The New Zealand singer Lorde, 26, has revealed in an open letter to her followers through her Tumblr page that for years she has suffered from a mysterious disease that now lives with special anguish. "My body is really inflamed, it's trying to tell me something and I'm trying to support it, but nothing seems to help and I get frustrated," confesses Ella Marija Lani Yelich-O'Connor, which is the artist's real name. "My gut isn't working properly, my skin is worse than ever, I've been sick half a dozen times. Earlier this year I realized that listening to my body is hard for me, it's something I never learned to do."
Lorde became a musical phenomenon in 2013, when she was just 17 years old, thanks to the success of Royals, an album that was critically acclaimed. However, his musical career has been low-key ever since. In 2017 he released his second album, Melodrama, and in 2021 he returned with the song Solar power, the first in four years. In the letter, published on Wednesday, September 20, the singer explains that the last few years have been difficult for her and that she is now beginning to be aware that she is not improving. "This year I've been trying to teach myself how to take care of my body, but it's actually been difficult. It has made me fully aware of all the times I ignored him or didn't give him what he needed, embarrassed him for a fight-or-flight response, took a handful of pills and moved on." In fact, as he comments in the publication, he has recently stopped taking "the little yellow pill" he took "every morning for thousands of mornings" since he was 15 years old: "I'll see how it goes."
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In addition, the artist seems to recognize in the writing that she is not going through a good sentimental moment either. Since 2016, Lorde has maintained a discreet relationship with music entrepreneur Justin Warren, 42. According to the New Zealand Herald, they met when she signed with Universal Music in 2009, when the singer was just 13, they began dating six years later. Now, it seems that the courtship has come to an end. "I'm living in anguish again. It's different, but the same. Everything hurts, all the time. I forget why, but then I remember," he laments, although he says he is trying not to hide from the pain. "Now I understand that pain is not something to hide from, that there is actually great beauty in moving with it. But sometimes I'm sick of being with myself. Like chocolate to try to manipulate endorphins, bring back the sweet happiness of Easter morning. I sit in the time machine and wait for it to move, but it hasn't been invented yet," he reflects at the beginning of the text.
Throughout the cryptic writing, he also details, in his own way, the reasons why he has declined to go to this year's Paris fashion week. "Everyone looks very thin. Just thinking that makes me feel tired and far away. I'm not sure if it's having an effect on anyone else. I keep spending money, wondering if what's in the package will make me feel good, but I guess I buy the wrong things. I was going to go to fashion week in Paris, I had all these big plans, but this week I called my manager and pulled out. At the beginning of my career I promised myself that I would never be one of the people who smile in the spotlight if it wasn't real."
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Even so, the winner of the Grammy Award for Best Pop Solo Performance and Song of the Year by Royals has reassured her fans by admitting that she is determined to reflect on 2023 with "affection" and "a little wonder" and that, despite everything, she faces it with emotion. "Earlier this year I saw that my body is completely magnificent and that hating it is as useless as hating a tree; that I truly love doing my job and that my life is like a beautiful tapestry, and every inch of it is precious and meaningful," she says. Songs, he writes, are his way of letting go of something and opening doors: "Every time I put something into words as I see it, when I put it to the right music, a knot comes loose in me. But it also hurts to face the knots."
This summer, the singer has carried out a brief tour of European festivals, with appearances such as the All Together Now Festival in Ireland or the Øya Festival in Norway. In March, Lorde hinted that he might be working on new material, but later clarified that he "wasn't saying it, not for a while." At the moment, it is unknown that he will publish any new musical work. The only thing she advances in the writing is that she has been living in London since May – "alone with my thoughts" – and that she will soon return to New York: "And then home."