As has happened with so many other things, it turns out that historically discriminated social groups had already invented this
thing before the masses adopted it.
Thus, the world should recognize that African Americans and homosexuals came first.
that is, a papi, is a man of legal age, with an attractive physique but not typically muscular, with a protective, serene and decisive character who, in a relationship with a younger person, acts as a protector, mentor and sometimes patron , in addition to (that's what we've come to) sexual partner.
References to a daddy
as a sentimental couple already appear in jazz and blues scores from the 1910s sung by black artists
It occurs, for example, in the classic
I'm Crazy About Your Lovin (I'm crazy about your love)
, dated around 1919, in which they sang "I have a loving daddy that the truth is that he loves without equal / when he begins with kissing is truly unrivaled."
Another popular theme in the early twenties is titled:
How can I be your sweet mom if you are already someone else's daddy?
In the 1970s, the homosexual community knew that there were many things it could borrow from the African-American community, such as disco music: when it was still forbidden for people of the same sex to dance together in many parts of the world, they discovered dance music, which did not need any couple.
This adoption of the
would soon arrive , at the beginning in
) or in others much less kind (in prison the term
was used to define the partner who defended you in fights and also gave you sex).
This is what the history books say.
The psychologist Gabriel J. Martín points to another more mundane reason: belonging to the
“One of the implications that occurred is that we shared the same spaces for socializing and it was easy to find a 25-year-old boy in the same bar where a 40-year-old man was having a beer.”
Among lesbian women, couples with a large age difference are also very common.
The case of Sarah Paulson, 48, and his girlfriend Holland Taylor, 80, is the favorite of the Internet.
Pedro Pascal: misfortune and triumph of the Chilean with Spanish origins who has become the first star of 2023
Thus, it is appropriate to start with an act of justice: the term
, like so many other things, we have borrowed from historically disadvantaged groups.
“In the end, the upper classes have always had a certain inaccessibility and their leisure usually involves more paraphernalia”, explains María Bastarós, art historian, cultural manager and author of
An Illustrated History of Women
An Illustrated History of Sexuality
(both from Lumen).
“Think of the opera, for example.
However, the leisure of the popular classes is more open to participation, more visible and also more liberated in everything that has to do with bodily and sexual expressiveness.
It is normal that we adopt the
, for example, for which all you need is music and a body, instead of the regattas, for which we need... many sailboats”.
Sarah Paulson and Holland Taylor at a Louis Vuitton show during the last fashion week in Paris.Stephane Cardinale - Corbis (Corbis via Getty Images)
The masses, then, would take a while to adopt the
, despite the fact that in 1968 there was a small flash: the group The Zombies sang in
Time of the Season,
one of the defining songs of psychedelia: “What's your name?
Who is your daddy?
Is he rich like me?
In 1978 Christine McVie wrote
, one of Fleetwood Mac's most unclassifiable love songs. In 1987 George Michael sang, in the poignant and somewhat haunting
: "I'll be your father figure / put your little hand on mine / I'll be your preacher, your teacher / I'll be your daddy / Everything you have in your head”.
, which was number one in the United States and one of the most successful songs of that year, is included in an album that sold 20 million copies.
Long before social networks idealized and celebrated the interesting gentleman with gray hair, there were already millions of people screaming in his rooms: "I'll be your daddy."
Michael would not come out of the closet until 1998, although only in the United States did they seem surprised.
The term has intrigued the public since the beginning of this century.
In a 2002 episode of
Sex and the City,
a man immediately stops a fuck when his younger lover calls him "daddy."
The Washington Post
dedicated a long article to the word and in 2018
The New York Times
baptized that year as "the year of
Latinos use it with special zeal: Lorna sang
in 2003, Maluma titled an album
in 2020. There have been many
in recent popular culture: Idris Elba, David Harbour, Jeff Goldblum, Oscar Isaac, Christopher Meloni or John Krasinski are great examples.
All of them are men between the ages of 40 and 60, more or less, they proudly display gray hair, some wrinkles and do not have bodies sculpted in the gym, simply a privileged plant with which they are born and cannot be bought.
They attract sexually, yes, but also in an intellectual, paternal, empathetic and romantic way.
In 2014, the Disneyland DILFs
is the acronym for “father I would like to fuck” in English), which today accumulates almost half a million followers and whose title does not lie: they are photos of extremely handsome parents walking through Disneyland.
“The happiest place on Instagram”, is slyly announced in its header.
It's not that they're canonically good, which is often too: they're only attractive to their followers because they're parents.
David Harbor pictured for ICON in Los Angeles in 2020. Charlie Gray
It is Pedro Pascal, thanks especially to his role in
The Last of Us
(a father tormented by the loss of his daughter from the first episode and irresistibly attractive even after several days without showering or changing his clothes because he crosses a desolate country and taken over by zombies). the one that has turned the term into an omnipresent one.
TikTok has had a lot to do with it.
pedro pascal daddy
launched in his search engine yield videos that add up to almost 750 million views.
Pascal himself, always solicitous and kind to the press, seems to have had enough.
Earlier this month he was walking the red carpet at the season three premiere of
Access Hollywood reporter
He asked him to read aloud some risque tweets that talk about him.
After reading them, Pascal says a polite and smiling: “No”.
this is the worst thing I've ever seen pic.twitter.com/7npzBOqCxk
— lauren |
joel defend (@djarinluck) March 1, 2023
Pascal tries to stop a game that he gladly played for a while, perhaps thinking that it was innocent and that it was also benefiting his career and popularity.
This past January, at the premiere
of The Last of Us
, a reporter told him "Do you know that you are the daddy of the Internet?"
She was then asked to read a fan tweet that read “I refer to Pedro Pascal as a
and he is my hot and cool daddy”.
“Yes, I'm your hot and cool daddy,” he said to the camera, giving in to the wishes of his fan (and the entire Internet).
"I am your cool, slutty daddy."
-Pedro Pascal #TheLastOfUs pic.twitter.com/yeQYkcHW1F
— Entertainment Tonight (@etnow) January 16, 2023
It is possible that Pascal himself fears that he is becoming a fetish, being reified as other famous men and women have been before, reduced to sex symbols.
Bastarós confirms that the obsession with
It's another fetish.
“Perhaps it is not as violent as others because the desiring subject, the young girl, is the one that remains in the supposedly subordinate role and not the other way around.
I also think that it is a fetish that is very easy to understand, since it is only a translation of how society understands us as individuals and of what erotic capital it grants us: man provides materially and intellectually, brings wisdom, experience, and protection against threats.
And the woman youth, freshness, beauty, fertility... I think it can even lead to self-infantilization that limits personal growth.
Putting another in the role of provider, protector, or teacher puts you in the role of a child.
But yes, I also liked my professors at the university.”
Gabriel J. Martín also warns of the toxic dynamics that can sometimes occur in this type of relationship: “There are gentlemen who are 20 years older than their boyfriends or who are dedicated to looking for boys who are 20 years younger than them because they are more sexually appealing or, above all, much more manipulable because they have much less experience in life and are very easy to convince to do whatever they want with them.
And there are also young boys who take advantage of the attraction they have over mature men without much self-esteem to have a person who is in charge of solving all their problems and subsidizing all their whims.
I have treated one and the other in consultation: victims of older manipulators and victims of brats who wanted to get the money out of them”.
Jeff Goldblum walks the red carpet at the 75th Venice Film Festival. Eamonn M. McCormack (Getty Images)
In any case, the enormous popularity of the term
or papi has made it lose part of its original meaning to become almost a synonym for hot guy, since it is now applied to men who have neither gray hair, nor strong bodies, nor too resolute looking or too old to still be
, as is the case with Zayn Malik, Ryan Gosling or Drake.
Could it happen with a woman?
The figure of the MILF ("mother I would fuck") is constant in the cinema from
and just that term, MILF, was the third most searched on PornHub in 2022 according to its annual report (stepmom was seventh).
But could there be a
with the connotations of
, who, apart from sexual power, exhibits a protective and intellectual influence, in the style of the motomami imagined by Rosalía?
Bastarós fears not.
“I think that the woman as a provider does not have erotic capital.
Another thing is that there is a
, but that is an economic pact.
Neither fiction nor experience show enough examples of relationships between a young man and an older woman for us to talk about
There are some famous examples, like that of Emmanuel Macron.
But he met his wife Brigitte when he was 15 and she was 39. A mind-blowing case in many ways, but not exactly the eroticization of an older woman.
There is also that of Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore.
They got married when she was an absolute babe and he was rich, independent and famous, so the role of provider / protector of her is not what prevails on the table.
Pascal may be a visionary in wanting to step away from his
"The figure of man as a provider and protector is in decline," concludes Bastarós.
“With the massive incorporation of women into the labor market and even more so with the explosion of feminism, a more critical look has been taking place towards men who are with much younger women, as is happening with Leonardo DiCaprio, although it is still something within the norm”.
DiCaprio, by the way, originated the term
(daddy's body) in 2015, after appearing with some belly in paparazzi photos on a yacht.
Only then did the world seem to accept that someone without abs is also desirable.
In Spain we call it
Fortunately, no one uses it anymore.
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