Imposter syndrome in motherhood: how to fight it

Motherhood has many edges that are filled as the years go by and mothers experiment. No motherhood is the same, and even in the same woman there are different ways of mothering with each child because each of them is unique. Euphoria, sadness, infinite love, believing that you can do anything, emotional lability, feelings of guilt, indecision about the attitudes and education of children and, of course, imposter syndrome. How does the latter affect mothers who suffer from it?

To begin with, it would be necessary to define what imposter syndrome is. Its origin goes back, as explained by Rebeca Gómez, psychologist and professor at the European Institute of Positive Psychology, to 1978, and was coined by Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes, both American psychologists who published an article about it, called The imposter phenomenon in high achieving women: dynamics and therapeutic intervention (The phenomenon of imposter syndrome in women of great achievement: dynamics and therapeutic intervention).

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Although it is not new, lately many celebrities and popular characters have been heard talking about it. The singer Nena Daconte repeated it several times in an interview on the program Traveling with Chester with Risto Mejide; and Dani Martín, composer and singer, detailed in the mental health podcast of Ángel Martín, called Las Voces Vuelven, that he also suffers. "Focusing on the term that gives name to this impostor syndrome helps to understand and know what it is and what it is exactly," says the psychologist of the Technical Team in Juvenile Court of the Ministry of Justice. "Whoever suffers it, feels and firmly believes that everything good achieved and the successes achieved (at work, family and / or academic level) is due to external variables such as chance, fate, luck or chance. And they will never be a consequence of their own worths, qualities, strengths, effort, work, attitude or professionalism."

One of the key symptoms is that the person is not objectively aware of his achievements and qualities. In addition, "they are very afraid of failure, an excessive level of self-criticism and the search for perfection and guilt appears; When something good and positive comes to them, they think they don't deserve it and, therefore, they don't enjoy it either."

Knowing exactly why you suffer is difficult to answer, since various variables come into play here, such as education or life experiences: "What we can point out are several factors that are directly related to its presence and that could cause this syndrome. As are having low self-esteem, self-concept and self-confidence. Insecurities and disabling fears appear and we usually focus on weaknesses and never focus and try to enhance strengths, "says Gómez.

Rebeca Gómez, psychologist and trainer at the European Institute of Positive Psychology.

Parenting and imposter syndrome

The psychologist considers that in the adult population it is very common to suffer from it. And he wonders, "Who hasn't ever felt that way?" Gómez affirms that, according to the data, seven out of 10 people suffer from it at some point in their lives, and that it is no coincidence to see it in students with excellent grades or people with great professional careers. "Another fact to take into account and that reflects a British report is that 86% of young people aged 18 to 34 admitted to having felt in the last year that they did not deserve their job."

The expert explains that motherhood is a very important moment in a woman's life: "I mean crucial, since, due to hormonal issues, the intensity of certain moments experienced, the changes it entails or the fatigue involved, the mother may feel more vulnerable than usual and the feeling that she is not able to do well for herself can be established by making this syndrome flourish. " If this happens, he continues, special attention will have to be paid to it, especially if it directly and negatively affects and disables their quality of life: "It is essential that parents are well so that children grow well."

How to fix it?

If the imposter syndrome arrives and is established at the same time as motherhood does, Gómez argues that it will have to be worked in the same way as it is done when it appears in another context or environment. And, according to the psychologist, several recommendations that can be applied to the key moment of parenting should be taken into account:

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