Old Americans, cigars, rum and salsa evenings... If, before leaving for Cuba, you project yourself into the postcard, the reality of the island, halfway between an episode of Lost and a Dirty Dancing communist version, may surprise you. The sandy beaches are sumptuous it is true.
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The Viñales Valley, whose countryside caresses as far as the eye can see the mogotes, mountains in the shape of sugar loaf, seems straight out of a fairy tale. The blockade that isolates the island had relatively eased with Obama, hardened again in 2021 with Trump. Combined with the disastrous years of Covid for tourism, it has made Cuba a seemingly cheap destination. Hop, let's go to water my thirst to finally look like "Baby" (who we do not leave in a corner). I embark in the country of Che my - only - communist friend, whom we will call Linda - "do not quote me I beg you". Claro! This trip was going to be FACT, that was for sure. Except that in Cuba, perfección does not exist.
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Guest house with panther sofa and scolopendra
The guest houses listed in the Cuban registry, welcome tourists with very variable services. Delphotostock / stock.adobe.com
Arrival in Havana. Centro district. "Let's stay with the inhabitant," we said. Sold! I arrive at Anita and her husband's house. On site, a network of "casas particulares", the guest houses listed in the Cuban registry, welcome tourists with very variable services. Payable in pesos on site. Remember not to lose your credit card from day one (hello Linda). My Mexican accent plunges Anita into hilarity (I lived three years in the Mexican desert in Chihuahua, but that's another story). The ice is broken. I even forget my doubts about the decoration combining panther sofa, non-existence of the shower head (direct from the hose, why not), all in an effort to decorate a sobriety, let's say, contained. Apart from the scolopendra (whose bite causes skin necrosis all the same) who wanted to share my shower and the absence of outside view... RAS.
Be careful, if you change your mind at the last minute, you will not be able to book or pay AirBnB on site. The site is partially blocked by the U.S. government. And anyway, there is no Internet. I repeat: there is no Internet. Or rather, no reliable connection, not between 15pm and 18pm and especially not everywhere. Which, in our heads as Europeans, is equivalent to no Internet. To digital nomads: forget Cuba.
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Remain flexible on schedules
"Stay flexible", the mantra of every traveler who wants to enjoy Cuba. Lena Wurm / stock.adobe.com
Go zou ! Direction Viñales. The driver of "9am" picks us up at noon in a "modern" car of... 1947. Not surprisingly, it had to be pushed, in reverse, on a slope, to pass first, on a mountain road, without seat belts... "Stay flexible, Martine, stay flexible." But the game is worth the candle in this enchanting island that is home to a crazy diversity of waterfalls, beaches, forests or jungle.
On the east side, a few kilometers from the beautiful and musical Trinidad, and after a four-hour hike - "It's straight for an hour, you can't go wrong" - we discover the majestic waterfall of Salto de Javira in Topes de Collantes. And suddenly, forgotten the cave populated by bats, the calves that cry fire and the disappointments. It is to be done in a lifetime.
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Learn to dance salsa
In Cuba, where does salsa and seduction end and prostitution begin? Mr. Bolota / stock.adobe.com
But let's not forget the reason for our trip to Cuba: to learn to dance salsa. Head to Casa del Son, the most famous school in Havana. I warn my travel partner: you don't fall in love with any salsa teacher, it's as original as losing your virginity with a Club Med GO in all inclusive. "Yes, but Dyron - probably a Patrick Swayze-like nickname - is so cute," my little influencer Che tells me with sardina fritas eyes. «...». The lesson ends, we get on a yellow cocotaxi, the local tuk tuk, miss turning around at every turn and arrive at Club 1830, an open-air nightclub, better known in Havana as the "Mil Ocho" and HQ of the best salsa dancers in the capital.
See alsoWhere to go to Cuba? Our travel guide, from Havana to Cienfuegos
«
As soon as yé té vou, yé tout de souite sou that it was killed. ». Yoni, muscular-tanned-oiled approaches. Flattered I am by his hug very - very very very - close. This dancer is obviously known to everyone here. He puts all his energy into making me dance. "Stay focus, Martine, stay focus," I said to myself as I felt her vigorous desire against my thigh... of not stopping at a salsa. I dodge as best I can by slaloming between two mojitos. Had Yoni fallen in love? Was I irresistible?
«
No Mylène. They tell you that, then buy you a drink, then accompany you and end up asking you for the money. My landlady Anita calms my enthusiasm. It must be said that the island was the lupanar of the United States after the war and remains a discreet but known destination for female sex tourism. Anita continues: "Cubans are great. But with them, you enjoy the moment ('Aprovechar el momento'). They're probably married and sometimes their wives turn a blind eye because that's the only way to bring some money home." Where does salsa and seduction end and prostitution begin?
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Take your pharmacy with you... and toilet paper
If you decide to step out of your comfort zone then Cuba can offer you a nice lesson in letting go. Ingo Bartussek / stock.adobe.com
Havana's frenzied salsas may not be enough to make you forget about the shortage of toilet paper or the lack of medicine. Besides, ladies, plan for all situations, we have said all of them. What could happen to you in a country without toilet paper, after a horseback ride, 2 hours, lost in the middle of the Mogotes of the west of the island? Answer: gynecological concerns.
However, if you decide to get out of your comfort zone, accept that the seat belt in the car is ultimately not so important, and provide a good medicine box, then Cuba can also offer you a nice lesson in letting go, because in salsa as on the island, perfection does not exist. And as the señor Pablo would say, the graying temple, but the hip of hell: "Miss, to dance salsa well, you just have to have fun". On the island as in life, it is sometimes a step ahead, a step behind, but despite the obstacles, never lose the rhythm. And if not, go back to Cuba.
