert all the time and in focus so that God forbid I would not disappoint, and I didn't even know who and what. I felt that there was an expectation of me, and it directed me."
Not everyone can withstand this kind of load.
"Every reality TV star goes through trauma. I didn't go through a process of gradual exposure. You become famous in the first episode of the season, and this process is a market. Fortunately, the audience loved me. I don't want to know what happens to someone who doesn't get sympathy and has to deal with harsh reactions. One day you become a public figure. Today I can tell you that I experienced trauma. 'The Voice' was broadcast before the split into channels 12 and 13, and the ratings were very high. It fell on me without any prior preparation. At some point everything became programmed And cold, and I didn't let myself feel and experience."
Saban in "De Weiss", photo: none
"I was like a snail"
Saban won the hearts of the viewers already in the first audition, where she performed the song "Maybe this time" by Idan Reichel.
The four mentors - Miri Mesika, Aviv Gefen, Avraham Tal and Shlomi Shabbat - rotated, Saban chose Shabbat and the road to victory was short.
"I was marked at the very beginning," she repeats.
"I remember that I wanted to sing a song in Turkish in the final and dedicate it to my father because at home we are not used to winning, but in the production they didn't like it," she admits.
"They told me, 'If you sing a song in Turkish, they will transfer a channel.'
Saban says that in the beginning her diary was full, and studies at the university were replaced by photo shoots and performances.
"My dream was not to be published, even today I have a hard time with publishing. Even uploading a video on Instagram is difficult for me. As it were, I lived the dream that I did not dare to dream before the program. But as soon as I got home, I was like a snail. I entered the house and did not want to leave it. I suffered a lot during that time This, and it's something I didn't understand in real time."
Describe the decline to me.
"It wasn't one moment, but a process that happens slowly and I can't stop. I put out a song and another song and another song, and nothing happened. 'No Return' relatively exploded, but then another song came out and it didn't work, and then another song and he I don't work, and the diary is starting to get empty. At that time I was more at home, in front of the TV, eating and passing out."
How does it feel when it doesn't work out?
"It was the first time that something didn't work and they keep telling you okay, there will be more songs and they will be successful, but then the third and fourth don't work either. You release songs, you don't play them, and the performances also drop significantly. At some point I realize what's going on and I start to get completely confused . I felt that I was in anxiety and that I was in a problem both professionally and mentally. Everyone tells you what to do or not to do, and everyone knows what is best for you from their point of view, and you forget yourself and your truth and art."
Are you less recognized on the street?
"You are always recognized, but you feel that the enthusiasm decreases and less people approach, and they no longer come and tell me 'what an amazing song' because there is currently no amazing song, and I no longer appear on television twice a week. I was more comfortable with that because I was at low energy anyway and it was easy Ali, but the reason why it happened was difficult."
And all this time there are quite a few female singers who explode.
"I don't have a problem with the singers who have succeeded, God forbid. I wish they would be more successful, but of course I see and envy. Is there anyone who is involved in music and does not want to blow up halls and be number one in views on YouTube? The frustration is great and not from a place of lack of support and not to be at the expense of someone else, But I also want to."
Did you feel that industry people also moved away?
"The friends, who are really my friends, stayed, but in terms of the industry, there is no doubt that at the peak of success there were many people around me and suddenly everyone benefited. Suddenly the phone rings less, I am not invited, I am not interesting, and in some cases they also made sure to give me the feeling that I am not relevant."
Were you treated?
"I am constantly being treated and examined and examined. I had a feeling that I bungee jumped and my rope was cut in the middle, and I was asked to take care of that as well."
In hindsight, what things would you have done differently?
"Everything, but in those days I wasn't in a position to insist on things. I was scared of myself, shocked and without mental strength, and I didn't have the courage and backbone to stand up for myself. I trusted everyone except myself and let others do everything. I wasn't a puppet on a string, but Yes, I gave the reins to others, and that was a mistake. Offers we received and rejected, incorrect song choices (Saban rejected, for example, the songs "Two Crazy Ones", "Agrof" and "Learning to Go") and refusals for duets. Singers offered me duets, and I, that at that time I was in a better place than them, I refused and it was not true, and they also remember it to me."
At one point Roberto intervenes in the conversation and says: "If I had to choose a title, she was the 'Queen of Mistakes'. Sapir made every possible mistake in her career."
Despite everything, you are an excellent singer.
"I always get feedback about what a crazy singer I am, but they don't tell me: 'How I want to come to your concert or what beautiful songs you have.'"
You are identified more with ballads and less with rhythmic songs.
"True, but I released other and diverse songs to show other sides as well. I'm aware that I can really be heavier, but at concerts I lift a lot and those who invited me to concerts know that I lift, but not everyone was."
Do you feel like an unfulfilled promise?
"Unequivocally yes. It's a feeling I'm aware of. I brought something different, a new spirit, and there was a feeling that I was going to conquer the country, and in one moment my rope was cut and I fell in the most painful way possible."
Coffee with Turkish drama
While dealing with what appeared to be depression, Saban lived in an apartment unit at her parents' house in Yehud, passing the time as singers less than her age broke up the playlist.
"A natural wake-up call, coffee with an episode of a Turkish series, go for a two-hour walk, take a shower, another series, play rummy with my parents and go to bed," she recalls.
Did you live with your parents because of financial considerations?
"I was very comfortable living with my parents because I had my own unit, but it is also clear that I could not financially allow myself to live away from home."
People who read the article will wonder how such a famous singer has no money for rent.
"I'm not a hedonist, I don't go out and I don't spend on brands, I've always lived a very basic life and I still couldn't afford it. It's at the level that if I smoked, I wouldn't have money for cigarettes."
with the mentor Shlomi Shabbat,
Were there also debts?
"I didn't get into debt or loans, but I did use my savings."
Despite this professional and personal crisis, Saban does not stop trying to conquer the audience again.
"After I was already in a very high place, starting over requires mental strength. I sometimes ask myself: "What, now I have to go up a step?"
And what do you answer?
"Yes, sometimes a bit difficult, but yes."
Would you rather start small and break through or wouldn't you give up the path you've taken?
"Many times I asked myself this question, if it would have been better for me not to become famous and to work slowly, but it would not have happened at all. I would not have left school and started from scratch, and I probably would not be a singer today. I also do not think that it would have been better for me to arrive For reality TV at a later stage. I had to grab the cap with power and now, when I'm 28, which is a good age, to start everything again."
"I wanted everything but to win"
In an interview with this supplement on the eve of her victory in "The Voice", Saban stated that she would not participate in another reality show.
"By and large, I would be happy to represent Israel at Eurovision, but I don't know if now, and not through a reality show. After 'The Voice' I won't have any more reality shows," she said then.
But statements separately and reality separately.
A year ago she joined the season of "X Factor" and competed for a ticket to Eurovision.
"The initial instinct was not to go, because if I go it's a bit like admitting failure," she says of the hesitation.
"But I got over it and left."
are you sorry
"In retrospect, I wouldn't have gone there. If I had a lot of fun in The Voice, I didn't have a good time in The X Factor, and I realized it already on the first day of filming, but I kept my mouth shut, got angry and continued. It was very difficult for me to return to this place as Sapir Saban She has already won one show, and I don't just mean an expectation of me."
What is the other reason?
"I felt that they were judging me based on their memory of the past, and not necessarily listening to what they see in front of them now. I had the feeling that they were always trying to lower my nose and my confidence."
Roberto: "People like to see divas crash."
What made you want it anyway?
"When this topic came up, I said to myself that I'm not at the peak of my career, and Eurovision is something I'd like to be a part of, and every screen time is important screen time, certainly in the situation I was in - and we decided to go for it."
Were you disappointed that you ranked fourth?
"On the contrary, we stopped at a gas station, I bought champagne and I was as happy as I hadn't been in a long time. I felt that the air had returned to my lungs. When we received the two songs that they had chosen for me, which if I won I would have to perform at Eurovision, I wanted to retire. I knew that even if I won, I was going to do Shame. I knew that if I had to represent Israel at Eurovision it was a serious burden, and I hoped not to win. When it was up to me and my singing, I knew I was good and that I could do it excellently and with respect, but as soon as I received the songs I wanted everything but to win."
How does it feel for a singer who has already won one reality show, and finds herself ranked fourth?
"This competition was about meeting different criteria. In 'The X Factor' they were more focused on Eurovision, and Michael Ben David was the right fit and he was the one who won. I most wanted him to succeed, and to this day we are in contact. As soon as he was selected, I deleted that episode."
"I lost faith in myself"
Saban's return to consciousness for the second time jump-started her stage career for a short time, but this time only in the theater.
"In the last year, the possibility of me retiring from the profession was on the table," she admits.
"After 'X Factor' I felt like I was at a certain peak again. I reached the finals, I replaced Chen Amsalem in the play 'Pass the Wall' at Beit Lissin, I appeared in 'This is me' at Kameri and I was in two months of busy and crazy work, but it didn't bring in any performances. I finished The theater, and that was the stage when I realized that it was probably enough."
How close were you to deciding enough is enough?
"I remember sitting with my friends and asking them: 'What am I wasting my time on? What am I waiting for? What do I want to happen? I could finish my degree, I could get pregnant, find a job as a construction engineer and move on with my life.' I was very close to calling Roberto And to tell him thank you and that I don't want to anymore, and at the moment of truth something stopped me. I couldn't disappoint someone who believed in me. In the years that passed I lost faith in myself, I didn't see anything good, but if he does believe in me, who am I to disappoint him?"
maybe now?
Last week she released "If anyone knows", a new single that appears to be a hit and climbed up to the five most played songs on the radio, and maybe also the song that will open the door for her to return to the front of the stage.
"I was sitting with a friend, I used a message I wrote to her, in which I shared with her my desire to retire, and we began to process it into a song. I especially connected to the line in the song: 'If someone knows that I'm lonely.' It".
What next?
"I have my good friends, with whom I write the songs: Omri Kasten, Chen Cohen and Moti Simon. There are new people around me, a new spirit and texts that I am connected to and know what I am singing. I will not feel that I am trying to please someone or that I will be someone that I am not ".
Saban is enthusiastic to tell that she hasn't felt such a big hug since the successful "Never Come Back".
"Even people who haven't spoken to me for years suddenly wrote to me. I sing it from the gut, and it goes that way to those who hear the song."
What would happen if he didn't work?
"I don't deal with it now. Obviously it's stressful and obviously not everything changes in a day, but in the case of this song already at the sketch stage we felt that there was something good here and tap-tap it works very well."
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