The term narcissist comes from Greek mythology, where Narcissus, a young man who fell deeply in love with himself when he saw his image reflected in the water, ended up drowning while contemplating his own beauty.
“It is a personality disorder characterized by excess self-esteem, lack of empathy and a constant search for admiration,” explains Rebeca Gómez, psychologist at the European Institute of Positive Psychology.
Detecting them is not, according to this expert, complicated: "They usually comply with the following patterns: egocentric behavior, an exaggerated belief in their importance and fantasies of success such as inventing titles that they do not have or achievements that they have never achieved."
It is also common for them to lack empathy, adds the psychologist, “and they take advantage and exploit others to achieve their goals.”
Narcissism can affect men and women, although some studies show that there are differences in the expression of narcissistic traits.
“For example, men can show more aggressiveness and search for power, while women can focus more on physical appearance and social manipulation,” says the psychologist, referring to the research
Empirical study of narcissistic personality disorder
,
by José Luis Trechera, Genoveva Millán Vásquez de la Torre and Emilio Fernández Morales.
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Joanaina Barceló is a social educator and expert in self-esteem, relationships and emotional dependency.
The
coach
also adds, to all the previously mentioned characteristics about the narcissistic personality, others: "The excessive need to be admired, they are very good at exploiting interpersonal relationships and excellent manipulators."
She also adds: “They are envious and believe that others envy them for their great virtues, which makes them always display arrogant attitudes and behaviors.”
The moment a person discovers that the other is a narcissist and lets him know, “he will speak ill of you, he will show all your defects to humiliate you, criticize you and threaten you, since he feels contempt for those he considers inferior to him and, from Then, he is incapable of assuming a single responsibility for any problem or of blaming himself for something and asking for forgiveness,” says Barceló.
Of course, adds the social educator, “a person with narcissistic personality disorder will never recognize that he is narcissistic, therefore, it is another sign to take into account when faced with someone who presents narcissistic characteristics.”
Deep down, he continues, all these characteristics come “from a lack of self-esteem and internal problems with which they fight daily, with many conflicts of confidence in them, although they appear to be quite the opposite.
Therefore, what will make you recognize him will be his attitude and behavior, his words and his lack of empathy or emotional recognition.”
Confronting a narcissist
Barceló maintains that it is complicated to have a relationship with a narcissist: “They will always try to intimidate you, so the important thing is not to fear them, or fall into their spells, because they are like snake charmers.
Fighting narcissism, especially in close relationships, requires many attitudes, but among them is establishing clear limits, maintaining assertive communication, not feeding your need for admiration or attention and, above all, not responding to calls, messages or attempts at communication. , avoid personal encounters, seek support from friends, family or professionals and, in cases of harassment, consider legal measures.”
On a sentimental level, “if we talk about a narcissistic ex-partner, what we call
hoovering
can happen , that is, after a breakup and when you least expect it, you receive a message or a call from your ex saying no. "He can live without you, or he needs you, and he will act as if nothing had happened," concludes the social educator.
The narcissist in the work environment
At work, the narcissist does not vary much.
“In the workplace, they can exhibit very evident distinctive traits such as dominant behaviors, an obsession with provoking admiration from others, a lack of empathy and a tendency to exploit other people in their environment to achieve their goals,” details Ana Hernández, management expert. of stress in the workplace.
Furthermore, she continues, “the constant need for attention, exaggeration of achievements and a lack of recognition towards others are telltale signs that point directly to profiles with this bias.
It is common for them to tend to show a lack of responsibility for mistakes and an obvious tendency to manipulate situations for their own benefit.
Observing repetitive patterns of contempt towards colleagues or people under your charge is another unmistakable sign that we have a textbook narcissistic person before us.”
Constant need for attention, exaggeration of achievements, and a lack of appreciation for others are telltale signs that you may have encountered a narcissist at work.Paul Bradbury (Getty Images)
If that narcissistic person is your superior at work, “it is essential to adopt a focused strategy with great internal balance,” explains Hernández.
“The ideal situation is to maintain clear and direct communication, based on facts and not on opinions or interpretable arguments, because you will take advantage of them to find sufficient reasons and generate unnecessary confrontations,” he advises.
“Observing these people without preconceived judgments helps a lot when it comes to putting filters on that person and another advantage when it comes to safeguarding yourself from their degree of influence is knowing in advance that they need recognition and admiration for their achievements.
Focusing on tangible and demonstrable results will be a way to safeguard those limits.
The ideal is to look for a support network with colleagues and colleagues to create a healthy work environment,” recommends Hernández.
“Caution, without losing authenticity and fidelity to one's values, and managing expectations are key when interacting with people with these characteristics,” he summarizes.
First of all, remembers this stress expert, “the first proposal is to maintain balance, not allow our amygdala to activate, because otherwise we will be victims of an amygdala kidnapping, where the only response is one of these three: flee, fight or stay still.
That is, none of the three options suits us.”