In reality,
First Dates
is not a love program, but about Spain.
It is a daily and wonderful little moment that reflects what we are and what others are on a first date.
Some go in search of something serious after several stumbles, others to show off on TV, feathered alive.
Those who approach the bar hot as an iron, those who say with their eyes that what they bring for dinner does not meet their demanding requirements.
In recent weeks, a woman said that she only asked that the man she was going to have dinner with have all his teeth and another man sardonically admitted: "It's enough for me that he breathe."
Sometimes hopeless romantics come, sometimes they want adventures, polyamory and twerking.
Men, women, non-binary people.
Heterosexuals, homosexuals and bisexuals.
Pansexual, asexual.
First Dates
is a program that shows modern Spain every night, shock therapy for the pre-constitutional cave, the immobilist one.
And on Wednesday night he aired a Valentine's Day special on Telecinco.
“On this day we become more
in love
,” Carlos Sobera, host of the program, warned his team of waiters.
Now that Jorge Javier Vázquez is not on the air, he may be the person who has the most fun on a television program.
Sobera has plenty of humor, he knows how to treat each of his guests.
Last night, being what it is, the program featured the presence of a violinist who enlivened the final decisions of the diners.
A bit Ara Malikian but with the eye shadows made up with virtuosity.
And now let's get to the stories, because they were perfect.
Not so much the endings.
Axel and Laila, handsome things
Axel is from Cameroon.
A handsome man without nuances.
He says nonsense like he is “romantic, both personally and in life.”
He tells truths like that he likes “browns, chestnuts, with a nice ass.”
They bring him Laila, who is a beauty who fulfills the above and, as soon as he sees her, he says: “Wow.”
When she — “I like people and guys” — tells him that in the summer she works as a bikini model, the man becomes crazy, excited.
There is little conversation because Axel has nothing else to say between dishes other than: “You are beautiful,” so they feed each other and she confesses: “she has a very penetrating look.”
Then they dance in the little room next to the restaurant and Axel decides to take it up a notch and dance a little
Dirty Dancing
, although perhaps when the movie was released he wasn't born.
“This
Magic Mike-
style erotic dance serves as a flirting tactic for me,” he confesses, with a mischievous face, as if he had just shared with Spain the greatest thing that has ever existed.
Of course, they say yes to spending a second Valentine's Day together, although what they want is for the cameras to disappear and do their cute things.
The Valentine's Day special of #FirstDatesEnT5 brings together 1,324,000 viewers and a 9.9% share.
🔝 The most watched broadcast on @telecincoes
📺 3,154,000 unique viewers. #Audiencias pic.twitter.com/ezoLoRpOuD
— GECA.
Audiovisual Consultant (@GECAtv) February 15, 2024
José and Sergio, it burns, it burns you
José is 34 years old, he is Venezuelan and he is not up for hearts or syrups.
“I love sex and I need it every day, basically.”
He also notes that he has been with about 1,000 men.
“I hope more,” he jokes.
With which we can admit, without fear of being wrong, that we are either children of Julio Iglesias or lovers of José.
It's good to have things clear.
They take him to Sergio, a very nice guy who they call 'Copon' and he wears a t-shirt with his nickname in giant size.
Dinner is, as my mother would say, dirty in content.
“I need sex every day and if not, I call Manuela.”
“You know, five against one always wins.”
Here I refrain from commenting on anything because I grew up in a house where patriarchy reigned and they covered my eyes whenever a bare shoulder was seen.
They talk about sizes.
“But are you referring to the size of the heart, the size of the hypothalamus...? says Sergio, alias 'Copón', acting a little mischievous.
Later in the room, when they have sneered a little, they have cheered for Venezuela and the romantic phrase has appeared—“I would have made you suck”—they focus on the exact number of centimeters of the virile member to end one of the most resounding sentences of the night: “More than 16 is already a missile.”
Of course, they spend a second night, but before taking the taxi they may have already put their hobbies into practice.
Carlos and Magdala, little chapels
He is 62 years old, he is a virgin but in the presentation poster they add that he has no children, lest we not believe him.
He comes with two crowns, one for him and one for his “queen” and a guitar, because she wants to greet his date with “a kind of arrow.”
As he says that his guide is Jesus Christ, as soon as the good woman appears he bursts out: “Oh Magdala, God bless you!” He hums to her.
While many of us would have chosen to call the police, run away or tell our best friend to rescue us, the saint who has dinner with him that night thinks it is a very good welcome.
“Ole, hello!” She tells him.
She likes to bless the table, and that gesture helps Carlos to consider that nothing is a coincidence, everything is providence, so she is the chosen one.
Magdala is one of those very kind people who doesn't make anything ugly as long as you feel comfortable, so everything seems fine to her until her date tells her that she is a virgin, that she is waiting to find the right person to have children and she tells him What children or what bagpipes if she is already 58 years old and, by the way, “sex for me is very important.”
Carlos is a bit tired and does not give up, he proposes adoption.
They go separately, of course.
With the guitar somewhere else.
Gaspar and Esther, trekking has no age
He is a retired tiler, he is 71 years old and appears in a shirt and jeans, a bow tie and red sneakers, and a leather jacket.
In case anyone questions his virility, he warns that when it comes to sex he is a machine: “Throughout the night, give him three.”
This may be incomprehensible, but we have to understand that one has the image of him among the neighbors.
Absolute empathy, Gaspar.
Esther appears.
Very short white hair, a very long false red braid, designer glasses, a sequin jumpsuit with the lower extremities exposed.
“My legs have grown a lot doing mountains and
trekking
.
I also really like to show my chest.”
Full with Esther too.
After the starters, she says that she likes walking and the mountains and he says that she does everything but then confesses that she doesn't know what “that training” is.
“Maybe it's like when I was living in Granada, when there was a lot of walking and hiking,” he adds.
Gaspar, when the time comes, tells him that he is not for those jogs but he is for those in the bedroom.
“I like to kiss the mouth and eat the bottom,” he clarifies.
Then he says, as a finishing touch, that he is looking for a woman like his mother.
Esther finds all this intolerable, he says that she likes them more feminine and they perform an infamous dance.
Nothing, absolute failure.
Moral: don't trust someone who wears a bow tie and matching shoes.
Óscar and Yolanda, romantics with a backpack
He is Navarrese and appears dressed as a member of Il Divo.
He is one of those who comes with a backpack, a divorce, a past.
He really likes himself because when he reaches an age, with that mop of hair, he sees life differently.
Yolanda loves that he dresses so well and has his hair so well combed, that is, a lot of hairspray and a windproof toupee.
Yolanda also has a backpack but she has put on a floor-length red dress with slits on the legs and neckline so we can see that she is looking good for a while.
On her shoulders she has tattoos, a crown and a diamond because self-esteem is very important for anyone.
He receives her with a bracelet with a heart and she may be one of those who says about herself that she has not been lucky in love but that she may be lucky tonight.
“She's exuberant,” he says of her.
Yolanda is lime and sand.
She says that she likes to “collect moments” but that they give her space.
He shares that vital philosophy.
Yolanda takes out her cell phone and shows him her Instagram account, where she appears very fresh and with little clothing.
She complains that there are people who think this is bad when she doesn't hurt anyone, except the very rancid.
He sees about 10 or 12 photos and brings out the beast in him, perhaps hidden in the toupee: “I've already added it.
This one doesn't escape me."
And she doesn't escape, of course.
They go away happy as partridges to collect moments.
And with the bracelet, of course.
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