Fabiana Taul
wanted to be a mother “always”
: she daydreamed while playing with her babies.
Years passed and, as a result of her fervent desire and conscious decisions, at the end of 2023 her little son Bruno arrived.
An obstetrician, obstetrician and influencer (on TikTok she has more than 2.8 million followers), she tells
Clarín
how she went through
fertility treatments
, how she experienced pregnancy and childbirth and how the postpartum period finds her today.
Known as
“La Fabi”
, during the first months of the pandemic she opened her social media accounts to disseminate information about gynecology and sexual health from a critical perspective on the hegemonic medical system and with a strong gender perspective.
Soon, its content exploded, mainly among teenagers.
Since she publicly announced her pregnancy, her
enthusiasm
was reflected in her publications, and the pregnancy-birth-motherhood-baby combo became frequent.
The author of
The Sovereignty of Our Bodies.
A book about sexuality and other things
(Bruguera, PRH) no longer speaks only as a medical professional, but from the depths of personal experience.
Give rise to desire
For years Fabiana prioritized her studies - she received a diploma with honors from the UBA in 2014 - and her professional development - with jobs in a hospital and private practice.
“When I realized that I was ready to make space for myself and choose to conceive and mother,
I found myself single
.”
Fabiana Taul, when she published her book The sovereignty of our bodies.
A book about sexuality and other things (Bruguera, PRH).
Photo: Guillermo Rodriguez Adami.
“The first thing I did was what anyone thinks:
I downloaded dating apps and tried to date people
, but I realized that I had the
desire to have a mother
, to conceive, but
I did not have the desire to be in a relationship
.
I didn't want to share my life and my daily life with someone, I wasn't interested.
And I also felt very selfish to look for an 'other' just to satisfy my desire.”
As a gynecologist and obstetrician, she had knowledge of fertility, so she considered the idea of bringing a child without a partner, and doing it through a sperm donor.
“I talked about it with my psychologist, with my family, with friends and when I realized that it was the possibility with which I felt most comfortable, I decided to
undertake treatment
.”
Fabiana Taul (known on networks as LaFabi) Physician (UBA).
Photo Guillermo Rodriguez Adami.
From that moment on, the situation became clearer: he spoke to a fellow resident who did fertility work, and he put it first.
She would start with the medical studies and procedures, although the most challenging thing would not only be
putting the body in
, but also managing expectations and
dealing with emotions
.
Painful menstruation
He did the routine preliminary tests, which included a basic laboratory with a hormonal profile, an ultrasound, and the most feared study, the hysterosalpingogram.
“Since everything was fine, we decided to go for a
low-complexity
treatment .
I chose the
sperm bank
, and I decided not to see images of the donor as a boy: I sent a photo of me so they could choose for me.”
Three inseminations
were done
, without and with medication.
And all three failed.
“It was very painful,
you can't imagine what it's like to hurt every period
until you experience it.
“I felt
frustrated
, and that it was increasingly difficult to achieve my dream.”
"The first thing that comes to mind is 'what did I do wrong, why isn't it working for me?'
I had an abortion a few years ago, and self-flagella also appears;
All
very difficult feelings
, which if I had not been accompanied by my family, my sisters and my friends would have been impossible to navigate,” Taul recalls.
She tells
Clarín
that, paradoxically, the most difficult part of this stage had to do with the great
self-knowledge
of her body: by knowing her cycle well, knowing when she menstruated and ovulated, she recognized her own symptoms and before taking the pregnancy test, I knew it would be negative.
“It became torture.
I was surprised by the number of women who go through fertility treatments: there are a lot of us, and there is a great
need to generate a network
among those women and families who are in the same, on par with your own tribe.”
Alert, pregnant obstetrician
In her fourth attempt at insemination - which would be the last one of low complexity, since if it did not work they would go to in vitro -, she finally became
pregnant
.
In her fourth attempt at insemination, Fabiana finally became pregnant. Photo: courtesy.
Doctors often suggest to their patients
not to Google
their diagnoses or the references of their study results so as not to take loose data out of context and reach erroneous conclusions that are often frightening.
But as a doctor, Fabiana did not need to Google for the knowledge of the risks and multiple possibilities to work against her and keep her in fear for a while.
“The first trimester I was
afraid
of miscarriage or that it would be an ectopic pregnancy.
She imagined everything the most difficult.”
With the second trimester came relief, the desire to tell it, the enjoyment.
Photo: courtesy.
With the second trimester came relief, the desire to tell it, the
enjoyment
.
In the third, the fears returned.
Photo: courtesy.
In the third year the fears returned, the
hard belly
, the guards, the stopping of work and the leave earlier than expected.
The most anticipated meeting
On November 16, 2023, at 37 weeks of gestation,
Bruno
was born .
“I spent twelve hours with contractions and labor, but since I felt that I was not going to enjoy a vaginal birth, we went for the cesarean section, which was beautiful and respectful.”
On November 16, 2023, at 37 weeks of gestation, Bruno was born.
Photo: courtesy.
“
Meeting Bruno exceeded all expectations
.
Although I know that I had idealized him, he far surpassed everything.
He was born and started crying instantly;
They put it on my chest and he calmed down.
The skin-to-skin contact was beautiful and today I relive it every time I wear it in the scarf,” says the doctor.
“Meeting Bruno exceeded all expectations,” says Fabiana. Photo: courtesy.
“Pregnancy for me was something magical, feeling that inside you moves, kicks you, responds to you… It's incredible.
But
I didn't miss the belly
at any time;
Having him here with me far surpasses that.
“It was a meeting of love.”
She had chosen the name since she was a child:
Bruno was her grandfather's name
, who died when she was five years old.
“She loved Him very much;
Although I called him Tata, I loved his name and I gave it to all my dolls, my stuffed animals were called 'Bruno 1', 'Bruno 2', 'Bruno 3'... So when I got pregnant on my list of His names were Bruno, Mateo, Felipe, and Amelia and Aurora.
But before naming him I already knew it would be Bruno, and that's how it was."
"The pregnancy was magical, but I didn't miss the belly," she says.
Photo: courtesy.
After delivery she had a good recovery, but ten days later she had severe
preeclampsia
.
“During pregnancy she had not had hypertension, only edema, that is, fluid retention in the feet.
But after ten days I started having a lot of headache and very high blood pressure.
They hospitalized me because the pressure didn't go down;
Bruno was always with me and we continued breastfeeding, but it was a very stressful and traumatic situation.
I thought I was going to die.
Today I look at it from a distance and I think that it was an ugly moment that I already went through.”
After delivery she had a good recovery, but ten days later she had severe preeclampsia.
Photo: courtesy.
“In those situations I appropriated the phrase 'today is not always.'
She was hospitalized, with medication and catheters, and she thought 'this is going to happen.'
I have it as a motto.”
roller coaster
“The puerperium is a roller coaster.
You lose your identity
, you go from being Fabi to Bruno's mother.
I am 100% dedicated to him, I prioritize him in everything and I don't detach myself for a minute.
That makes me sometimes say 'I want to take a bath', 'I want to have a mate alone', and I think that's when it hits the hardest, when it's hard to separate yourself from being 'you, tit and baby', to being Fabiana."
“The puerperium is a roller coaster.
"You lose your identity," she says. Photo: courtesy.
“
There is no word 'alone' when it comes to mothering
, because I have my tribe.
We were always very close with my family, and I feel very supported.
There are also moments of crisis, because I am the mother, the one who breastfeeds and changes diapers, but I do not feel alone at any time.
Any advice to someone who dreams of being a mother and doesn't have a partner?
“
Listen to his desire
for her, her body and surround himself with good people, family, friends.
One idealizes raising as a couple and they are different forms of family
, raising and mothering;
They are all valid and beautiful.
For me the most important thing is to listen to yourself, listen to your body and listen to your desire,” says Fabiana.
Regarding the
biological clock
, he believes that “although there is a reality in terms of fertility - that the quality of the oocytes and the uterus change over the years -, there
is also a lot of social pressure
, marketing and business.
So, it is essential to listen to yourself, recognize where you stand, what you want and, once you have that, you have everything resolved, because what works against you is uncertainty.
The important thing is
to respect
what one wants.”