Le Figaro Nantes
If we had told them that they would one day spend their Valentine's Day together, they certainly would not have believed it.
And yet: this February 14, around fifteen widows will meet in a Nantes restaurant.
From 7:30 p.m. to 9:30 p.m., they will share their memories, their sorrows and their moments of grace.
“Life took this date away from us.
There was a real need to talk about the loves of our lives
,” says Perrine Emeriaud Buée.
At 42, she is one of the co-founders of
“petites veuvries entre amis”
in Nantes.
This evening will be the fourth edition of these times of sharing between early widows (who lost their spouse before the age of 55).
“In mourning, we understand that talking soothes
,” relates the mother of a 6-year-old little girl.
On August 20, 2022, she lost her partner who had become her husband the day before.
“I moved the marriage forward.
We always said we would.
It was so pure and beautiful... He left just after, he was waiting for this date
,” she remembers about this timeless moment, at home, on the island of Noirmoutier.
Also read: Widowhood: why women take longer to rebuild their lives
“White mourning”
She had met her soul mate seven years ago.
At the beginning of their relationship, there were no warning signs of such a tragic fate.
Until the day the doctors detected the worst:
“Emmanuel was ill for three years.
With a fairly clear diagnosis: incurable cancer.
We knew the outcome but not the timing
.
Knowing all this, the forty-year-old began
“white mourning”
: she prepared with professionals for what awaited her.
This does not take away the pain when the fateful moment arises:
“It is said that
mourning
lasts a year.
That's not true, it lasts as long as it needs to last.
It is part of our life for the rest of our lives
,” continues the woman who found herself associate director of her husband’s company in which she already worked before.
“The first months are very hard, you have to relearn everything
,” she says, citing in particular parenting alone.
An element shared by Emmanuelle Nguyen Leudet, the other organizer of the
“petites veuvries”
in Nantes.
Mother of a 7-year-old boy, she lost her husband in September 2021:
“He fought for 16 months against pancreatic cancer”
.
“When I learned of his cancer, I told myself that we would never be able to live through this ordeal.
Then, we both surprised ourselves by enjoying life
,” shares the lawyer.
They thus offered themselves a van equipped to travel when illness allowed them.
“It’s complicated but surprisingly enough, we’re holding on.
We are carried by an instinct for life
,” she notes, at the age of 47.
Even if certain deadlines awaken sadness:
“Guillaume’s birthday was February 12.
The test has already passed.
“Valentine’s Day isn’t much,”
confides the woman who wasn’t that concerned about the lovers’ holiday.
However, she remains delighted to be able to exchange with other women who have also lost their spouse:
“We say words to each other and the other feels the same thing.
We think about it all the time while people's reflex is not to talk about it.
Being able to talk about it is good.
Taking our situation into consideration is good
. ”
Especially since this is not always the case: most of the time, the law does not allow you to claim a survivor's pension if death occurs before the age of 55.
In addition,
“we are confused at the CAF level in a single parent status.
Of course, we have a single-parent family but with grief to bear.
We are less efficient.
Everything is halved while the burden is multiplied by ten
,” observes Sophie-Charlotte Chapman, who suddenly lost her husband in 2020, on Valentine’s Day.
I hit a super thick reinforced concrete wall on my face.
At first I felt like I was in a wringer
Nathalie Garda, widowed at 57
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Nathalie Garda also felt helpless during the sudden death of her companion on June 22, 2022, at 9:35 p.m.:
“he had a brain hemorrhage”
.
At the time, she was 57 and a half, he was 60.
They lived at a distance from each other for professional reasons.
They lived fourteen years of happiness.
She hoped to end her days with him, even if they were not married:
“in the eyes of the law and society, I was nothing”
.
Almost 19 months ago, the phone calls and weekends spent at one or the other's house disappeared.
“I hit a super thick reinforced concrete wall on my face.
At first I felt like I was in a wringer.
I spent two months crying on my couch.
I took the time to go to the depths of my sorrow
.
Endowed with a dynamic temperament, the one who experienced an economic layoff at the same time, got back on track.
“I think he wouldn't have wanted me to stay crying over him all the time.
Life pulls us
.
Even if moments of sadness resurface in different forms:
“at the beginning, in front of a landscape, we start to cry because the other is not there to share it”
.
This evening, she will go for the second time to the meeting of Nantes widows.
If she is just over the required age, she remains welcome:
“it’s the state of mind that counts”
.
Especially since she easily projects herself into the lives of her peers and does not hesitate to draw inspiration from them.
“They realize that they are not alone in the ordeal, that fate has not been harsh on them and that others find themselves in complex situations
,” continues Sophie-Charlotte Chapman, from Rouen at the origin of “little widows” at the national level, on video.
She imagined the concept in connection with Happy End Association, which offers events to approach death more serenely.
“It’s an exchange between peers, without outside professionals.
This pleases: women are not there for a consultation
.
For the moment, the volunteer does not express the wish to develop these face-to-face times in her city:
“I hope one day to find the strength and the time to do it”.
But
in
the meantime, the screen filter allowing you to set a distance suits it very well.
Founder of the Happy End platform, Sarah Dumont would like other cities to get started:
“If tomorrow a Parisian widow wants to wear them, we'll launch them!
I would love to see little widows in all the big cities of France
.
Next step: discussions with widowed men.
According to data relayed by the Dialogue and Solidarity association, in 2013, there were 5 million widowed people in France, 80% of whom were women.