The confrontation between spontaneity and planning is usually a repeated controversy when it comes to
sexual encounters
.
However, the validity of this opposition remains in doubt if subjective appreciations are taken into account, which are decisive in terms of privacy.
Without leaning towards either of these two variants, it is possible to say that in the field of sexuality, both what is improvised and what is programmed has its benefits.
The psychologist and sexologist
Silvana Savoini
confirmed to
Clarín
that "from sexology, ratings of 'better' or 'worse' are avoided with respect to the modality, times or forms that sexual practices can take, because it is understood that there is no way that is universally valid, since what is absolutely subjective, and what is always prioritized is respecting the uniqueness of each person and/or couple”.
planned sex
Planning sexual activity can offer the benefit of being in the conditions that we want or need to be able to enjoy.
Photo illustration Shutterstock.
Planning a sexual encounter has several points in its favor.
According to Savoini, who coordinates the Diploma of Advanced Studies in Sexology and Neurosciences at the National University of Rosario, "in a project, desire, imagination, creativity, commitment to what we prioritize as a priority, and the decision to to dispose of the resources of time, attention and energy that are required”.
As a consequence, planning sexual activity can offer the benefit of being in the conditions that we want or need to be able to enjoy: rested, with availability of time and with all the details that eroticize us in terms of personal care and provision of space and privacy, added the specialist.
“Ultimately, all this also reduces the stress that improvisation, rushing, uncertainty, discomfort or other tensions that may arise from the unforeseen irruption of erotica in the midst of everyday life can generate”, he explained.
The fact of programming does not necessarily mean that everything projected must be fulfilled to the letter.
Photo illustration Shutterstock.
Savoini clarified that for the experience to be positive, sexual assertiveness is key, understanding it as the ability to express directly, empathetically and respectfully what we like, and what we don't, in private.
In addition, he emphasized that the fact of programming does not necessarily mean that everything projected must be fulfilled to the letter.
“Planning a moment and a space for the meeting (with another or with oneself) must not imply the obligatory nature of what 'must' happen there”, he pointed out.
"If that meeting is experienced as an opportunity for what arises to occur smoothly and is not experienced as the fulfillment of a mandate, freedom is preserved," he said.
When we feel too comfortable with what we already know works, we often repeat sequences that become predictable.
Photo illustration Shutterstock.
Regarding the planning linked to the "dreaded ghost of the routine", the sexologist mentioned that this is not necessarily bad.
“Routines give us peace of mind, but what can be detrimental is that this situational setting kills creativity,” she said.
When we feel too comfortable with what we already know works,
sequences
that become predictable tend to be repeated, which can demotivate people, since in the face of repetition, what previously worked now stops operating as a stimulus.
spontaneous sex
"Knowing the preferences (one's own and the other's) is an advantage," Savoini said.
Photo illustration Shutterstock.
“
Spontaneity in eroticism is overrated
”, anticipated the specialist to demolish the false idea that at the top of that kind of ranking of the sexual virtues of the popular imagination.
"Anything pleasant that unexpectedly bursts into our lives is stimulating, it wakes us up, it activates a neurobiological cascade of catecholamines (dopamine, adrenaline, norepinephrine) that is pleasant and makes us feel that taste for adventure," Savoini explained.
This, he added, also allows the desire to be expressed without conditioning, but the flip side is that "we cannot always resolve what we want immediately."
Savoini: "Anything pleasant that unexpectedly breaks into our lives is stimulating." Photo illustration Shutterstock.
Is the ability to improvise lost in couples who have been together for many years?
According to the sexologist, "the time in a relationship does not necessarily imply that spontaneity costs, it all depends on how that couple has configured the erotica."
“It is true that we tend to 'sit back' in what is comfortable for us, what works.
By gaining intimacy (mutual knowledge and trust) we are also biasing the activities based on knowing the preferences (our own and the other), but that is not necessarily a bad thing;
on the contrary, I would say that it is an advantage”, closed the expert.
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