A decision that, at some point in life, crosses most
families
.
When mothers, fathers or uncles get old, doubts that are difficult to resolve appear: could it be that the time has come when they no longer live alone?
Or can that decision still be “stretched”?
How to respect his will without ceasing to watch over his integrity?
What if waiting is not the right decision?
There are many questions that appear at this stage, and many times
no solution leaves
the family satisfied.
What ends up happening is that they opt for what is believed to be the lesser evil.
However, according to experts consulted by
Clarín
, there are some alarm signals, red flags, which unequivocally indicate that a person can no longer continue living alone.
The first activities that older people stop doing are going outside.
Photo Shutterstock.
loss of autonomy
It is
difficult to generalize,
since there are as many family situations and personalities as there are individuals in this world.
In fact, there may be people who at 95 manage perfectly well alone, and others who at 75 no longer do so.
Therefore, age is not necessarily a variable.
Mariano Sassano, a specialist in social gerontology and physical activity for the elderly, assures that the central factor that will help us determine whether or not a family member can continue to live alone is their
autonomy
.
"The indicator is related to the basic activities of daily life, the fact of being able to provide for oneself and be autonomous, both in purchases and in managing money, in the use of different instruments within the home, being able to move alone", enumerate.
"To the extent that a person begins to need
help from elements or third parties
is when they begin to lose quality of life," says Sassano, who is a professor at the Faculty of Human Mobility and Sports at the Inter-American Open University (UAI). , specialized in Social Gerontology.
"According to the literature and what one sees in the countryside, the first activities that older people stop doing are going
abroad
. From there, other activities of daily life are abandoned. Older people start to stay more at home, and maybe the relatives are the ones who have to go visit them", she expands.
The
reasons
why the person stops doing things are both motor and mental difficulties.
Ricardo Jauregui, president of the International Association of Gerontology and Geriatrics, highlights this last feature.
"It has to do with their
cognitive state
, when the person begins to show signs of ignorance of their environment, no longer recognizes their home, a family member, or takes risks by leaving the door open, a faucet, or gas," warns.
In this sense, he admits that before reaching that stage, other
signs
can be identified : "There may be a previous stage, where he began to have problems making purchases, he went out into the street in a neighborhood that he had known all his life and disorients, things that are raising alarms".
Many older people feel vulnerable at the idea of living with a stranger.
Photo Shutterstock.
Postponing the decision as long as it is not risky
However, in most cases, it is
the family members
who must make the decision for the person to live with someone, many times even against their will.
How to know how far to "stretch" the situation?
Jauregui assures that although the limit may be
diffuse
, this decision should be postponed as long as possible, as long as the person is not at risk.
"The old aphorism of 'use it or lose it' says it. The idea is not to stop doing anything, because that creates a situation in which people psychologically begin to feel that they are useless, and they can become depressed. You always
have
to try to encourage them to continue doing everything," he says.
They affirm that this decision should be postponed as long as possible, as long as the person is not at risk.
Photo Shutterstock.
How long to drive?
Both experts admit that this is a complex and even sensitive issue.
"Driving is a big issue, especially with
men
," says Jauregui.
"Worldwide studies indicate that older adult drivers, when they are well and when they are healthy, tend to be
much more responsible
than younger ones, firstly because they are experienced, and secondly because they are much more prudent, and the rate of accidents is generally minor," he says.
Now, is there a limit to driving?
"If he has a physical problem, the same person realizes: he can't press a pedal, or his shoulder hurts. If he has a cognitive problem, the antecedent
of
'dad drives perfectly, but the other day he got lost in the car' usually appears."
neighborhood', these are the moments", he points out.
"The big question is when there is minimal deterioration, whether or not this minimum deterioration should be an indication for the person to stop driving. And here there
is no recommendation
," he admits.
Meanwhile, Sassano recognizes the complexity of the matter, since it can happen that a person of 80 years is still driving perfectly, and perhaps a 70-year-old will no longer be granted a driver's license according to the evaluations carried out.
"Here the indicator has to be
municipal
or state traffic control, since through tests, be it hearing, vision, or mental tests, it will be determined whether or not they are fit to continue doing so," he suggests.
Statistically, older people are more cautious to drive than younger people.
Photo Shutterstock.
How to broach the issue when there is resistance
The truth is that most older people
resist
going from living alone to living with another person or people, especially when it comes to people who are not family members.
Why does this happen and what advice can we give to families who are going through this stage?
Regarding what it implies on a subjective level to assume that one can no longer live alone, the gerontologist suggests that dependency is precisely one of the
greatest fears
linked to this stage of life.
"When you ask the elderly what they are afraid of, none of them tells you death, they all tell you
to depend
on others ('depending on my children, being a burden'), then assume that you cannot live anymore it can only be a strong blow and even trigger depression," he says.
It also ensures that the ways to resolve these issues at the family level are among the
most frequent concerns
in the office of geriatricians and gerontologists.
"It is very difficult, because we always enter into the discussion of the rights of one and the other, we all tend -and even more when we get older-, not to accept that we have disabilities and that we need help, and in general there is a lot of reluctance
,
" Jauregui acknowledges.
He also admits that the difficulty lies in the fact that older people feel
vulnerable
in the presence of a stranger.
"It's complicated because sometimes they think they're going to be robbed, or in fact they are robbed, and then they get a little more paranoid and it's very hard to accept."
"What you have to do is go accompanying, talking, advising, promoting, for example, that help at home start
with a few hours,
with the criteria that it is help for the home and not because the person has a problem. Go looking strategies to try to incorporate people and get them used to the idea that there is someone in the house," he suggests.
***
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