Danny Friedlander on relationships in war/Walla + system
A new survey of reservists' wives, obtained by Walla!, reveals that the return to a family and marital routine after returning from the extended reserve service is not easy at all, and brings with it new and complex difficulties for the family unit.
Women tell of increased fights and arguments compared to the period before the war, and the need to "walk on eggs" when the partner comes home.
Danny Friedlander, a clinical psychologist known to you from the favorite show "Wedding at First Sight" came to the studio to give us a small lesson in the psychology of attachment, and suggests, among other things, to start with physical contact and sex, because the body precedes the mind.
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"Mental health is based on the moment of repetition when all fears and longings are supposed to relax Good things are expected from this moment. In reality: the woman is anxious at home, has children, and also has problems with her livelihood - lots of worries and fears. What he doesn't know is difficult for her - waiting for him to return, but also waiting for the division of the burden. There is an expectation of help. The man comes from hell, from war, from homesickness, and returns straight to all the problems that await him - returns with a boom to an uneasy situation at home. There is an expectation of the romantic moment of the renewed union, but in reality there are many problems with it. And this is in the normative case - and there are also cases when the man returns, and his mental state is not good because he has accumulated a lot Difficulty and distress that open up at the moment of returning home from the reserves.
More divorces or more stay together?
War makes one reevaluate life: those who were in a crisis will fall apart, those who had small problems actually make them fight for life. The war restarts things.
And if we're already here - congratulations to Mai and Moshe on the birth of their first child, welcome to the world of Peri!/screenshot, Walla Sheee
what can we do?
1. Give me a minute to get used to you again - understand that the union is a moment that takes time, for the wife, the children and the husband.
"Father came back from the war, it was hard, he is tired. First of all, give time to recover."
- Acknowledgment that the husband has returned from a difficult place and he needs recovery time.
Of course it also applies to women and if a woman has children, it's more complicated.
2. Acknowledging also the partner's difficulty - she kept all the things in the back of her mind and was anxious and it was very difficult for her, and she also needs to vent.
- War of existence.
Relationship - a period of worry, anxiety and reckoning on both sides.
3. The first days - days of negotiations in which each party says what it wants and needs from the other party and give verbal and public recognition to the effort of each of the parties. Redistribution of the burden.
4. Reunification - spend time together to rebuild the relationship.
5 .to reconnect with life - to say I stayed alive and experience the experiences of life.
6.30 a day is the period of time when if the symptoms are worrying and you need to get help.
7. I recommend going to a couple of meetings if there is difficulty - don't be afraid to ask for help.
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