Libido, the engine of sexuality, is as fluctuating as our emotions. After all, it is as individual an experience as sexuality itself. But what does the loss of libido imply, what are its causes? And how is it possible to recover it?
When talking about libido we refer to "the sexual desire that pushes, that gives desire, that generates fantasies, that leads us to have sexual thoughts and sexual activity," explains the doctor and sexologist Javier Sapir (M.N. 77.826) to Clarín.
However, libido and sexuality as a whole can be fragile, highly vulnerable and emotionally dependent; indicates the specialist. In other words, it is changeable and can be affected by organic or psychological and/or environmental causes.
The term to describe prolonged loss of libido is called "hypoactive sexual desire disorder" or HSDD. Sapir explains that it is "the persistent lack of interest in performing all kinds of sexual activity and, in general, it is also accompanied by the fact that the affected person has very little frequency of sexual thoughts or fantasies, with a fundamental characteristic: he is worried about it".
Loss of libido can occur from organic or psychological causes. (Photo: illustration Shutterstock)
That feeling of discomfort is the main element that makes it a disorder and that differentiates it from the asexual community, which does not require any activity or sexual stimuli to feel well-being or bond affectively.
What are the causes of loss of libido
HSDD can have organic or psychological and emotional causes. In the first category, Sapir indicates that it is common for it to occur in people with endocrine disorders such as hypothyroidism or hypogonadism (due to low hormone production) or for that decrease to occur when taking treatments with certain antihypertensives such as beta-blockers.
In addition, it is common for cardiac operations or catheterizations to also cause a period of low libido, says the sexologist.
The same can happen when people have chronic diseases, in which sexual desire takes a back seat. "For our sexual desire to be active, the priority functions have to be working correctly," says the specialist.
There are other circumstances in which the environmental and the organic converge. Those who are going through the first trimester of pregnancy, breastfeeding, the puerperium, or who have undergone mastectomies, hysterectomies or prostatectomies. "In general, after interventions, there is an adaptation period because body image is altered and this can lead to decreased libido," says the doctor.
The other causes are due to psychological or emotional factors. "In people who do not have any hormonal or organic cause we have to think that it could – and this is not something decisive – but that there could be some incipient or undiagnosed depression so far," says the sexologist.
If this is ruled out, we find another common suspect that affects sexuality: stress. If the WHO defines stress as "a state of worry or mental tension generated by a difficult situation", when it reaches levels that affect well-being and health in general, they also affect sexual life.
4 recommendations to recover libido as a couple
Stress is one of the biggest causes that causes loss of libido in a couple. (Photo: illustration Shutterstock)
"Connecting with one's own pleasure" can be challenging when responsibilities overwhelm or we go through intense periods of stress. This happens because it hinders the appearance of an essential factor in the sexual response: relaxation.
1. Eroticism and desire do not arise spontaneously
"Eroticism and desire are not spontaneous, it is necessary to activate them permanently," Sapir clarifies. It is that if the sexual encounter becomes something mechanical or ends up becoming a ceremony or a mandate, the specialist indicates that "it is very likely that the sexual impulse is lost, the desire disappears".
In all couples it is natural that the state of boiling and constant desire that invaded both people decreases with the passage of time, the acquisition of new responsibilities and the drawing of a common project. The bond moves from adventure and novelty to safety and containment.
After the first stage of a bond, it is common for there to be a decrease in the frequency of sexual encounters. (Photo: illustration Shutterstock)
2. Remember that stimulation is much more than physical touch
A mistake that is made very often is that it is assumed that, by stimulating some genital organ, a person will become aroused. The opposite is what happens, because the mind is the most important sexual organ. Stimulation should be oriented towards it first.
The doctor and sexologist points out: "Couples who take for granted that desire is always there or that it will appear automatically sometimes enter a situation of lack of sexual desire or enter into a routine that is too strict."
In that sense, Sapir recommends prioritizing activities that erotically stimulate the couple: exploring accessories together in a sex shop, organizing romantic dates, traveling to new places and being able to "go to the erotic space of each one in their mind" is key.
3. Talk about what is the ideal frequency we would like to have, so, if we do not agree we can negotiate
When there is sexual dyschronaxia, the best tool is dialogue. Expressing ourselves at the right time, communicating assertively, without reproach or reacting with defensive postures will lead to a negotiation in this regard. What we should do is "avoid defending ourselves from the claim, instead of trying to understand it," Sapir says.
Sudden loss of libido: causes and recommendations to overcome it (Photo: illustration Shutterstock)
4. Get rid of the mandates and myths surrounding sexual "performance"
The prejudice that "man always feels like it" is highly damaging, Sapir says. In his opinion, it is a myth, a strongly rooted belief with a presumption of truth that imposes expectations that are detrimental to enjoyment.
"The man is expected to be like a willing soldier and when there is some degree of dysfunction (premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction, for example) to be frustrating for him, unconscious defense mechanisms also begin to appear that lower libido," says the specialist.
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