As of: February 20, 2024, 11:00 a.m
By: Helen French
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“What?” - “I said…” - “Oh, no thanks.”
ADHD is a bit like playing a computer game that never explains the rules to you, takes over the controls unannounced, and randomly crashes when you try to do anything other than side missions.
At least that's how it is for me.
The ADHD symptoms themselves are like a box of chocolates - you never know what you're going to get (or something, I dunno, I'm not a neurologist).
What ADHD is not is a social media trend; after all, it affects almost 2.4 million adults in Germany.
If you're one of them, some of these 39 things might sound familiar to you.
1. Door frames and table edges are your natural enemies and constantly appear out of nowhere.
2. You would rather pull both your eyes out with a spoon than have to sit still and keep your mouth shut for an extended period of time...
3. ...and have to wait in long lines that move *too slowly* for you Violation of the Geneva Convention.
4. Where is my key ring?
5. You have lost more wallets, headphones, jewelry and other valuables than other people in their entire life.
6. You pay the “ADHD tax”:
fines for missed deadlines.
Things that you have to keep buying because they get lost.
Things you buy multiple times because you forget you already have them (or don't know where they are).
Subscriptions with a free period that you forget about after two seconds and then pay for the rest of your life...
7. No, really: Where is the f*cking keychain?????
8. When you're mad at someone, it's hard to hold a grudge because at some point you'll simply forget what exactly the problem was.
9. You regularly play hide-and-seek with yourself because things you had in your hand one second ago were simply swallowed up by the earthquake the next.
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10. Two days later you find said thing right in front of you.
11. You are either chronically late (because your sense of time exists in a parallel universe), or you are neurotically meticulous about being on time and appear uncomfortably late most of the time (because your sense of time exists in a parallel universe).
12. The key ring was in the refrigerator.
13. If you have an appointment at 3 p.m., the rest of the day before that is basically over.
Because if you have to be there at 3 p.m., you should leave at 2 p.m. so that you still have a buffer.
So you should basically be ready to leave the house by 1 p.m.
That means you should get dressed at 12, so ideally take a shower by 11 at the latest, so have breakfast at 10, so actually get up at 8... (in reality, you'll be done with everything by 11 a.m. and spend the rest of the time until you... you can leave the house in waiting mode).
15. You find it difficult not to interrupt people.
16. You've already been told that you're rude.
It's as if your mouth opens before your brain has time to do anything about it.
17. When someone tells you something personal about themselves, it's natural for you to respond with a similar story of your own to show: Look, I understand what you're talking about and can relate to your situation!
18. ...Unfortunately, you've also found that among neurotypical people this is seen as self-centered rather than an attempt to connect.
19. You have been asked at least once by a neurotypical person if you can give them some of your medication.
20. That moment when someone tells you something and you realize with horror that thirty seconds ago your brain took a wrong turn and you didn't hear another word.
21. Or when you read the same page of a book for the fourth time because your brain shuts down every time you read the second sentence.
22. You actually watch everything with subtitles, even if there's no language barrier, because then you *hear better*.
23. And you've wanted IRL captions at least once.
24. You often ask “What?” because what was just said hasn’t *finished* buffered in your brain yet.
A second later you finally understand what was just said.
Then you get annoyed when the person repeats themselves.
This confuses people.
25. You know what I mean when I say, “Don’t tell me what to do, but please tell me what to do.”
26. Without external structure you die like a cactus in a coal cellar, but with *a little too much* external structure you want to declare anarchy.
27. You're funny - because "class clown" used to be the only socially acceptable niche for you.
28. Maybe you weren't diagnosed until adulthood and have spent your life wondering what the hell was wrong with you.
29. You are either a chaos idiot who is constantly overwhelmed by your own disorder despite all your efforts, or someone who is extremely into order.
30. You are familiar with the magical spheres of hyperfocus.
31. And the instant rage when you're FINALLY concentrating on something and THEN YOU'RE INTERRUPTED.
32. You have a hobby graveyard where numerous started (and unfinished) projects have found their final resting place.
33. Text messaging is a dangerous game: Either you respond IMMEDIATELY, or you "do it later," which means waking up six weeks later in a sweat realizing you ghosted the other person.
34. You regularly switch between “ADHD is hell” and “I am God”…
35. ... because at times you develop superhuman abilities and creativity and get everything sorted out ...
36. ... only for everything to fall at your feet again after a week and nothing works anymore.
37. You are magically attracted to other people with ADHD and/or autism...
38. ... and somehow you seem to be able to locate each other in any group of people...
39. ... because you've finally found *normal people* who can keep up with you.
You can find out more about ADHD, mental health and the like here:
29 forms of discrimination that people with disabilities have experienced in the workplace
17 sentences you should never say to a person with autism
What 16 young people with Tourette syndrome want to tell you
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