Mindfulsex is a practice that is born from the encounter between science and pleasure, applying mindfulness techniques to sex in order to increase people's health and happiness.
It is a paradigm shift, a bet that breaks with the conventional sex model to achieve a conscious sexuality, explained to Clarín Emma Ribas, doctor in psychology, clinical sexologist and author of Mindfulsex: the sex that will revolutionize your life (Current Platform).
There are two important points before detailing the techniques of mindfulsex: the specialist referred to the preparation of an adequate space, but also the preparation of oneself.
In reference to the physical place, he stressed that to have an intimate encounter in fullness with another person it is essential to prepare the space, take care that it becomes something special and where you have to take into account all the elements that can stimulate the five senses. This, he detailed, can include colored lights, music, incense, and soft or velvety fabrics.
Mindfulsex is a practice that applies mindfulness techniques to sex in order to increase people's health and happiness. Photo illustration Shutterstock.
Regarding personal previous work, he said: "In order to establish a deep connection with another human being, first of all we must adopt an appropriate attitude mentally and energetically speaking." For this, he recommended connecting with our interior and our essence.
Once this is done, it is time to delve into the techniques proposed by the sexologist (on Instagram, @emmaribas_psicologia).
1- Connect the eyes
Ribas said that "the eyes treasure a great power of attraction, since through them flows sexual energy, to such an extent that, if you stare into the eyes of another person, excitement can be awakened."
Ribas: "The eyes treasure a great power of attraction". Photo illustration Shutterstock.
In that framework he proposed to look the couple in the eyes delicately, naturally, letting the gaze of one penetrate the other.
While looking at each other carefully, breathe deeply, let go of tensions, relax and enjoy that moment without judging. "It is possible that the first few times unrelaxing emotions such as embarrassment or discomfort arise, even one of the two can burst into laughter or tears," he said.
However, he urged to continue and naturally express any feelings that arise without breaking the visual connection.
After 10 minutes of looking at each other, the couple can bring their bodies closer and start a long hug with their eyes closed. "The couple's eye contact intensifies their awareness of the present. And when it is already recurrent to look into each other's eyes, it is time to make love while maintaining eye contact, "said the psychologist. He added: "The continued practice of connecting through the gaze creates deep presence, trust, proximity, attunement and connection."
2- Coordinate breaths
Breathing has a remarkable influence on sexual energy, Emma Ribas said. Photo illustration Shutterstock.
"Breathing is a very powerful tool to anchor you in the present moment, disconnect you from your mind, stimulate your sensuality and awaken your body sensitivity, in addition to having a remarkable influence on your sexual energy," anticipated the expert.
By coordinating breathing with the partner, he said, a new dimension of rapport and intimacy is reached.
To coordinate one breath with another, the first thing is to observe with attention and curiosity the rhythm of others and try to match your own. For this there are two methods:
To coordinate one breath with another, the first thing is to observe with attention and curiosity the rhythm of others. Photo illustration Shutterstock.
- Simultaneous breathing: sit next to each other or in front of each other and place your hand at the height of the partner's abdomen, with your eyes closed (both should do the same to each other). Begin to inhale and exhale deeply and longly, through diaphragmatic breathing, regulating the rhythm of breaths, coordinating them, attending to how when taking air the abdomen of the other swells and how, when released, it deflates. As before, they may well become nervous or laugh, he said. The recommendation is the same: continue and concentrate.
- Reverse breathing: it is about breathing, slowly and deeply, in a complementary way, that is, when one inhales, the other exhales (and vice versa). "If you sit in front of your partner and with your legs you hug his pelvic area, the mental image is that of the air entering you through the genitals and leaving you through the heart, and vice versa in the case of your partner: entering him through the heart and leaving him through the genitals," explained the author.
3- Hugs, caresses and conscious kisses
Ribas mentioned that "body contact, and more specifically long and sustained hugs, activate brain chemistry, by releasing a series of hormones such as oxytocin, which generates a feeling of deep bond with the partner, and serotonin and dopamine, which reduce stress, provide a sense of peace and well-being and encourage a positive attitude towards life. "
Ribas: "Body contact, and more specifically long, sustained hugs, activate brain chemistry." Photo illustration Shutterstock.
In that context, he added that "hugging is one of the most powerful instruments we have to feel happy and linked to our partner." That's why he recommended hugging daily, at least a few minutes at a time, trying to breathe at the same pace.
If you are standing, add a small rock; If they are in bed, in the "spoon" position, the same.
With caresses, always pleasant to the touch, the sensuality inherent in the largest vital organ: the skin, is easily activated. "Conscious caresses have enormous erotic effects. Touching our partner with presence, tenderness and delicacy, awakens their senses and yours, eroticizing the contact areas of their skins, "said the specialist.
To do this, he advised doing it with your eyes closed and suggested four ways to caress with full awareness:
- Slide a single finger (it can be the one that each one prefers) on the body of the other, for five minutes. Then swap roles.
- Slide all the fingertips of both hands over the body of the other, for five minutes. Then exchange the roles.
- Caress each other's body by pressing lightly with both hands, for five minutes. Then swap roles.
"Kisses produce an intense energy exchange, because they involve almost all senses at once," explained the sexologist. Photo illustration Shutterstock.
- Caress each other's body with all fingertips, for five minutes. Then exchange the roles.
Finally, Ribas explained that "kisses produce an intense energy exchange, because they involve almost all senses at the same time – not only touch, but also taste, smell and hearing – in addition to imposing a direct intimacy with another person, by getting very close to their gaze and their face. "
Conscious kissing, he said, is prolonged and deep, exploring each other's lips and tongues. Preferably, he concluded, leave your eyes open (so that the only sense removed from the equation also participates).
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