By Rachel Paula Abrahamson - TODAY
Tyler Sutton, a police officer in Massachusetts, was optimistic — though cautious — when his wife, Ariana, became pregnant with twins. In 2018, after giving birth to her first daughter, Melody, she suffered from postpartum depression (PPD) and had to be hospitalized twice due to the severity of the symptoms she experienced.
"I was very nervous," Sutton told TODAY. "But being a mother was what Ariana loved most in the world. And I thought if I kept an eye on, everything was going to be okay this second time."
They had a plan, Sutton said: Ariana went to a psychologist weekly and her gynecologist knew the history of PPD she went through with her first daughter.
Ariana Sutton and her 4-year-old daughter Melody. Courtesy Jason Sutton
Twins Everly and Rowan were born on May 22, several weeks ahead of schedule. Nine days later, Ariana, who was 36, committed suicide.
"We were so excited to have twins. I can't even describe how happy she was," Tyler said. "There were no signs that anything was wrong. He was always joking about his swollen ankles and that he couldn't wait to have a cup of coffee."
A voice in his head screaming
"I never imagined this could happen. It happened so fast and so suddenly," he lamented. According to the man, Ariana was devastated when the newborns had to be taken to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU).
"She started talking about wanting them back in her womb. And I'd say, 'Honey, they're going to be fine. They arrived early, but they are healthy and have an excellent team of people taking care of them at all times,'" he recalled, "but I couldn't convince her. No one could."
Sutton said he recalled a conversation he once had with his wife in which he described PPD as the feeling that "a little person had lodged" in his head.
Ariana Sutton with her family after welcoming twins on May 22. Courtesy Jason Sutton
"That little person threw away all the positive things people said to him. And I'd yell at her, 'You're a bad mother! It's your fault! It's all your fault!'" he said. "It was like she couldn't hear anything other than that voice."
The morning Ariana died, milk was pumped for Everly and Rowan. Sutto said he was relieved that Ariana had gotten out of bed.
"The hardest time for her was in the morning, when she immersed herself in her thoughts. As the day progressed, it got better. But then night came and I was afraid to go back to sleep because I didn't want to have to go through the same thing the next morning," he said.
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Tyler revealed that Ariana left a farewell note.
"In her letter, it was clear that she was depressed. He said he felt like a burden. It was anything but a burden," her husband said. "She just needed help. I wish she had waited for me to get home so I could help her," he said.
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Recognize the symptoms
When Ariana experienced PPD after the birth of her first daughter, it took several weeks for symptoms to manifest. Sutton recalled becoming "almost obsessive" about cleaning. He also became obsessed with the water the family consumed.
"I was worried that there were bad things in the tap water, and I would call the city's Water Department to discuss the issue with them. Even when they assured him that everything was fine, he couldn't stop thinking about it," she said.
Realizing Ariana needed help, Sutton took time off work so she could focus on her mental health.
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"I thought, 'This will give you a chance to relax and take care of yourself,' but it ended up having the opposite effect and made things worse. She would say, 'My husband is doing my job and I'm a bad mother,'" she explained. "He would lie in bed crying."
After being hospitalized twice for PPD, Ariana was slowly the same again. "It took months to find the right medicine and dosage," Sutton said.
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Ariana stopped taking antidepressants when she became pregnant with the twins. Her husband says she was worried the drugs would harm the babies.
Studies show that the most common antidepressants are safe during pregnancy, and experts stress the importance of talking to a doctor about what's best for each pregnant woman.
There is generally no need to stop antidepressants, including Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs) during pregnancy, according to Dr. Angela Bianco, a maternal-fetal medicine specialist at Mount Sinai Health System.
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"All the data we have to advise patients is very reassuring," Bianco told TODAY. "We have a significant amount of retrospective data that appears to be associated with excellent pregnancy outcomes," she added.
Nicole Warren, an associate professor at the Johns Hopkins School of Nursing, warned that if a person stops taking an SSRI they may begin to experience aggravated symptoms of depression.
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The fact that Ariana's symptoms appeared so quickly after giving birth to her twins could indicate postpartum psychosis, experts say, a condition that affects one or two in 1,000 first-time mothers.
"It's a disease that's most commonly associated with suicide and infanticide," Rebecca Brent, a clinical psychologist in the Women's Behavioral Health Program at Allegheny Health Networks, told TODAY.com.
Postpartum psychosis usually appears in the first two weeks after delivery. It's associated with "strange thoughts, cognitive disorganization, racing thoughts, and a decreased need for sleep," according to Brent.
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Other symptoms may include seeing or hearing things that aren't real, having delusions, or false beliefs.
"A mother may think she's still pregnant, even though she's two weeks postpartum, and you can't convince her otherwise," Brent said.
According to this expert, postpartum psychosis is complicated because it can have ups and downs, making medical diagnosis difficult.
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"One moment she's hearing things and the next she's totally lucid," Brent said.
Sutton said she decided to share her story in hopes that the medical community will pay more attention to perinatal disorders related to mood and anxiety.
"When a pregnant woman comes in for her first appointment and talks to her obstetrician, she should educate herself about postpartum depression — the risks and symptoms," she said, "and they should continue to have these conversations throughout their pregnancy."
A GoFundMe fund was set up to help Sutton raise her three children. "Ariana was Melody's favorite person in the world," her widower told TODAY.com. "She was the perfect mother."
If you or someone you know is in crisis, call or text 988 to contact the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. You can also send the HOME message to the 741741 or visit SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources for more help.
