"We are all someone's slaves", states the immortal song of Berry Sakharoff, but few know intimately the feeling of slavery followed by the success of breaking free and becoming a free person, especially when the slavery is internal and emotional and enslaves them to dangerous substances.
Addiction is modern slavery, and unlike physical slavery, it comes from pain and weakness, but when wean ourselves from it, we find strength and inspiration.
In honor of Freedom Day, three former addicts agreed to come forward and tell their personal freedom story.
One is Yaeli, 50 years old, married and the mother of a 4-year-old child. She recovered from drug addiction and tells about the feelings that led her to use: "From a young age I felt like I didn't belong because I realized I was a lesbian. 40 years ago it was still a taboo subject and even a complete ban, the biggest curse There was - 'gay.' Already in the third grade I couldn't wear a dress and it was very unacceptable," she tells Walla!.
According to her, she felt different and great frustration.
"I was afraid that I would feel alienated all my life and I grew up in a relatively liberal place. My coming out was at the age of 17 when my mother caught me kissing my best friend. They took it very hard, they told me that they would never accept it and they are embarrassed by what Let the neighbors say. They thought I would be lonely all my life, and in fact I thought so too."
"I started using drugs in the army," continues Yaeli.
"I was a soldier teacher with new immigrants in the studio. I lived in a shared apartment with other soldier teachers and some boys came to us and they brought drugs with them. My first joint was very pleasant, I felt that it gave me release from all the burden I have on who I am and removes all The bad feelings. I never felt connected to femininity and in the army the roles between men and women are very dichotomous, especially at that time, even with the obligation to wear a skirt in ceremonies it was very difficult for me. I felt that my insecurity and inadequacy grew even more and the drugs helped soften these feelings."
Soon, drug use for Yaeli became a daily occurrence.
"I became the one who delivers and brings the drugs," she recalls.
"I felt that with this I could conquer the world and I am all the hard feelings. The drugs and their trade gave me strength and meaning because I always looked masculine with cropped hair and wide pants - so no dealer started with me and I was not afraid of them and on the other hand I was able to start with girls and they were free with me Because they were from the Stone Age."
Yaeli started in a joint and progressed to hard drugs (Photo: ShutterStock)
After her release from the army, Yaeli met her partner and the two continued their lives under the drugs.
"We lived on trips and drugs all day. It got worse to drugs like ecstasy and more. From taking Ritalin once a day it deteriorated to four pills a day," she says openly.
No one saw that I was an addict and I didn't define myself that way either.
I didn't inject so I didn't look like addicts who can't hold their heads up, it was a lifestyle."
The difficulty with drugs began when Yaeli and her partner decided they wanted children: "I realized that I needed to cut down on drugs and alcohol. I lost weight a bit, got pregnant and had a quiet birth. We went through two years of great grief and in the process we were in crazy parties and endless parties. Then my wife got pregnant, For the first two years of our son, I preferred boating to being with him. He would lie on his gaming pad and we would be on the porch smoking. I had no interest in him at all. Slowly our relationship became toxic with violence between us. Drugs were great as long as we didn't have a commitment. Suddenly We had to stick to hours, and play with him and feed me. Before I get sick I can't function at all and a child can't stand those times. I preferred Stella to the baby and he felt it, and as he felt it and became more resistant. The drugs calmed the hard feelings of loneliness and suddenly I have a family with an amazing child and I can't enjoy it and the drugs threaten to destroy my big dream."
Yaeli and her partner went to a couples therapist who told them to go to rehab.
"They asked me to start the first shacht at ten in the morning instead of seven. It was very difficult for me. I hated myself and I was the world. From there I came to a meeting of Narcotics Anonymous. I realized that I had put the drugs before everything else. We threw everything out of the house and two and a half hours later I was clean. It was a special feeling that filled me and gave me to wean. Today, I enjoy raising our child and saved our relationship," concludes Yaeli.
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Prof. Shaoli Lev-Ran, founder of the Israeli Center for Addictions (photo: official website, Ella Faust)
According to the report of the Israeli Center for Addictions, 14.7% of Israelis suffer from addiction - one in seven Israelis is addicted to behavior or substances. Addictions are divided into two families - substances and substance behaviors - alcohol, drugs, smoking. Behaviors - gambling, computer games, sex and pornography and shopping.
Professor Shaoli Lev-Ran, founder and academic director of the center, explains how we reached these high numbers: "Although we can all develop an addiction, there are people and situations that significantly increase the risk.
Addiction is born from a lot of suffering and an attempt to self-treat negative emotions, it is an attempt to escape suffering such as anxiety, depression or traumatic experiences with the help of addictive substances or behaviors.
In the early stages it does relieve the pain, but gradually it is not enough, you need more of the substance or the behavior to continue to calm the pain, and gradually it takes a more and more central place in life."
He further explains that "Often, it is part of a mental disorder, which is why we look at the two disorders - the mental and the addiction - as connected to each other. It is important to address the mental problem as part of the addiction treatment, otherwise it is difficult for a person to give up what he experiences as a lifeline."
According to Lev-Ran, "In the rehab process, the first thing you need is to get help from someone else, because addiction causes a feeling of friendship and shame. A significant part of treatment is creating meaningful relationships with other people, so one of the significant things is turning to help - either to groups or a therapist or even a friend or family member The symptoms of physical withdrawal usually go away within a few weeks, and the important thing is to continue long-term treatment in order to prevent the return of the addiction. The withdrawal phase is the initial distance from the substance or behavior, after that the significant thing is not only what I took out of life but mainly what I brought into life instead - People, activities, and meaning. The most important thing to remember is that there are very effective treatments for addictions, and everything starts with the first step of seeking help," Lev-Ran concludes.
Addicted to porn: "I couldn't do without it"
The addiction of Uri Lavia, 38 years old from Givat Nili, is different.
He was addicted to porn and today he is an emotional coach and accompanies men in rehab processes with a similar addiction: "I started like any curious child when the Internet began to develop and reveal endless possibilities. Gradually it became a part of my life until I reached a situation where I couldn't live without it. On the one hand, I want And I need it, and on the other hand, I'm disgusted with myself. I want to stop, but I can't."
I grew up in a home with violence from my father," says Uri. "I couldn't contain this pain and the pleasure in porn allowed me to deal with it, even today I can say it's the best thing in the world.
For addicts today it's even a bigger deal because it's even more available, it's free and it's always in the palm of my hand.
We used to have perhaps Dad's only porn booklet, today there is a flood of materials all the time and because the pornography on the Internet is constantly and renewed - this makes the stimulation a peak."
Uri describes how his addiction to porn prevented him from developing relationships.
"When you're addicted, you don't turn to porn for lust, but from a place that, like a man trying to flow with a woman and telling her to 'come to you,' that's how I felt I was saying to myself. As if I was attacking and harassing myself. I forced myself like a man forces himself on a woman," he Explains.
Uri Lavi (photo: courtesy of those photographed)
The way to stop the addiction was difficult for Uri.
"Little by little I realized that I can't live like this, that I'm not ready anymore. I start trying to stop even for short periods of a week, then I fell. Then two weeks, then a month. I started to get my body used to longer periods without porn and suddenly I saw that I had lasted two years without porn. To this day, I sometimes fall, but I immediately get back up and don't let it knock me down without stopping," he says.
Uri sends a message to other addicts that breaking free from the yoke is possible: "Other men who are dealing with this addiction need to understand that it's okay that they don't know how to break free from it and don't believe it's possible. The important thing is not to be alone in this, to share a therapist or a family member who will look at me with good eyes on Even the hardest thing I tell him. To be able to free yourself from your own shackles is the greatest joy and compassion you can ask for."
Hagai Tzhor (photo: official website, Muriel Etzioni)
From addict to rehab guide
Hagai Tzhor, 43 years old from Kibbutz Dan, became addicted to drugs and currently treats addicts himself.
"I had a difficult childhood in the children's home on the kibbutz. As a child I suffered from anxiety and sleeping together was very difficult for me, I suffered from nightmares at night and I was afraid of the dark and being alone. From a very young age I already had 'death anxiety'. I think that the feeling of abnormality, lack of belonging and existential anxiety continued with me On with my life."
Hagai's life continued to deteriorate even after puberty.
He dropped out of school in the 11th grade and had difficulty integrating socially, which also led him to criminal acts such as burglaries and thefts as well as cases opened against him for using cannabis. After that, he fought to enlist in combat service and joined the Nahal Brigade.
"The military service was a good time because I felt like I belonged, even in a command position," he says.
"The feelings of not belonging were completely suppressed because I found myself and even excelled, but immediately on discharge leave I felt the loneliness again and that I had no value in society. At once I returned to the struggles I had before the army - in fact they didn't go anywhere, they just sat and waited. Lack of a framework and a path The orderly resettled all the difficulties in dealing with life for me. Cannabis came in as a medicine, I smoked from morning till night and it disrupted all the plans I had to find a job and go on a trip like any Israeli. Always at a certain point I had to choose between going to work in the morning and staying at home with The bang and the bang beat me every time."
Hagai entered rehab four times in his life.
The last one was 12 years ago.
"Each time I returned to use, the addiction worsened and I was exposed to harder drugs, up to cocaine, LSD, and in the last three years, alcohol was added," he says. And alcohol was a drug that helped me get out of the house and see people, but it brought me to my knees and forced me to take action."
At the age of 31, he also quit alcohol, 12 years ago, and entered the 12-step program.
"Already at the beginning of the rehab process and the treatments, I noticed that I understood my own and others' rehab processes and I felt that I could do the job of a guide well. My dream was to be a rehab guide, gradually I realized that this is not the end of the road and I should be a therapist. It gave me a sense of worth , belonging. The experience of meaning and transcendence in being part of the process of a person going free - there is nothing like it."
Hagai also wants to send a message to addicts that everything is possible: "There is no need to remain bound by the chains of the suffering of addiction, it is possible to break free from it. There is help out there and there is dedicated professional treatment for addictions and self-help groups. There is no need to be ashamed of dealing with addiction."
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