At what age can I leave my child home alone? Guidelines for Giving Your Own Adult-Free Space

The well-known movie

left a bittersweet taste of comedy about the consequences of a child being left at home without adult supervision, but reality is not always stranger than fiction and, sometimes, not even close.

Fathers and mothers tend to be more reticent than minors when leaving them at home without adult supervision, explains Sara del Pie, health psychologist and family therapist: "It is to be expected that parents will have fears and feel anxiety, especially the first Sometimes, but the separation is part of growing up and this experience helps minors to be more independent and autonomous in the future”.

When to take the first step to leave the child alone?

"This question does not have a single answer," says Del Pie, "the fact that a child is left alone at home is part of the process of becoming an adult and parents have to accompany them on that path."

For the expert, 12 years of age is an appropriate time for them to do so, although she qualifies that age is not the only factor to take into account: "There are other elements that influence, such as their emotional maturity or the ability to meet their needs ”.

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Leaving a minor without adults at home implies transmitting the message that they are capable of taking care of themselves.

"If something happens, you have to be sure that you can solve or manage the problem so that, in addition to being able to protect yourself, you don't feel guilty and insecure," adds Fabiola Rincón, a clinical psychologist at the psychiatric service at the Rey Juan Carlos University Hospital. from Madrid.

"Nor should it be forgotten that, no matter how capable the child is, we make him responsible for something that may not correspond to him due to his developmental stage and age," Rincón clarifies.

This psychologist mentions various variables that parents should take into account when making this decision: "Cognitive development or their ability to reason and think, which will allow them to know what is dangerous or not, as well as the capacity for responsibility, It will depend on his personality and degree of maturity.

A child, for example, may act foolishly because he is overwhelmed by his curiosity and need to explore, which can be a risk.

Rincón emphasizes that a child can meet the two previous requirements, but not have a sufficient level of autonomy to solve a problem that may arise: "That is why all these aspects must be assessed to know if they are prepared to stay home alone" .

“Indeed, children must be able to feel safe and competent to be able to regulate their emotions in the absence of an adult, how to entertain themselves or ask for help from others, if necessary”, resumes Del Pie.

The health psychologist and family therapist mentions several guidelines to facilitate this process, which, in addition, recommends that it be gradual:

• Talk to the children about the expectation that this situation generates with questions such as: What would you do? How do you think you would feel if you were left alone while you were taking out the garbage?

  The answers can guide adults about the needs that the minor perceives and about the supports that they can offer.

• Train the necessary skills to guarantee their physical and emotional safety so that they can act in an emergency, with guidelines such as who and how to call the parents' mobile or the emergency telephone number.

  A simulation situation can be created to play by calling the parents from another room and rehearsing different situations.

• Offer clear indications of what they can and cannot do when adults are not at home, such as: watching television, opening the door, or avoiding using certain electrical appliances.

• Inform him about the time of departure and arrival home and the time he will be alone, as well as explain what the adult will be doing during his absence, such as picking up his brother at school, so that he has a greater sense of security.

• Say goodbye calmly before leaving home and remember that you can call when you need it.

• Start the process gradually over short periods of time, even as little as two minutes, and do it at times when they are calm and relaxed, such as when they don't have homework to do.

• Greet the child when he returns home and ask him about his feelings during the time he has been alone.

  If he has been calm and comfortable, he can gradually extend his time without adult supervision.

  In case you have been feeling scared and sad, it is convenient to reduce the minutes in solitude and it is a good idea for the parents to make a call home during your absence.

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