Sleep divorce: the benefits of sleeping in separate beds

2023-05-16T09:37:23.710Z

Highlights: 63% of couples do not sleep together most of the night. 26% of respondents said they sleep better in solitude and 9% admitted to doing so in separate rooms. Poor sleep generates feelings of fatigue, changes in mood and memory problems. The origin of the "marital bed" is based on the "Marital duty to share the bed for the purpose of sexual intercourse for procreation" The more rest, the better mood and less irritability. In couples who are well asleep and rested, desire is encouraged.

Separate beds or rooms can benefit both rest and sex life. Consequences of sleeping poorly for the couple

It is called sleep divorce and, according to studies and specialists, it is an increasingly frequent approach among couples who want to sleep better. Although spending the night together may be an almost automatic marriage practice, different eventualities or preferences call into question its benefits.

Sleeping in beds or separate rooms requires availability of spaces, which is a limitation for a large part of the population. But, when this is possible, the points in favor are multiple.

According to research from the Better Sleep Council of the United States, sleeping apart solves sleep problems. The report determined that 63% of couples do not sleep together most of the night. Moreover, 26% of respondents said they sleep better in solitude and 9% admitted to doing so in separate rooms. The same survey found that nearly 2 in 10 Americans said the ideal home is with separate master bedrooms.

So, how much is there of desire and how much of imposition when it comes to sharing the bed?, Why is this, indisputably, associated with the bond and sexuality?

2 in 10 Americans say the ideal home is with separate master bedrooms. Photo illustration Shutterstock.

Sleeping well is not a matter of fashion

The psychologist and sexologist María Gabriela Simone explained to Clarín that "although there is more and more talk about sleep divorce, this is not really a fashion but has to do with being able to feel free, respect ourselves and respect the couple."

The origin of the "marital bed," he stressed, is based on the "marital duty to share the bed for the purpose of sexual intercourse for procreation." Thus, over the years "the belief that people who love each other sleep together" was culturally installed, which is not necessarily the case.

"When we talk about sleeping as a couple we all think of the 'spoon', in which we curl up, pamper ourselves. And that's beautiful, but here we are talking about sleep, "said the specialist after extolling the importance of sleep for physical and mental health.

The needs and customs at the time of sleep do not have to be the same." A couple is made up of two individuals, two people who have different stories. Different things can happen at bedtime: one watches TV until very late, one wakes up very early, there is one who snores, one who needs a little light, one who is hot and another who is cold. When the two people are glued it is inevitable that one affects the other, and that generates bad sleep, "he said.

Poor sleep generates feelings of fatigue, changes in mood and memory problems. Photo illustration Shutterstock.

The effects of this are harmful for the rest of the day. These include drowsiness, feelings of fatigue, changes in mood, memory and/or concentration problems, listlessness, decreased productivity and irritability.

Simone insisted: "Sleeping well has to do with resting, it is the moment when one repairs physically and psychically. If we do not sleep or rest well, physical and psychic havoc is generated. With the couple we share daily life. If one of the two did not sleep or rest well, in the consecutiveness of the days, how will he treat his partner?, How will he be able to negotiate?, How will he be able to empathize? If we're irritable, it's not going to be okay at all."

Separate beds: benefits on sleep and sexuality

Separate beds or rooms can not only cause benefits in the sleep of both members of the couple but also contribute to their sex life.

The more rest, the better mood and less irritability. On the other hand, the feeling of missing that other or another may increase. The psychologist (on Instagram, @licenciadagabysimone) said that "in couples who are well asleep and rested, desire is encouraged, which is beneficial for both sexuality and bonding."

"In couples who are well asleep and rested, desire is encouraged," Simone said. Photo illustration Shutterstock.

Maria is 43 years old and has been in a relationship with Lucas, 45, for a decade. Six years ago they chose separate rooms for a matter of snoring. "He didn't sleep and I didn't sleep," said the woman, describing that the dynamic became impossible: she woke him up asking for silence and they ended up awake.

"It was an option that relieved us day to day because we woke up in a very bad mood. Breaking prejudice was a salvation," she said with conviction.

Intimacy, he clarified, is intact: "When we want to have sex, we have it. We stayed in bed and at bedtime, each to his space. It was very talked about and we are both very happy with the decision."

"You have to demystify that the bed or the day are the meeting point: not necessarily. We broke with that and the practical prevails over the traditional," Maria concluded.

Simone highlighted the possibility of experimenting, of alternating moments together and apart when it comes to sleep. "Couples are dynamic. You can try it, some nights yes, others no. You can be flexible. And when they want they can sleep together again: they will find themselves with more desire, "he concluded.