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Educate in consent from childhood.
This is the premise on which Carmen Esteban
(Valencia, 35 years old), health psychologist specialized in the perinatal, childhood and adolescence stages, bases her new story
With feeling.
The body is only touched with permission.
(Timun Mas Infantil, 2024).
“From the moment our children learn to speak – from about a year and a half old – we can explain and give names to the private parts of their body: mouth, chest, ass, vulva or penis.
So that you know your body and respect it,” says this expert who also gives talks aimed at families in schools, nursery schools, town halls and
online platforms,
in addition to having more than 120,000 followers on her Instagram profile.
The book, which is recommended for children from the age of three and has illustrations by Júlia Quintana, addresses the issue of sexual abuse in childhood and complements it with a guide for families and educators who want to educate with respect and awareness: “ Prevention is the best ally.
It is advisable to talk to minors and not make them believe that they have to place blind trust in everyone around them and think that they will never be harmed.”
More information
What do I do when I feel like yelling at my child?
Four experts give their advice
ASK.
Is it right for parents to urge their children to say hello or say goodbye with a kiss?
ANSWER.
Education and physical contact should not be associated.
Saying hello or saying goodbye is a social skill and it is very good that we teach children to do it, but why through physical contact?
Giving kisses and hugs is not a social skill, it is something we do out of love and trust and even so we don't always feel like doing it.
Q.
What do children perceive when they are forced or blackmailed to do something and how can it affect them?
A.
Emotional blackmail is a manipulation tool.
When we blackmail a child we are asking him to disconnect from her emotions and act as we want or, otherwise, we will make him feel less loved.
This directly affects his self-respect because he learns that what others expect or want from him is more important than his needs.
See this post on Instagram
A shared post from Carmen Esteban (@mipsicologainfantil)
Q.
What should a child know when he or she feels an unpleasant emotion toward someone?
A.
That unpleasant emotion is not bad, but rather it is alerting you and, surely, protecting you from some danger.
The child must learn to listen to it and act based on it.
One of the reasons why people feel bad about themselves is because the think-feel-act triangle is not in harmony.
We must learn to listen to our feelings and thoughts to act according to them.
Q.
How can you explain to children how to react when touched without permission?
A.
In the story, Enzo poses this same question.
An important exercise to do at home is to ask children which adults they trust and, once they answer, it is a good idea to explain to them that if someone ever touches them without permission, they should always tell someone they trust.
"It is a good idea to talk to minors and not make them believe that they have to place blind trust in everyone around them," says psychologist Carmen Esteban. Morsa Images (Getty Images)
Q.
The protagonist's mother talks to him about consent.
How can you explain to them how to say “no” without fear?
A.
Assertiveness is a social skill that consists of knowing how to say “no” while respecting others.
Before we were told that we should put the interests of others above our own or else we would be selfish.
Selfishness is different from self-respect.
You can learn to say “no”—it can be taught from the age of three—and think of yourself in a respectful way.
In the story there is a downloadable activity for families and educators that serves to train assertiveness.
Q.
The person who abuses asks the child to keep the secret: Should children know that they should not hide from their parents what causes them discomfort?
A.
Totally.
It is important to explain the difference between secret and surprise.
A secret is something that generates discomfort, usually covers up another person and is hidden in the long term.
On the other hand, surprise generates a pleasant feeling, it holds something nice for another person, who will end up knowing what it is.
See this post on Instagram
A shared post from Júlia Quintana (@julsquintana)
Q.
Child sexual abuse is a form of violence that is difficult to identify, what are some of the indicators?
A.
It is difficult to detect because most of the time it is caused by a family member or someone close to the minor's environment.
This often makes the child feel confused, afraid to speak in case something happens to the abuser or they are not believed, or they feel shame or guilt for what has happened to them.
Therefore, it is important to pay attention to the warning signs.
Some of these would be sudden changes in your behavior or on an emotional level, social withdrawal, loss of appetite, hyperactivity, aggressive behavior, using language or sexual behavior inappropriate for your age, compulsive masturbation, feeling ashamed of being seen naked, fear or anxiety to a certain person, regressions at the level of development (enuresis, encopresis), inexplicable fears, nightmares...
Q.
In the event that the child is a victim of sexual harassment, how should the parents act?
A.
We must listen to him, respect his times and silences.
When asking questions, they should be open-ended, such as: “What time of day did it happen?”
Instead of asking leading questions like “what happened when you were sleeping?”
It is also important to validate his emotion and empathize with him: “This must be difficult for you.”
It is essential to assure him that you are going to help him.
If the minor asks us not to tell anything, we must always tell him the truth and not lie to him, not tell him that the secret is going to be kept, because it is essential that the child maintains trust in the long term so that his behavior does not change later. version.
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