Question: I am 39 years old and live with my partner. We work all day and everyone is in their own world. Our families live inland and we see them little. Sex life almost does not exist. I feel lonely even though we are together. What do you advise? (L.C., of Canning)
It is understood as a primary need to all that is essential to live and that can not be replaced by any other available resource. Food, water, oxygen and shelter are essential for the human being, since without them or with an insufficient amount he could not survive.
In the same way, another fundamental primary need – and from birth – to survive is the help of others, help that we call affection, and that will determine, inexorably, the future development of the individual.
Virginia Satir, a reference in family therapy, stated that "affective contact is to personal relationships as breathing to the maintenance of life."
Medicine has shown that affects are key to modeling the brain. / Photo: Shutterstock.
At present, in addition, medicine has shown that the affections are fundamental to model the brain. What does this mean? That the design of the human brain is the result of the quality of personal bonds, since they remodel their brain circuits, the different neural networks and their performance.
Just as neurons, the more united and interconnected they are, the better brain functioning they will generate, human beings need to be linked with others since their emotional well-being will depend on the set of relationships they have.
When a person feels alone and without the emotional bonds he needs, he will be distressed, angry or depressed, and will create a vicious circle since that same anxiety or depression will not allow him to seek the links he wants or requires.
Norberto Abdala, psychiatrist
Caresses, according to medicine and psychology
Medicine and psychology have exhaustively demonstrated that isolation, loneliness and lack of affection are associated with a higher incidence of depression, physical pain, cardiovascular problems, memory impairment, alcohol or drug use, fears, sexual promiscuity and worse evolution in diseases.
Conversely, tenderness, caresses and affection are important factors that reduce stress, pain and anxiety.
For many people it is painful to be or feel alone. / Photo: Shutterstock.
For many people it is painful to be or feel alone, despite living in a world technologically oversized in resources to connect. But relationships with others must be sought and concretized, since the human being is programmed to be social.
When a person feels alone and without the emotional bonds he needs, he will be distressed, angry or depressed, and will create a vicious circle since that same anxiety or depression will not allow him to seek the links he wants or requires.
Giving or receiving affection implies the existence of an emotional bond with another person and the senses are the channels through which that connection is established.
Human beings need to be linked with others since their emotional well-being will depend on the set of relationships they have.
Norberto Abdala, psychiatrist
We all have these tools, but you have to be able, willing and know how to use them. Many of the family, marital or interpersonal problems are due to the emotional disconnection between its members.
Some people avoid bonding with others because they fear feeling dependent, vulnerable, hurt, or rejected by showing their needs for affection.
Others translate it through a demanding and overwhelming demand that can generate rejection. They are often people who have had distant or sparse early ties that left a void that is difficult to fill.
No one is immune or indifferent to the personal bonds that constitute a basic aspect of life, whether positive or negative relationships, and that always have an impact on health, time and quality of life.
E.M.
See also
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