Aviophobia, aerodromephobia, aerophobia... There is no shortage of words to describe the torment of my family of hearts, the lucid ones, those who know that it is unacceptable to be seated in a steel tube levitating in the atmosphere.
In our eyes, the absence of fear in others reflects a lack of imagination that is as culpable as it is enviable.
However, for a long time I was one of these foolish people, until my destiny changed over Florida, when a hostess asked us to
“properly hold”
our meal trays because it was going to
“shake”
.
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I miraculously survived - partly thanks to the fact that nothing happened in the end.
But that day, something cracked.
Since then, I have been convinced that each flight will put an end to my existence.
To my right, serial panic attacks that even minute upgrades to
business class
(good deal alert) cannot stop.
To my left, an attempted pre-takeoff escape that sparked the ire of the crew members.
In the middle, aborted vacations, jaded travel companions, but also New York arrived by cargo ship, endless car journeys and the financing of European rail alone.
“Statistically, flying is the safest means of transportation.”
I'll stop you right away, those who worry about altimeters know your statistics by heart.
We even messed with aerodynamics, assimilated the concept of lift… Nothing helped, the fear remained.
From what exactly?
That of ending up in confetti, overall.
If we have to go into details: simultaneous deaths of the pilots, meteorite that pierces the cabin, missile, supersonic otter, whatever.
If people win the lottery, others inevitably die on planes.
What is certain is that 100% of the winners tried their luck.
Who's next ?
Anxiolytics and beta blockers
For years, I drank my phobia from the fountain of the internet.
I dissected the crab landings, scrutinized the burning Concorde, read the cockpit transcripts of the Rio-Paris, scoured the Wikipedia page on the disappearance of Malaysia's MH370.
Through the magic of serendipity, I also discovered that the deadliest crash in the history of aviation took place on the day I was born.
"
And ?
», you will tell me.
Well, I read it most rationally as confirmation of the accident to come, a sort of warning from the universe.
Alongside this clandestine research, I officially attempted to treat myself.
I started with hypnotherapy, without success.
My inability to let go led the therapist to offer to reimburse me for the sessions just so I would stop coming.
If those around me blamed this poor woman for her lack of professionalism, I know very well that I almost pushed her into madness.
Listen to -
Advice from a former pilot to stop being afraid of flying
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I then opted for cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), with, on the menu, progressive exposure to the object of my anxieties combined with relaxation and meditation techniques.
Another failure, even though it works very well for the majority of phobics.
In desperation, I decided to drown the problem in alcohol, with a clear outcome: migraine and boomerang effect guaranteed at 10,000 meters of altitude.
The last chance internship
These unsuccessful attempts were all the more regrettable as I then had to make several domestic flights in South America (and therefore died in the very short term).
I fell back on anxiolytics and other beta-blockers made available to me by supportive phobics, notably ingesting a pill graciously offered by a terse aviophobic Serbian who told me:
“Plane ok, sniper drug”
.
This last flight went normally - if listening to the same song over and over and crying for nine hours is in the realm of normality.
But on the way back, when I extolled the merits of these miraculous substances, I was told that it was
“not very healthy, anyway”
.
Back to the psychologist box.
Three years of weekly consultations and several thousand euros gone later, I'm better, thank you.
The plane, on the other hand, is always niet.
I remain somewhat convinced that only my vigilant anxiety prevents the screws from unscrewing, the probes from freezing and the pilots from doing the irreparable.
Except that I have to go to Tokyo next April.
So I'm trying a last-ditch operation by signing up for Air France's anti-stress course.
I'm already panicking at the idea of it working: if I let my guard down, we're done.
Our next episodes
The anti-stress course as if you were there
Boarding the Paris-Tokyo flight
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Tourism: should we stop flying?