Yes, it's convenient for us sometimes to treat men like they're stupid sex machines and think you're naked enough for them to experience the orgasm of their lives, but guess what? This is simply not true. It's not just us who have complaints – they also have some things that bother them. I talked to some straight male friends, and asked them to voice their complaints to me. And they had several. Oh-oh.
Things we do in bed, things we don't do in bed, and things they wish we did differently. And I'm not even talking about the obvious things like faking orgasms, punishing by withholding sex, or performance comparisons with my ex, simply because it seems obvious to me. Get it:
What's Glow's tonic? Look at what the makeup fairy has brought us 5 relationships that we all envy, and another couple that is already what is not
"We are both bisexual, and it allows us
to experience all our preferences"
Don't know how to suck? Fine, let go. (Photo: ShutterStock, shutterstock)
Insecure
Men care much less about cellulite and stretch marks, and the fact that you think your nipples are weird. What does bother them is that you want to fuck in complete darkness because you're so insecure. It's not cool that you insist on wearing a shirt or socks. Just as initiative in bed is sexy, insecurity is oppressive and annoying off. Speaking of insecurity, it often comes along with such laziness of misery, in which he is expected to do everything while you just lie there, embarrassed, not enjoying life and in the end still demanding compliments. I don't know who you are, but you suck.
Oral challenged
how the hell did you decide that sawing his cock with his front teeth was a reasonable idea, God knows, but hey - dumbs have sex too, what to do. By the way, also crush it, fold it, bring it small paws - how to say gently? Fewer. Any overly harsh touch, teeth, chronic anxiety, choking sounds, testicular tugs, or severe rubbing due to a lack of lubricant are not things a man considers desirable during sucking. You can't blame him for having a little trouble giving himself up and having fun when he's busy keeping himself from having a penisectomy, or on you, so you don't die from swallowing your own vomit. Don't know how to suck? Fine, you'd better let go. Want to learn? Ask. As long as you are a danger to the public, practice inanimate life.
Give him air. Air is important (Photo: ShutterStock)
Ninja Cowgirl
Listen sweetheart, and listen carefully. When you're sitting on it and you're the one controlling your movements up and down, be gentle. Don't jump on it aggressively. You scare him. Why? Because there's nothing more stressful for a man than for him to accidentally slip out of you with one of your over-enthusiastic leaps, and you won't notice, sit down on him hard, and break him. I understand you've seen Jenna Jameson do it in the movie, but first, editing and that, and secondly, she's a professional and knows what she's doing. You don't.
Over-spontaneity in the back,
what do you do??? Are you crazy? Before intercourse ask permission! You don't go to a person's anus and push things into it without prior preparation. Also literally, if possible. Ask, it's not hard: want to? Don't want to? Finger? Two? Courgette? (Not judging). The logic is very simple - you wouldn't want him to go in there without first finding out if it's okay, right? So just don't.
Trying to kill him It's amazing that this happens, but a lot of women, specifically in the cowgirl position, almost accidentally kill the man when they sit on him
. After all, they have to lean on something, right? Fine, but for some reason they choose to lean - not on his chest, shoulders, or the wall behind his head - no - they lean against his throat. Put two hands on the person's windpipe, and ride. I really want to explain why it's not cool, but I don't know how. Maybe if you don't understand on your own why blocking his only way to oxygen isn't a good idea, you can't be helped anyway.
Crying after sex
I understand that you're excited that you finally made it, or you're desperate because it didn't happen again, but a man who doesn't know you, and between us, even one who does, doesn't want a second after he's finished feeling seven. He's had sex, he's happy—he wants to drink a glass of water, smoke a cigarette, and go to bed. Or go home. He certainly doesn't want to hug you and whisper "enough, enough," asking you why you're crying to get into a deep conversation. Crying after sex with someone who isn't close to you is a disproportionate exaggeration, equivalent to crying in the middle of a workday because your boss annoyed you. In both cases it is very inappropriate, happens almost exclusively to women, and it is also pathetic. Either hold back, or cry in the bathroom.
Offended by nonsense
when he falls asleep, when he checks his phone, when he offers to do new things in bed. You're constantly offended. What are you offended? Why? Why do you think everything he does says something bad about you? Why do you think that if he wants to diversify it means that he doesn't like what happened until now? Why are you so busy and annoying? Why?
Just disgusting
If you're single and occasionally sleeps with someone new, please pay attention to your hygiene habits. I'd heard horror stories about men who almost vomited when they got down to someone who failed at the simple act of using a wet wipe after number 2, and I was shocked. In general, somehow in recent years men have become cleaner than women - they are well-groomed, perfumed and always washed, and when you go to bed with them you don't smell their feet. Yes, such a story I've heard too. So please, don't be nasty. Thank you. And general neglect is also unpleasant. If you're in a long-term relationship where there's love, it doesn't mean that you've stopped exercising, shaving, and haven't worn anything but granny panties and pajama pants at home for a year. Even in Corona it's not legit. Unless you were like that when you met, it means you take the relationship for granted, to the point where you're not willing to invest in your sexiness as a couple. It is both insulting, and detrimental to him. And rightly so. You'd feel the same way if he was growing a belly and walking next to you in rags. Unless you push him away because you just don't want to sleep with him anymore. And if so - great, good job!
- Sheee
- Sex and relationships
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