Gone are the days of preventive isolation from the pandemic.
For those who lived together since then, it was a breather to be able to see their non-living relationships again.
Now, in this new normality, those who lead an
active -and demanding- social life
once again face a dilemma: how do I balance my time between my partner, my friends and my family?
It is fortunate to have a solid network of people and links, one of the foundations of well-being and mental health.
In the book
Friendship: The Evolution, Biology, and Extraordinary Power of Life's Fundamental Bond
(Friendship: evolution, biology and the extraordinary power of this fundamental bond for life, in Spanish), its author, science journalist Lydia
Denworth
, writes : “Friendship has survival value in the most literal sense: the most socially integrated people live longer than the less connected.”
Denworth studies the science behind friendship and warns: "The new science of social behavior has also starkly revealed the physiological consequences of the opposite of friendship - loneliness - which is as deadly as cigarette smoking or obesity."
Despite their relevance, according to the author,
friendships are usually the first intimate ties that we neglect
when demands limit our free time.
According to several studies cited in the book, between the ages of 30 and 40 is when more friendships tend to be lost because individual priorities focus on meeting the demands of family and work.
Between the ages of 30 and 40, more friendships tend to be lost because individual priorities focus on meeting the demands of family and work.
(Photo: illustration Shutterstock)
Just as a good friendship generates a healthy bond that is built on companionship, cooperation and vulnerability;
According to the psychologist and sexologist
Silvana Savoini
, preserving individual recreational time slots in the two members of the couple is crucial.
In dialogue with
Clarín,
he explained that "social interaction with other people allows emotional ventilation to the couple's system." In fact, he indicated that one of its functions is that "it contributes to the alternation between presence and absence,
which
is vital to take perspective regarding conflicts and even to sustain sexual desire”.
But how is it possible to manage our time without neglecting so many areas?
Preserving the individual recreational times of each member of the couple is crucial for its proper functioning (Photo: illustration Shutterstock)
Laura Enriquez
, psychologist, couples therapist and sexologist (MN 24918), told this medium that it is not an easy task, partly due to the current pace of life and social mandates for productivity in the age of simultaneous work .
Even so, the therapist pointed out that "being in a couple is finding that space between two, that construction based on intimacy, eroticism, connection and communication that makes each couple have their own language, style, codes."
In any case, Enriquez assured that "each couple will find, within their characteristics, points in common and
organization and planning
become key." Therefore, some of the strategies that can be put into practice are the following:
1.- Get quality time rather than quantity with each link
Prioritizing moments of recreation as a couple is essential for the bond.
(Photo: illustration Shutterstock)
Enriquez suggests taking into account not only the number of hours shared as a couple, but also
the actual quality
of this time.
He recommended that moments be planned and promoted "that add up to both of them and that give new meaning to that unique and exclusive language that they have."
For those who live together, this could be seen as an assumption, but it is even more imperative to be able to distinguish between the two concepts.
If, for example,
I only meet with my partner in responsibility
and the conversations that prevail have to do with obligations, duties and shared tasks, then it is likely that quality time that promotes relaxation and relaxation is not being given
. the enjoyment
.
In the same way, the specialist explained, "incorporating this concept not only with the couple but in all ties" is the most recommended.
“
Giving priorities to the links is also communication
: we are telling the other person that we are interested, that we want to be and share with them.
And this is going to reinforce and give feedback to the system,” said Enriquez.
2.- Talk, plan and prioritize
Reviewing the priorities, discussing them and prioritizing the meetings is a good strategy.
(Photo: illustration Shutterstock)
Some might think that dividing time into categories is unromantic, but leaving everything to spontaneity often leaves us overstretched and exhausted with each new commitment.
"If a couple perceives that they do not have time to enjoy moments together, and/or to share with other affective ties, it is advisable to
review the priorities and prioritize the social issue
, which is vital for health in general, for mental health in particular and, of course, for the long-term support of the couple's project," Savoini said.
In the words of the sexologist (on Instagram, @ssavoini) people often make the mistake of leaving socio-affective encounters or
leisure activities in the last place
.
By always being postponed, we not only burden the link with the interactions of duty and obligation, we also affect our quality of life.
3.- Do not impose yourself, ask yourself what are the expectations of each one
Expressing what each other's expectations are about meeting with friends helps avoid misunderstandings and promote consensus.
(Photo: illustration Shutterstock)
The links are not static or immovable, quite the opposite.
For this reason, being clear about and being able to
convey what we expect and want
from our partner as time goes by is one of the greatest skills that both can cultivate, not only to optimally manage time but also to maintain harmony between the two people.
Effective communication is characterized by the fact that we are "capable of assertively transmitting what we want, and listening to
what the other's expectations are
in order to reach a conciliatory agreement based on that," Savoini said.
4.- There will be difficulties sometimes, that can happen
The unforeseen events and the little free time that many people have are also challenges that will be overcome (Photo: illustration Shutterstock)
Understanding that "we are going to deal with difficulties that basically result from the fact that, currently, the time freed up to choose what we want to do outside of obligations is extremely scarce" is another of the premises that Savoini pointed out.
His colleague agreed and clarified that "if there were reproaches from the partner or complaints of not feeling a priority, [it is important] to always be able to speak, express and verbalize these feelings assertively
"
.
Enriquez (on Instagram, @lic.lauraenriquez) continued and clarified that it is beneficial: "Prepare proposals that work for both of you, which also include activities with yourself and personal projects, quality time with other people and time for the family and children, if there were any.
" They
can also open up the possibility of professional consultation (individual psychological or in the form of couples therapy)," said Enriquez
.
consultations, some intervention or guidelines can improve the quality of life of oneself and of the couples”.
Signs that we may be facing an "absorbing" link
Fostering the autonomy of the members of the couple is necessary.
(Photo: illustration Shutterstock)
The jargon of "toxic people" even crept into the jokes that monetize the platforms: videos of a few seconds in which "allowing the couple to go out" without controversy or arguments is taken as a suspicious sign that something is not right in the relationship.
But, instead of qualifying a person as "absorbent" at some point, Savoini raised the idea of thinking about
bonds of dependency
: "The symbiosis that develops in some bonds has more to do with an insecure attachment than with love ". The specialist pointed out that anxious attachments, the need to control or the fear of losing the other are worrisome because they can limit the freedom of the other person.
Very different, yes, from relationships in which one is
an extrovert
or the other
an introvert
and the hobbies of each go to opposite ends of social interaction.
An important clarification distinguishes introversion from isolation.
The circle of friends of someone who tends to be an introvert is smaller, but not non-existent.
Introversion does not have to translate into isolation
or seclusion.
If one of the two people "doesn't go out much" Enriquez
totally advised against conditioning the other to do what we would do
if it is not their wish.
Just as, on his part, it would be a red flag to "prohibit, encourage, or subtly suggest that the same should be done."
In summary, Savoini concluded that "identifying each other's vulnerabilities and being able to
promote autonomy
, even if it seems otherwise, is what contributes the most to the intimacy of the couple."
look also
All About Us: When Sharing Your Relationship On Social Networks Becomes Too Much
Back to normality: 5 keys to not lose eroticism as a couple after the holidays
How to prevent vaginal dryness from affecting sexual life
