The Satisfyer and men: "Those who fear being replaced by him should take note"

Female desire came out of the closet in 2019 when a clitoral sucker named Satisfyer became a social phenomenon and the star product of that Christmas. Not only did it contribute to breaking taboos about female masturbation, but also to reducing the so-called orgasmic gap, responsible for men having many more orgasms than women. Sexologist Megwyn White, director of education at Satisfyer, said: "Sex toys help make shared intimacy a very pleasurable experience for everyone involved. They become gaming tools that release desires, push boundaries and ignite a shared adventure of passion and exploration."

However, in sexology consultations around the world a consequence began to be felt: the testimonies of women who, accustomed to the effectiveness and speed of the product, could not reach orgasm without it. "I admit that I took it with desire, but after a while, I had to stop using it, because I was unable to reach orgasm without it and especially as a couple," Sara M., a 42-year-old publicist, told ICN. Cristina Callao, psychologist and sexologist, warns that the existence of some drawbacks in these products should not be overlooked. "We have turned masturbation into a fast and infallible way with a single task: the achievement of immediate orgasm. The brain establishes synaptic connections, it learns. For example, a concrete path to get to a place. If I use the sucker repeatedly, without diversifying, always in the same way and in the same power, it is very likely that when I try to masturbate with my hand, or share interaction with another person, I will feel frustration and dissatisfaction at not being able to reach orgasm. "

However, Megwyn White says that the belief that the use of a Satisfyer toy or any other erotic toy can cause the inability to reach orgasm without it is a myth. "It is true that its use can increase the intensity of orgasms during solo play, but it is essential to recognize that orgasms originate within us and are part of a personal and subjective experience that arises from our own physical and emotional responses to pleasure," he explains.

Clitoral suckers are already part of the television grid. In the new season of the series Valeria (Netflix), one of its protagonists makes such use of it that invites you to check in the end credits if the device appears as a secondary character. And 25 years ago it was Sex and the City that made the Rabbit vibrator a pop culture sensation and a product placement case study that gave wings to a new wave of sex toy consumption in 1998.

What do men paint in all this?

Satisfyer Men One appeared as the male answer for those who were envious that women enjoyed such intense orgasms and had the figure of Rocco Sigfredi as an advertising incentive. "The actor who has enjoyed his best orgasm" was the motto of this sex toy that did not get, by far, the success of its female analogue. But what many regretted was not really not having their own sex toy, but that women no longer needed them in bed...

Megwyn White, director of education at Satisfyer, points out that part of the bullying many men feel around sex toys is due to a misconception that they are tools designed solely to solve problems, that is, that sex toys are used because there are difficulties in the couple's sex life or in their relationships. This perception can create a fear: that the use of a sex toy implies a problem that needs solving. "Men deserve to know that their value in the realm of intimacy goes far beyond performance and shedding that pressure can lead to liberation. By embracing play and incorporating sex toys as part of it, men can discover an erotic world that transcends traditional expectations. That said, deep-seated social programming around masculinity and intimacy requires constant reminders and opportunities for men to embrace a new narrative."

Laura Cámara, author of Desearte. Keys to female sexual desire, he believes that the rejection that some feel towards the sucker is due to the fact that male sexuality is located at the center of sex in heterosexual couples. "When we introduce the suctioner, it may seem to them that the toy replaces them, the one that fulfills a mission that they previously fulfilled, so fears and complexes appear. That is why it is so important to deconstruct this idea of male sexuality and heterosexual sex, because everyone is responsible for their pleasure, and it can be enjoyed as a couple using toys," he explains. "Male sexuality is fragile in this sense and if she feels that something is competing with her, she gets scared. Female sexuality is more autonomous and has long since broken the myth that it is the man who has to lead her to pleasure and guide her to orgasm."

A survey of 500 Britons revealed that 60% of men suffer from anxiety about their performance in bed, highlighting the widespread impact of these social pressures. Men who interpret their partners' use of sex toys as a sign that they are inadequate or unable to meet their needs and desires are met with feelings of insecurity and a sense of loss of tune with their partner's pleasure.

Benjo Podlech Sandoval, psychologist and expert in male energy, clarifies that if in heterosexual relationships the relationship with the pleasure of the man is phallocentric, sexuality and pleasure are being reduced. "If some men feel rejection or fear of Satisfyer, you have to welcome those emotions, accept them and give them their place. The first thing is to try to accept her fears and feelings to try to change them, in this case that thought of 'If she enjoys the Satisfyer, she doesn't need me'. Then, we would have to understand that tastes are infinite and change over time, so talking about a sex toy could be as simple as talking about breakfast. After that openness and communication, I could experiment with the Satisfyer again and see if the perception changes. He might even be glad that his partner experiences different pleasures with him and the creativity that toys can give for them and for them if they use them together."

The industry thinks the same as Sandoval: clitoral suctioners can be used in pairs and in fact, there are models created specifically for it. The problem? Much more difficult than its use is the previous conversation and necessary to introduce it into relationships. The need to talk. "It's important to communicate that the introduction of a sex toy is not a substitute for your partner's role, but is an opportunity to explore new experiences together," says White. "An effective method is to frame the request between two positive affirmations: 'I love making love and value the connection we share and am curious to incorporate a vibrator into our intimate moments.' By expressing your admiration for the current state of your intimate life and emphasizing your desire to improve it, you highlight the strength of your bond while introducing the idea of incorporating a sex toy."

"I think the more options there are to enjoy as a couple, the better!" says Xavi T., 42, head of product at an animal insurer. "With how clumsy we men sometimes are, you better have something help make it all end well.... In the end, the sex toy complements the experience, both alone and together." It is, perhaps, the happy and conciliatory ending that the subject deserves. It is signed by the words of the psychologist and sexologist Cristina Callao. "Sex toys, specifically the suctioner, have highlighted that women do not need to insert anything into their vagina to experience pleasure, something that apparently some men have not sat well. I think those who are afraid of being replaced by a toy should take note and learn that there is an area on women's bodies called the clitoris that has been invisible for years. Instead of feeling afraid, just keep it in mind in your next sexual encounters."

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