Middle brother syndrome: myth or reality?

The dynamic between siblings is full of stereotypes.

While the older brother is often identified as the most responsible and the caregiver, the little one is often said to be the most pampered, but he is also the one who uses the clothes and other belongings of his older brothers again.

But what about the one in the middle?

This child is popularly known as the ignored one, the neglected one, and even the excluded one, and the truth is that there are many people who do identify with these traits and effects.

“The middle child syndrome is something real, because in some families conditions can be established that facilitate this dynamic between siblings to happen,” explains psychologist Sheila García, a specialist in behavioral and contextual therapy for children and adolescents.

The term

middle child syndrome

has its origins in 1912 and was coined by the doctor and psychotherapist Alfred Adler, after developing his popular Birth Order Theory, a research in which the psychiatrist suggests that the position in which one is born can affect to personality and success in life.

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Their study also concluded that middle siblings share certain characteristics that differ from the first-born and the last-born.

According to his research, older children would be more likely to develop responsibility and younger children would have a greater sense of adventure.

For their part, halflings would have a strong desire for attention and rebellion, both within the family nucleus and outside, since they usually mediate conflicts between their older and younger siblings and because they usually feel overshadowed by them.

In summary, and always according to Adler's theory, the most outstanding personality traits of middle children would be rebellion, anger and jealousy.

But Adler's theory has been widely criticized.

For example, a 1998 report, titled

Birth Order and Family Feeling: Middle Ages Are Different

and published in ScienceDirect, compiles three studies on this theory.

The research concluded that middle children may even have more distant relationships with their loved ones, especially with mothers.

And he added that they are less likely to talk about their intimate experiences with their parents and tend to get into trouble more.

Another more recent study, prepared in 2022 and published in the National Library of Medicine (NIH) called

Ordered Delinquency: The Effects of Birth Order on Delinquency,

argues that the effects of birth order on rebellion are completely false, as there is other variables not considered such as the parental discipline style, family resources, education and the level of brotherhood in the family.

That is, the level of empathy, solidarity and respect in the family as important variables.

More jealousy, feelings of abandonment and insecure relationships

“Often, the first child tends to receive more attention, but also has more insecurities,” García continues, “just like the youngest child, who has more possibilities of learning from the situations and behaviors of the elders, but this does not mean that In all cases it happens like this.”

García affirms that there are many variables that influence how children act, and the position in which you are born does not determine it for sure.

The expert emphasizes that to avoid differences between siblings, it would be best to establish adequate, equitable emotional education with all children.

“Know our emotions, know that they are elements that are not under our control, that they are temporary and that they are not the enemy to defeat;

But it is important to make a place for them in our lives, the fact of pushing my brother or not speaking, for example, are emotions that must be managed appropriately,” she explains.

In fact, research published in 2020 by

the International Online Journal of Educational Sciences

(IOJES), titled

Does psychological birth order predict individuals' identity perceptions in emerging adulthood?,

emphasizes that without an egalitarian education the child can not feeling fully loved.

In addition, he argues that not doing so can also leave consequences and make the child feel rejected, and have that feeling of emptiness and abandonment in the future.

“Depending on the handling of the situations by, especially, parents and caregivers, as well as other close people or important contexts for the child, it will be more likely that they may feel more in no man's land or not, that they will show rebellious attitudes or no, that they compare themselves and conclude that they are inferior or that they demand more unfair situations, etc.,” emphasizes the psychologist.

While the older brother is often identified as the most responsible, the little one is often said to be the most pampered. Sally Anscombe (Getty Images)

The American Psychological Association (APA) Dictionary describes middle child syndrome as a hypothetical condition.

But many children grow up witnessing their siblings receiving attention from their parents, and all this leaves wounds.

What guidelines should parents follow to address this problem if it appears?

The essential thing in these cases, according to García, is to be prudent, to avoid, as much as possible, establishing frequent and very rigid comparisons, such as: “Your brother knows how to read better than anyone else” or “let's see if you learn from your little brother, "He really knows how to keep his room tidy."

“And, above all, you have to be careful.

If from this comparison it is usually the other who always comes out better and it is also done in a very negative and immovable way with phrases like: 'He (she) is and will be better than you all his life', it is a message that could penetrate deeply into that child,” adds the psychologist.

For her, the ideal is to value, enjoy and share those positive aspects of the child's behavior, giving time, sometimes exclusive time, for them to occur.

In short, it is best to treat each sibling as a unique individual, since each of them has a unique set of characteristics, likes and dislikes: “Get to know your child well on an individual level and show interest in his or her hobbies and activities.

Allow him to freely share his thoughts, feelings, and experiences with you.

And always treat him as unique, which will let him know that he is special in his own way.”

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