Sex has always been a complicated matter for me.
Maybe that's why I started messing with it at a relatively early stage - to try to decipher what I'm doing wrong - why it's less fun than what I've been told and seen in the movies.
Now, this month I will be 51 years old, and I reached sexual maturity in the late 1980s, when there was no Internet, no one talked about sex, and "informational" articles of various kinds would appear in women's magazines from time to time, just to confuse us even more, because in a society where women are ashamed to admit that they masturbate among themselves, it is clear that the article is also biased in favor of the masculinity that dominates the discourse.
The basic belief of almost every young woman back then was that she should simply enjoy sex, even if it amounts to penetration, pompoms and nothing else.
Everyone has heard that the pleasure is supposed to be expressed outwardly in the form of moans and strange twists that we imitated from the few sex scenes we encountered in movies and saw in movies (the Blue Lagoon guy) and if this thing doesn't happen that no one really explained to you how it's supposed to happen - then probably something is just not right with you works, and that all these sentences that literal mothers would say to their daughters, such as: "Lie down and wait for it to be over", or "Think of Mother England" - are wise advice and not symptoms of oppression.
In this illusory reality, the article "The female sex, or - how not to irritate our clitoris" was born more than 25 years ago.
I wrote it "jokingly" to my friend who didn't know how to like me, on his computer, in "Einstein".
Since then it became the first viral text in Israel (passed by email during the Incredi-Mail era), he had time to study at the university as part of a gender course, a program called "Sex and the Big City" appeared, the discourse completely changed and a few other trivial things happened such as the Me-Too movement.
After Nir left, all we had to do was wait for Dor to admit that he wanted Noya.
Omar Dahan's sign is a nightmare come true for the secular woman
, unfortunately, it is still relevant: how not to irritate our clit,
so how can it be, explain to me, that I open the New York Post and find a column by one woman named Jana Hawking, under the title "Why are so many women still faking orgasms?".
As if thirty years had not passed (Photo: ShutterStock)
How can it be that we are almost 30 years later, and it is still not clear to everyone that there is no point in this show so as not to appear damaged in the eyes of some moron?
"One of the most common complaints among women is the fact that most of them fake orgasms," she claims in her column, adding "and I know exactly why they do it."
She continues:
"Men do everything wrong!"
She complains, "Watch any sex scene in any movie - you'd think women get an orgasm as soon as a man puts his member inside her. According to most movies, all a man has to do is push a woman against a wall, or go into a standard missionary, and we're moaning with pleasure in seconds."
She adds and tells her readers that this is not how it works in real life, that our G-spot is not found so quickly, and suggests that men start foreplay (as if we were in the eighties).
"Take it slow, make it fun. And remember - he needs to be given a lot of attention. Because chances are, that rocking orgasm you think you just gave her... well, give her an Oscar, because she faked it pretty impressively."
I thought I was hallucinating.
It doesn't make sense that Yana Hawking writes in the New York Post in 2023 the same things I wrote in 1998 and hung up in a company's bathroom, 7 pages printed in seven pages that chases tied with string.
It doesn't make sense that women still fake orgasms and men still don't know what to do with a clitoris.
Does not make sense.
A couple having sex in bed (Photo: ShutterStock)
What, all these years we've been talking, no one's listening?
All the manuals, therapies, series, movies, open relationships, polyamory, S&M clubs, gender-conformity hacks and the 7000 different forms we insist there be so that everyone can accurately define their gender and tendencies - after all, Still many women fake orgasms?
I hereby sound an alarm that goes up and down, turn on a flashing red light, put up signs 'Beware of a biting dog', and draw the following grim conclusions:
a.
I'm just trying
hard.
Women probably still think they are fundamentally flawed
c.
When a woman hates herself so much, she has no right to talk about empowerment on TikTok
d.
As long as women do not take responsibility for this basic thing called "enjoyment of sex", we must not accuse men of
unbelievably bad sex, which is still not obvious to everyone and should be said, but if necessary, then necessary:
Don't fake orgasms.
If you're not done, then you're not done.
It doesn't mean that something is wrong with you, and if you want to finish - he needs to know that you haven't finished.
If your fear is that he will think that you are not good sex and will leave - face this insult with your head held high and continue to learn, teach and apply what makes you feel good.
If your fear is that he will feel bad about himself because you didn't finish - he has to deal with the blow to his ego, and ask what to do and how.
And if he asks (and almost everyone does) in Hayat, tell him.
Say exactly what you want, where, with which hand and whether at the same time or alternately, or on the stomach or on the back.
If you decide to take your orgasms with you to the grave and not share them with the world, that's also fine, but at least don't complain, or move on to sleeping with women, where it's more clear in advance what you're doing, and this technical communication is also perhaps less embarrassing.
We will end like at weddings in the movies, when the audience is asked if anyone has anything to say about this union, and if not, then they pledge to remain silent forever.
So if in your first sex you faked an orgasm and didn't talk - you've already ruined everything, and shut up forever.
Sheee
sex and relationship
Tags
Karin Arad
women
sex
Orgasms