Argylle
has once again demonstrated the obvious: a great cast does not guarantee a good final product.
It doesn't just happen in the movies: Paris Saint-Germain continues to wonder why it hasn't dominated world football with a trident valued at 360 million euros.
The adaptation of the novel that Taylor Swift did not write - the cabals of her fan base joining the dots to argue that the protagonist of the Eras Tour was the woman behind the pseudonym Ellie Conway has been one of the most absurd news of the season - has been the first big failure of 2024, despite a stellar cast that includes Bryce Dallas Howard, Sam Rockwell, Henry Cavill, John Cena, Dua Lipa, Samuel L. Jackson and Bryan Cranston and is led by Matthew Vaughn, responsible for the successful
Kingsman
.
The cast was, perhaps, one of the causes of the debacle, or rather the cast that only appeared in the trailer.
The promotional material suggested that
Argylle
was a dirty movie starring Cavill and Cena, but those who went to the cinema found that their roles were almost mere cameos and the bulk of the action had the writer played by Bryce as its epicenter. Dallas Howard.
Once word of mouth did its job, the film was doomed.
The second week it lost almost 70% of viewers.
With a budget of more than 200 million dollars, it grossed only 35 million in its first weekend, which sends it directly to the list of films whose flashy casts raised expectations that were not met.
Laurie Davidson, Rebel Wilson, Jennifer Hudson, Sir Ian McKellen, Francesca Hayward, Jason Derulo and Robbie Fairchild at the premiere of 'Cats' in London.Matt Crossick (PA Wire/PA Images / Cordon Press)
Cats (2019)
Cast
: Judi Dench, Idris Elba, Jennifer Hudson, James Corden, Ian McKellen, Rebel Wilson and Taylor Swift
The
theatrical
Cats did not have a simple genesis.
Andrew Lloyd Webber had to convince the widow of the poet TS Elliot to allow him to adapt
Old Possum's The Book of Skilled Cats,
a tough nut to crack that had previously given Disney a hard time.
When he got the rights, investors pulled out, unable to understand the concept.
And when everything seemed to be ready, just in the week of the premiere, the one who was going to be the protagonist, Judi Dench, broke her Achilles heel and had to be replaced.
But as soon as the curtain rose all doubts were dispelled and 40 years later
Cats
is one of the five most successful musicals of all time.
That reputation supported the project of Tom Hooper, responsible for
The King's Speech
, who also had at his disposal a cast of bells that included Oscar winners Jennifer Hudson and Judi Dench and the singer Taylor Swift, who also composed the main theme.
It was also supported by the previous success of musicals such as
Chicago
and
Mamma Mia
, but neither the inmates of the Cook County prison nor the ABBA emulators had had to face an enemy as cruel as defective CGI.
As soon as the first images were leaked, the criticism was stark.
Cats are the stars of modern life and masters of the Internet, but those giant kittens looked more like creatures from
The Island of Dr. Moreau
and it seems that no one wants to see cats with human breasts (and if they want, there will be a category for it in PornHub).
The public turned its back on her and critics destroyed her, but with a certain benevolence.
“It is not possible to consider it a good film.
But I don't want to invite hatred.
It is an ugly stray animal that smells bad and certainly should not be invited home.
However, he is in his species a kind of living creature, worthy of at least some basic compassion,” wrote
Vanity Fair
critic Richard Lawson.
Susan Downey, Robert Downey, Jr., Tom Holland and Emma Thompson at the premiere of 'Dolittle' in London.Lia Toby (PA Wire/PA Images / Cordon Press)
The Adventures of Doctor Dolittle (2020)
Cast
: Robert Downey Jr., Antonio Banderas, Michael Sheen and Jim Broadbent (and the voices of Emma Thompson, John Cena, Marion Cotillard, Ralph Fiennes, Selena Gomez, Tom Holland, Rami Malek, and Octavia Spencer).
It is surprising that Robert Downey Jr.'s first major work after his time in the Marvel Cinematic Universe was the adaptation of Doctor Doolittle, the character created by Hugh Lofting, especially since none of his previous steps on the screen, nor the version of Richard Fleischer with Rex Harrison nor Betty Thomas's, to the greater glory of Eddie Murphy, were an undeniable success.
Possibly they imagined that the captivating charisma of Downey Jr., capable of resurrecting again and again until he became the highest paid actor in Hollywood, becoming the most charismatic of
The Avengers
and continuing to achieve critical appreciation thanks to small projects such as
The judge
, would be enough to bring viewers to the movies.
And if his name wasn't enough, they added a plethora of stars to voice the talking animals, which included Tom Holland, Selena Gomez, Ralph Fiennes and Rami Malek.
They brought together many interesting figures, but they forgot the most important thing: a good script.
It is difficult to understand such a succession of eschatological jokes about feces and farts without an apparent link.
Perhaps part of the disaster is due to its director, the thriller expert, Stephen Gaghan, screenwriter of
Traffic
and director of
Syriana
, did not seem the most suitable to be in charge of a product aimed at a children's audience.
In the end, Jonathan Liebesman, responsible for Wrath of the Titans
, had to be called
to record extra material for three more weeks, which makes it impossible to discern who is ultimately responsible for the mistake.
He got six Razzie nominations, two of them for Downey Jr: one for worst actor and another for worst on-screen combo for the couple he formed with... his Welsh accent.
Tom Hanks, Melanie Griffith and Bruce Willis in a promotional image for 'Bonfire of the Vanities'.Archive Photos (Getty Images)
The Bonfire of the Vanities (1990)
Cast
: Tom Hanks, Bruce Willis, Melanie Griffith, Morgan Freeman and Kim Catrall.
Three talented, box-office actors and even better, stars that no one can dislike, to star in a classic by the god of journalism Tom Wolfe, with a subject as fascinating as the greed of Wall Street in the eighties and the director of masterpieces like
Carrie
or
The Untouchables by Elliot Ness
.
The bonfire of the vanities,
by Brian de Palma, was a project that could not fail and yet it collapsed like a luxurious house of cards.
Things started to go wrong when it was pointed out that there were few African-American characters (the #OscarSoWhite movement was only the culmination of a bad situation in the industry for decades) and small cosmetic changes began to be made, which did not save the filming from being received. very unfriendly in the Bronx.
Other changes were not only cosmetic and were the basis of its failure.
Wolfe's novel was not accommodating to its protagonists, but Warner Bros. thought that no one wanted to see Tom Hanks being a cynic, so it transformed him into the kind of character he usually played and all the vitriol of the original work was transformed into Honey.
Bruce Willis, who had just triumphed in
Die Hard
, was also not the best suited to play the role of a mindundi with aspirations and also posed extra problems such as arguing with De Palma, giving acting classes to his colleagues and stopping by the set with an assistant who constantly covered his incipient bald head with makeup.
Melanie Griffith also did her part in the disaster: halfway through filming she showed up with new breast prostheses that gave extra headaches to those responsible for the
relationship
.
A cast can be excellent, but not adequate, as all the Americans, Irish and Spanish who played Chileans in
The House of the Spirits know well.
And when it is a best-seller that everyone has read, it is better not to stray too far from the original material; those who went to see the adaptation of Isabel Allende's work also know that.
However, no one on the set was aware that what they were making was not a masterpiece until test screenings showed that audiences did not like it, prompting further changes that further undermined the original.
Up to that point, de Palma was so convinced of the good work he was doing that he gave full access to critic Julie Salamon to document the entire process in a book intended to be a guide on how to create a great film, but ultimately ended up titled “ “Anatomy of a fiasco.”
Catherine Zeta-Jones, Mary J. Blige, Tom Cruise and Julianne Hough at the premiere of 'Rock of Ages' in Los Angeles.Lester Cohen (WireImage)
Rock of Ages (2012)
Cast
: Tom Cruise, Alec Baldwin, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Bryan Cranston.
Russell Brand, Diego Boneta and Malin Åkerman.
We tend to believe that the man who saved Hollywood (according to Spielberg) counts his films by box office hits, perhaps because we have erased disasters like
Rock of Ages from our memory.
And in it Cruise does things so unprecedented in his filmography like singing and stops doing things as common as running.
Rock of Ages
is a musical that accumulated awards and spectators in the theater, but it is not one of those classics that everyone considers a must-see when traveling to New York.
Outside the United States, Cruise was his main attraction and, as always, nothing can be attributed to him: he is frankly good as Stacee Jaxx, a singer in low hours reminiscent of Axl Rose, unbearable and drunk, a role very far from those who have played him. consolidated as one of the great stars of recent decades.
The soundtrack includes such recognizable hits as
More than words
and Journey's
Don't stop believin'
, an anthem so powerful that it supported the most uneven moments of
Glee
, but in its translation to the screen everything that was wild and nostalgic faded away, giving rise to a lot of people dressed as
heavyweights
that only caused embarrassment, mainly because no one in the cast could sing.
“It's actually like a longer, louder version of
Glee
or
American Idol
, but with actors who can't sing instead of singers who can't act,” reviewer Candice Frederick wrote.
By trying to create an attraction for all audiences, they ended up attracting none.
Rami Malek, Andrea Riseborough, David O. Russell, Margot Robbie and Christian Bale at the premiere of 'Amsterdam' in London. Jeff Spicer (Jeff Spicer/Getty Images)
Amsterdam (2022)
Cast
: Christian Bale, Margot Robbie, John David Washington, Chris Rock, Rami Malek, Robert De Niro, Anya Taylor-Joy, Taylor Swift, Michael Shannon
There are people who will have read the succession of names that head this text and will wonder when this happened.
It happened and it wasn't long ago, but mostly it went unnoticed (although it can be seen on Apple TV).
The most promising cast in recent years had the disconcerting David O. Russell at the helm, capable of the best (
American Hustle)
and the worst (there are people who still haven't recovered from
Strange Coincidences
).
And this time it came up tails.
Amsterdam
's plot
is ambitious, like everything Russell proposes: it encompasses romance, political thriller, suspense and a little-known part of American history, the moment when the Nazis were about to put a candidate in the White House (no, it's not Trump).
However, at some point in the process something went wrong and the poor initial box office results condemned it.
What was destined to be a steamroller during the awards season saw its premiere being postponed to finally be received with an indifference that, perhaps, it did not deserve.
John Goodman, Bill Murray, Matt Damon, Grant Heslow, George Clooney, Harry Ettlinger and Robert Edsel at the premiere of 'The Monuments Men' in Berlin. Ian Gavan (Getty Images)
The monument's men (2014)
Cast
: George Clooney, Matt Damon, Bill Murray, Cate Blanchett, John Goodman, Jean Dujardin and Hugh Bonneville.
George Clooney's fifth film as a director appeared on all the lists of the most anticipated films of 2013 and has ended up appearing on the list of the most disappointing.
In addition to offering performances by stars with both fame and talent, it had a plot that made one think of a cross between
Indiana Jones
and
Ocean's Eleven
: the (real) story of a commando formed by seven historians in charge of rescuing works of art from the Nazi claws.
The premise promised action and the casting ensured a quality sheen, but all it offered was layers and layers of boredom.
Clooney, who served as director, screenwriter and actor, wanted to achieve a balance between action and adventure with a classic flavor, but all he got was an outdated pastiche that satisfied no one and in which it is not the script but the omnipresent music of Alexander Desplat which tells you when to laugh, get excited or feel tension.
The public did not sign him a blank check just because the protagonists (Clooney, Blanchett and Damon) are three of the biggest stars in the cinematic firmament and the critics did not give it their approval.
The Times
described it as “disappointing.”
There was no more cruelty either because, really, no one cared about him.
'Movie 43' poster boasts cast: Kate Winslet, Hugh Jackman, Anna Faris, Chloe Grace Moretz, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Emma Stone, Johnny Knoxville, Seann William Scott, Richard Gere and Halle Berry.Everett Collection / Everett Collection / Cord Press
Movie 43 (2013)
Cast: Hugh Jackman, Emma Stone, Richard Gere, Kate Winslet, Halle Berry, Dennis Quaid, Uma Thurman, Naomi Watts, Chris Pratt, Liev Schreiber, Gerard Butler, Anna Faris, Chloë Moretz and Jason Sudeikis.
“Why did so many Hollywood stars sign up for this humiliation?” The Guardian
asked
after the premiere of
Movie 43
.
It was not the harshest thing that was written about one of the films with the most stars per
frame
in the history of cinema.
And these are not fading luminaries in search of one last big check, like those in the disaster movies of the seventies, but first swords in their heyday.
Critics, who had to go through the box office because there were no prior showings, got their boots on the ground with Peter Farrelly's film.
The Toronto Star
described it as “the biggest waste of talent in the history of cinema,”
delving into the drama of seeing all of Hollywood making jokes about pee, poop and menstruation in a succession of unconnected gags.
“Did someone hold Kate Winslet's children hostage?”
Vulture
asked .
“Did they threaten to publish compromising photos of Emma Stone?
Did Richard Gere or Hugh Jackman have gambling debts?
There are various arguments to explain why Oscar-winning stars were making jokes about testicles.
In some cases it was friendship: a film that united fourteen sketches had so many scriptwriters, directors and producers that everyone knew a star to ask a favor from.
In others, the belief that making a film closer to an episode of
Jackass
than to a Golden Bear contender would bring them closer to that type of young audience that had turned its back on cinema.
And, probably, in other cases it was simply a matter of money.
Although it seems that all of Hollywood is part of the cast, there were stars like George Clooney and Colin Farrell who refused to participate.
What no one can claim is ignorance: at least until the soporific
Green Book,
the surname Farrelly was synonymous with semen and testicles jokes and the gross and excessive humor that runs through all the gags of
Movie 43
, most of them much less fortunate than other works of the producer, like
There's Something About Mary
or
Pegado a ti
.
But it wasn't all bad reviews, there were those who knew how to find beauty in chaos.
“It's rare to see a piece of shit that actually looks and sounds like a piece of shit,” wrote
The
New York Magazine
.
“It's even exciting!”
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