A mother who dies, a father who decides to lock himself up with his pain and a daughter who tries to rescue her father from the cave of memories that haunt him.
In theatrical format,
Quieto
, by Florencia Naftulewicz, investigates these
bonds
, grief and the inevitable moment that will come sooner or later:
orphanhood
.
The work is not autobiographical, it does not refer to someone in his environment nor does it reflect a random story.
“One day the image of a father and a daughter came to me and the texts as they were made today,” said the author, differentiating fiction from reality.
However, he acknowledged: “I experience the father-mother-daughter bond like everyone else.
I am a daughter and now I am also a mother.
So, there is a universe that opens up, it is no coincidence that I have written this work at this moment.”
The piece also shows what happens in many families and is uncovered after an extreme situation, the origin of so many conflicts: “
An accumulation of unsaid words that will try to say the unspeakable
,” described the playwright.
What is behind all that that is kept silent inside? How is it possible that this happens even in the deepest ties?
Florencia Naftulewicz, author and protagonist of Quieto.
Photo: Irish Suarez
“With some things it is so hard to sit down, talk and be honest... I think the love is so great and the bond is so strong that sometimes it is difficult to communicate with them.
And you say: 'How can it be that I can't open up or explain myself to my own parents or my own brother?'" reflected Naftulewicz, who stars in the play alongside
Miguel Ángel Rodriguez at
Nün Teatro Bar.
Parents of our parents and orphanhood
On the other hand,
Quieto
highlights the change of roles that can occur when children go from being protected to protectors, the much feared “
parents of our parents
”, the certainty of finitude, the cruelty of knowing that goodbyes are approaching. more and more as the years go by.
Grief and its particularities, embodied through a husband and a daughter.
Miguel Ángel Rodriguez plays “a man who sank into memories and couldn't do or say much when his wife died,” the author explained.
Miguel Ángel Rodriguez plays a man who sank into memories.
Photo: Irish Suarez
Florencia Naftulewicz, meanwhile, puts herself in the shoes of that daughter who wants to rescue him.
“As children, sometimes we have that naivety of thinking that we can
control or help our parents in everything
, and the work shows that there are decisions, that this father decides to be like this, it is fine the way he is,” she mentioned.
It is not an easy topic to address, said the protagonist: “It was very difficult for me,
they are very cruel texts that talk about death, not being able to, about the past, about what she would have expected from that father
.
In the play I am a daughter, but sometimes I play the role of mother.
And my dad tells me, 'but you're my daughter, you're not my mother! What are you doing?'”
Facing the deterioration of a father or mother and assuming responsibility for their care opens a new stage of bonding within any family.
“The play talks about
something that cannot even be put into words
, about what is inevitably cruel: our parents are going to leave at some point.
That feeling that is unbearable at first and that we all know is going to happen to us, because no one will ever be exempt.
"Sometimes we forget and act
stupid
to continue living, because otherwise we wouldn't even be able to go out on the street, because it is so strong and so forceful that it paralyzes you," said the actress.
Families in mourning
The suffering caused by the death of a family member cannot be analyzed through a single indicator.
There are multiple factors that intervene in these events.
With the death of one's partner one can even lose part of one's identity.
Photo: Irish Suarez
According to what Aldana Di Costanzo, a psychologist specializing in grief, told this medium, “
the way in which the death of a loved one impacts people's lives depends on many variables
: the cause of death, the personality structure of the person grieving, the type of attachment, the social support network, previous grief and the type of connection with who died.”
When someone faces the death of their partner, said the founder and president of the Aiken Foundation (on Instagram, @fundacionaiken), it is necessary to take into account what that person meant in the life of the mourner.
“In some cases, not only was the partner lost but also with whom they shared future projects, the organization of the house and family life.
Sometimes,
even part of one's identity is lost
, something that will be reconfigured during the grieving process,” she explained.
Regarding "
adult children grieving
for a father or mother, they can be affected by that loss, beyond their age, since it is still the death of 'dad' or 'mom'," highlighted the psychologist.
During grief there will be moments of connection with the loss and moments of connection with the life that continues.
Photo: Irish Suarez
Although it is possible that with the internal resources and mechanisms acquired during life they have more tools to face the loss - Di Costanzo clarified - this does not nullify the pain nor the possibility that, for certain reasons, the emotional psychic path of grief has particularities that affect the functioning of your life.
On the other hand, grief
is a process that is not linear
and during its different stages, feelings such as sadness, anguish and anger appear.
“It is recommended to give rise to these emotions through words and expressions such as work, writing or art,” he said.
“Giving space to what we feel with people and in the indicated contexts is a healthy way to go through grief, understanding that there will be moments of connection with the loss and moments of connection with the life that continues.
It is necessary to know and
accept this movement that oscillates between these two moments to (slowly) integrate the loss into life
,” highlighted the psychologist.
How to accompany a grieving family
The taboo that exists around death means that sometimes, even with good intentions, wrong decisions are made when trying to help a person going through this moment.
The psychologist mentioned that as a society, it is difficult for us to accompany,
we do not know what to say or what to do, and that is why sometimes we choose silence
.
This attitude, however, not only does not help but exposes the impossibility of talking about death in general.
Miguel Angel Rodriguez plays a grieving husband whom his daughter tries to rescue.
Photo: Irish Suarez
“The silence that accompanies, respects and supports
is different
;
the presence that demonstrates the availability to talk or not about the topic, depending on what the grieving person needs, which is what is recommended to be a good support.”
According to Di Constanzo, “to accompany a grief it is important to be able to listen, perceive and - in some cases - ask the needs of the person who is grieving.”
In this framework, he clarified that each grief is unique and whoever experiences it has the right to live it in their own way.
For this reason, she added, the support network should
respect the needs of those who live this moment
, even if they do not coincide with their own ways of going through grief.