“I am not enough”: five limiting beliefs in motherhood and how to manage them

Moving towards a well-thought-out and meditated life goal, such as motherhood, is not free of negative thoughts such as “I won't be able to do it” or “I won't be good enough for my baby.”

These are simple examples of what may come to mind for a future mother.

However, thinking about it, often to the point of elevating these negative thoughts to the category of facts, can become assumed to be true and, therefore, become a limiting belief.

“This is an idea and a thought that is built through acquired experience and that causes reality to be interpreted in a way that limits the personal development of a person, and that prevents them from achieving what they want,” explains the psychologist. and Barcelona personal

coach

Xavier Aparicio Felipe.

A woman fully capable of assuming the role of motherhood may convince herself that it will never be possible for her to reach an optimal level to take the step.

“Normally, these beliefs do not respond to truths or facts demonstrable through reason, but are thoughts associated with ideas that are taken as true, either out of fear, faith or trust… That is, these beliefs are not true, but "It is a reality that the person has built," analyzes the expert.

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Limiting beliefs begin in childhood.

From a young age, if in the family environment or at school children have heard that they are not good for something, or that they are not good at this or that thing, this can become established in their head and accompany them throughout their lives. his life.

“As an adult, it is most likely that our fundamental beliefs are beginning to shape our view of the world and even our lives,” says clinical psychologist Kate Tellurio, anxiety expert and author of the blog

Mom with Anxiety

. anxiously).

For this expert, these thoughts are also usually unconscious, so the person may not even know that they have them until they try to improve and advance in their life or when a vital change occurs, as in this case it may be the case. maternity.

“Limiting beliefs can affect how the person feels and cause them to become overwhelmed and anxious to the point that they see themselves in a negative way,” explains Tellurio.

Limiting beliefs also affect women who, being completely capable of assuming the role of motherhood, may convince themselves that it will not be possible for them.

Mariana Alija (Getty Images)

“The most common symptoms of these thoughts are self-sabotage, avoidance, withdrawal or perfectionism.

They are also people who want to please others or are afraid to take risks,” says Tellurio.

For this psychologist, all these symptoms are closely related and have to do with limiting beliefs, but not only in motherhood, but can also be extended to any other area of ​​change or vital personal evolution.

Five examples of common limiting beliefs and how to overcome them

Beliefs shape the way people see and interact with the world, and therefore some examples of limiting beliefs for mothers are:

Not feeling enough.

It is one of the most frequent and is usually the first thoughts of new mothers.

“Remembering that you are worthy and sufficient no matter what others say, think or do is essential, because the main reason why you are a mother to your children – or hope to be – is because they need you and only you, and for them, you are more than enough,” says Kate Tellurio.

Feeling like everyone is judging you.

Thinking that everyone judges you all the time turns against you and becomes a limiting belief if you repeat it and judge yourself non-stop.

Psychologist Xavier Aparicio recommends observing the way you speak to yourself and repeating the opposite belief.

Say: “I may be judged and criticized, but I trust myself, I do well, and I continue my experience as best I know how and that is in my hands.”

I can not do it.

“Your house looks like a jungle.

Everything is messy, your son doesn't stop crying and he doesn't even give you time to sit down for a second.

You are exhausted and the only thing you think over and over again is: 'I can't, I'm no good,' exemplifies Aparicio.

“When things get complicated we usually talk to ourselves like that in our subconscious, and we also verbalize it, but Yes, you can!” He says.

The psychologist explains that one of the ways to rewrite this negative belief is to stop, breathe and try to remember past experiences in which the woman thought that she could not do something, but she persevered and achieved it.

If I don't get everything done, it will go wrong.

For Tellurio, being immersed in constant doing and taking advantage of time is a way of feeling that achievements are intertwined through what we do.

“We always try to do more and more to show that we have value,” she notes.

To challenge this belief she recommends that women remember every day that they are enough and worthy.

“Repeat it every day, make and review a to-do list, determine what you can realistically do, and take into account your mood and that of your child and mindlessly eliminate things that are not a priority from the list” , adds Tellurio.

If I'm wrong, I'm going to fail.

This limiting belief is in line with all the previous ones and returns as if in a constant spiral.

The idea, as expressed by Aparicio, is to reformulate the belief: “A good way to reprogram the brain is to repeat the thought but positively, and train it through behaviors, behaviors and a language that is associated with it to program the new belief.” .

For example, he suggests, phrases like “I am very useful,” “I deserve the best,” and “I am going to be happy.”

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