Do you want your partner to be more satisfied with your relationship?
Think about yourself first - this is the very surprising conclusion of a new study recently published in the journal Personal Relationships.
We asked Claude to explain to us how it works.
The study, conducted by a team of researchers from Otto Friedrich and Martin Luther Universities in the German cities of Bamberg, Halle and Wittenburg, surveyed over 200 heterosexual couples.
He found that people - and especially men - experience higher satisfaction in relationships when the partners are forgiving and understanding towards their own shortcomings.
"We found that the person's ability to respond compassionately to their shortcomings, suffering and pain in the relationship is beneficial to both partners," explains lead researcher Dr. Robert Koerner.
Self-compassion has been linked to greater personal well-being, but this research shows that it also makes people happier in their relationships, through improved conflict resolution, jealousy issues, sexuality, and more.
When you see your partner face their failures and mistakes with self-compassion, an environment of support and acceptance develops, allowing the relationship to thrive.
Unlike previous studies, this study analyzed self-compassion specifically in the context of romantic relationships, rather than in general.
The researchers also surveyed both partners, for a more complete picture.
The scientists also believe that although they focused on heterosexual couples, the findings probably also apply to same-sex partnerships.
Above all, the skill of self-compassion can be learned and applied, unlike radical personality changes, making it highly relevant for couples counseling.
They suggest to people: "When you experience a personal failure or shortcoming, you can ask yourself, 'How would I behave towards a partner if he or she were in such a situation?'. Then you can apply the same attitude to yourself."
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