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Is life a factory for unrequited loves? So wait a minute with the sex - voila! Sheee

2023-12-10T12:28:33.440Z

Highlights: Couples therapists suggest taking it slow on dating apps. Don't switch to WhatsApp before you meet and make one call on the app. Chemistry is unpredictable, and the conversations create a powerful build-up that is irresistible. If there is one, you will meet, and only then will you decide whether or not there is a finding of grace. If you're really looking for something real and good, you need to be focused enough on who's in front of you right now, and mixing it out of focus.


Finding love isn't an easy task – but maybe destructive patterns and the list you come on a date with sabotage your cause? Couples therapists suggest taking it slow


Who and What Monogamy/AP, Reuters, Getty Images, Shutterstock

Dating apps are horrible, but that's what it is, and there are people who are looking for something real, and even those who just want to conquer and get excited, may find themselves tied up at some point contrary to the decision they made in advance. In fact this is what usually happens, for the simple reason that we do not really know what we want, and that is because we do not really know ourselves as well as we think.

True, some people find it easier. Swipe left and right like it's Candy Crush and hop from date to date, while others get nervous, repeat the same actions over and over and over again, and don't understand why nothing works. They may not be lucky, but it is more likely that there is no such thing as "luck," and that their automatic patterns create a cycle of self-feeding fears and self-destruction.

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on the one
hand, Bassa - on the other, great fun - because things can only get better. Without going into detail, there are some dating behaviors that foster singles' fear patterns, and without even fully understanding why – you should avoid them

Height does not matter/ShutterStock

Don't stick to the list The first thing that can sabotage potential relationships is the fact that people have a tendency to stick to the "list
" – formats such as age, education or appearance, which become the starting point for any relationship and can certainly sabotage a potential relationship. There are important parameters, but there are those that need to be flexible. For men, one of these parameters is usually appearance, and women tend to get stuck on height, profession and other supposedly "masculine" characteristics.

Finding grace has to be, of course – but keep in mind that finding real grace can only happen after a physical meeting – there will always be a big gap between the image and the feeling in reality, and this is the biggest tragedy of apps. The recommendation is to try to ignore the pictures as much as possible and focus on chemistry. If there is one, you will meet, and only then will you decide whether or not there is a finding of grace. We must also give those who do not meet the "list" a chance.

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Not for the recipient
True, the possibilities are many and the eyes are big, but this is an illusion and it is worth understanding that you do not give up anything when you decide not to receive it. Not because it's wrong for the recipient – it's fine, except for the fact that it's a shot in your own leg. If you're really looking for something real and good, you need to be focused enough on who's in front of you right now, and mixing it out of focus. Who hasn't heard of countless instances of not remembering names, answering the wrong messages, and even physically confusing dates? Again, it's not about right moral values or not, it's about suggesting efficiency – meeting a new person needs to be focused to be effective, and the cowardly distractions in the form of parallel dates sabotage results.

Don't switch to WhatsApp
when the conversation flows and switch to WhatsApp It looks good at first, because you make each other laugh, there is an illusion of greater closeness than what really exists between you, you wait for a message from each other, send emojis and gifs and your brain for weeks until we meet. The longer you do it, the heavier the load will be on the encounter. The heavier the load, the more distorted your judgment of each other and the nature and quality of the encounter. It's okay to correspond, but don't start talking on WhatsApp before you meet and see that it's good. You will only correspond on the app, make one call on the phone - yes yes, an actual conversation, to hear a voice and speech style, but you will meet immediately after the call. Chemistry is unpredictable, and the conversations create a powerful build-up that is irresistible.

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Don't jump into bed
Take time to get to know each other before you have sex, unless it's the exception of feeling "at home" straight away. If you are completely at ease with each other, and the attraction is clear, there is no need to wait, but in most cases it is worth waiting with sex - not because it is too early for sex, but because sex is a kind of shortcut to great intimacy that you do not really have yet, and then the gap between the extremes will fall on your head after two weeks.

Not trying to please everyone wants to please
everyone, it's only human, but when it comes to romantic love, precisely because we are more wounded in the heart areas - the need to find grace grows even more. That's fine, but you have to make sure you don't cross the border, and the desire to find grace becomes appeasement at all costs, in order to carry out the occupation and not be rejected. Don't let fear of rejection take over your mind – no terrible disaster will happen if it doesn't work. In truth - it probably won't work, because statistics say that by the time you find the one worth investing in, dozens go by that won't. Relax, and find a way to treat failure as a step along the way—not as the end result. The chances of finding love will remain about the same, but the road will be more pleasant, and the patterns will bother you less.

  • More on the subject:
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Source: walla

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