The word libido comes from the Latin
libīdo
, and means desire or lust.
In psychology and medicine, the term is used to describe a person's sexual desire, a longing that leads men and women alike to seek a full and satisfying sexual relationship.
Although the question formulated this way seems simple, the truth is that countless myths have been created around libido throughout history.
Among them, one of the most common is the one that says that men always have sexual desire and women do not.
More and more researchers point out, however, that female sexual desire is experiencing a pleasant revolution in recent years that attempts to end the stigma and guilt that women have traditionally felt for feeling it.
More information
Living as a couple with hardly any sex: “If we have to cross something off the list, we usually subtract hours from the pleasure”
Ana Lombardía, author of the book
Talking with Them.
The sexuality of straight men
(Oberon, 2022) explains that the panorama is changing a lot in countries like Spain.
“We are experiencing an authentic revolution in female sexual pleasure where it is women who are asking for sexual relations that are also pleasurable for them.
“Women no longer just want to be penetrated.”
The sexologist and general health psychologist at Centro TAP Ana Antelo Pousa affirms that words such as guilt or shame are used a lot in her consultations by women who come worried about having a very high libido.
“In our society, female desire could not be demonstrated, women were the ones who had to be courted and there was a very high pejorative burden on women who expressed that desire.
There we have, for example, the figure of the
femme fatale.”
From tradition came stigma, and stigma brought with it guilt.
Although this has not always been the case.
Sexuality has evolved along with the human mentality.
This is how Coral Herrera Gómez explains it in the book
The Sociocultural Construction of Desire and Eroticism
:
“Desire and eroticism are human impulses that determine our way of relating to others and to the objects that surround us.
They have always been exalted as part of the mysteries of life in poetry and literature, especially during the 19th century, in which romantics expressed their desires and the frustration caused by not being able to achieve the object of their passions.
That is why desire, then, is “a political, social, and economic construction that varies according to countries and historical periods.
This human quality is innate, but it is learned: eroticism is determined by our emotional and relational structures;
We inherit these structures mainly through culture,” says Herrera.
Until now, the researchers explain, sexual relations have always been focused on man's pleasure.
“He had sex when he wanted, and the women complied,” recalls Lombardía.
Now, the expert explains that both parties are required to feel sexual desire for the encounter to occur, which has led to a decrease in the amount of sex we have: it is no longer enough that only he wants it.
“It is impossible to measure sexual desire exactly, but we can get an idea, and conclude based on various studies, that couples are giving less and less importance to desire and sex,” explains sexologist Ana García.
Female desire could not be demonstrated, women were the ones who had to be courted and there was a very high pejorative burden on those who expressed this desire.
A pan-European study carried out by Yougov for Gleeden,
Infidelity and evolution of relationships in Spain and Europe
in 2022
states that only 25% of Spaniards are truly satisfied with their sexual life.
García assures that "if 75% of the people in this study do not find solutions to improve their sexual life, the desire will disappear."
There are studies that show that people actually have less sex now than 50 years ago.
Specifically, the
National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles
said in 1990 that couples between the ages of 16 and 64 made love five times a month, a number that decreased to four times in 2000 and to three in 2010. In total , in 20 years the frequency has decreased by 40%.
The myths that have placed women as a passive entity that could only wait to be hunted by a man have also ended up weighing on them.
So much so that, the psychologists consulted explain, the thought that they always want or should want is something that is undermining the epicenter of their masculinity: it worries them.
Therefore, this supposed lack of manly drive is already the second reason why younger men go to specialists, only after premature ejaculation, according to the sources consulted.
The expert in sexuality and psychology Alberto Álamo responds that it is still a cliché that they always feel like it and they always have a headache.
A myth, by the way, that does not agree with the increase in cases of men who come to their consultation due to low desire.
“The main problem is not the lack of desire, but the adaptation that occurs in men when a couple is already consolidated.
Once that first phase of falling in love has passed, it may be the first moment in which conflict arrives.
Men are very visual and are more excited by novelty,” explains Álamo.
In his consultation, Álamo sees in his daily life how the pressure on men to always have a high libido has led many to present problems with erectile dysfunction: “When we get them to relax and take off the pressure that society has been placed on them, the penis usually becomes erect again.”
Lombardia explains that “sexual relations based on penetration do not excite the majority of women, who in many cases have stopped having that type of sex because they have discovered that they can have a good time alone.”
In this regard, sexologist Antelo recalls that “sex toys have decentralized the erotic desire of the penis.
Now, women can be at the center of pleasure.
Now, we dare to talk about sexuality and enjoyment without shame.”
Sexual desire depends on how relaxed we are
Sexual desire is characterized by two things: “The first thing is subjective, hence what may be a high sexual desire for one may fall short for another.
On the other hand, it is influenced by various factors: biological, psychological, social and environmental,” explains García.
The fact that women have little desire has never been taken seriously enough, which is why there is almost no scientific research on the matter.
However, some factors that can influence loss of desire are hormones.
Birth control pills, for example, have the side effect of lowering libido.
Lombardía affirms that "it is a paradox that women take hormones to be able to have sex, but that those same pills are the ones that take away their desire."
Other factors that can alter sexual desire may be stress, not getting enough rest, or feeling anxious.
Female pleasure expert Andrea Aguilar remembers that “the body always asks for more of what it likes.
If a sexual relationship is pleasurable, we will always want to repeat it.”