During upbringing it is inevitable to engage in certain conversations with fathers and mothers.
Addressing topics such as sexuality, drug use or mental health should not be considered a problem.
Talking about it is totally necessary and knowing how to handle the conversation is an important part of education.
Experts agree on the need to have open communication, answering minors' questions honestly, adapting the information to their needs and interests and keeping the door open for future conversations.
Víctor Blanco Pérez, responsible for municipal plans on drugs and coordinator of the health promotion and prevention strategy in the municipality of Arganda de Rey, states that in the face of a phenomenon as complex as drug consumption, intervention must be made from different areas.
“From the family member, coping strategies must be implemented that must revolve around two variables related to upbringing, such as control and affectivity.”
As the expert explains, control is achieved through clear rules and affectivity—the set of feelings and emotions of an individual, as well as the character assumed by a certain psychological state—as the basis of relationships at home.
“And both must be put into practice from the beginning of upbringing, that is, at very early ages,” he continues, “the prevention of drug use from this area is more related to this than to the mere transmission of knowledge and information.” regarding the consequences that ingesting toxic substances can have on the development of our minors.”
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Encourage openness: Parents should allow their child to express their emotions without judging.
Let him know that it is normal to have emotional ups and downs and that you are there to support him.
Blanco also explains that fathers and mothers must be role models.
“Conversations about drug use must be approached from positions that are neither alarmist nor moralistic and have been well documented with evidence-based information in relation to these substances.”
Sexuality is another topic that families often have a harder time dealing with when having a conversation.
Raquel Hurtado, psychologist and sexologist at Sedra (Family Planning Federation), believes that families contribute something that no professional can: “They offer a framework of attitudes and values, they answer the first questions and have the possibility of nurturing the self-esteem of their families. children".
Hurtado offers some keys to approaching a conversation about sex with children and adolescents:
It's not all or nothing.
Some families think of the conversation about sexuality as a matter of now or never.
This short sexual education only leads to what has normally been called
the talk
: two minutes of conversation to tell the children to put on the condom or to be careful.
Family sexual education is built day by day.
A series, a movie, a song, a comment... can help us ask minors: “What do you think?”, “What would you do in this situation?”
To use everyday life, it is important to stop judging or criminalizing the role models of young people.
From the beginning, without postponing it until adolescence.
We have sexuality from birth, and from that moment sexuality can be educated.
This is achieved by knowing and naming the body, helping to identify and communicate what they like and what they don't, training interpersonal and communication skills that will come into play in relationships or helping to manage emotions.
Sexuality is not sexual relations.
It is a broader sphere that includes identity, self-esteem, body, desires or relationships, among others.
Sexual education has to be linked to the answer to the questions that minors ask.
To achieve this objective, it is essential to have information and understand what is intended, always adapting it to your needs and abilities.
To do this, it is interesting to ask questions like: “Why do you want to know?”, “Where have you heard it?”, or “What have you heard about this?”
This helps them to know what they already know and to give answers tailored to what they need.
There are children who don't ask.
You cannot force them to tell their things;
But parents can throw ideas, make comments, express opinions and, above all, make it clear that their door is open for whatever they need, if at any time a difficulty arises.
A series, a walk or a song can help parents ask their children: “What do you think?”, explains Raquel Hurtado.Kentaroo Tryman (Getty Images/Maskot)
For Miguel Guerrero, specialist in suicidal behavior, clinical psychologist and Mental Health Coordinator at the Virgen de la Victoria University Clinical Hospital (Málaga) and head of the Cicero Suicide Prevention Unit, addressing conversations about mental health with children can be delicate, but it is crucial.
It is important to be attentive to possible warning signs that indicate the presence of some psychological disorder in them.
For Guerrero, there are some key points to have a kind, honest and warm, but direct, interview with minors:
Establish an environment of trust.
First of all, parents have to ensure that the environment is comfortable and private so that their son or daughter feels safe sharing their thoughts and feelings, keeping in mind that the bond of trust must be cultivated and nurtured from the beginning. the upbringing.
If they have never had an intimate conversation, they are not usually concerned about their problems, or their privacy has not been respected, it is possible that the child or adolescent will not trust them when she needs it.
They must take care of this aspect over time.
Encourage openness.
Parents should allow their child to express their emotions without judging.
They need to let him know that it is normal to have emotional ups and downs and that they will be there to support him.
But you don't have to tell him
little battles
or throw
sermons or give advice about what they did when they were children.
It is important to simply validate their feelings.
Less talking and more listening.
Listen actively.
Pay attention to what your child has to say.
Show empathy and understand his feelings, even if he doesn't agree with them.
Avoid minimization.
Parents should not minimize or belittle their child's concerns.
Educate about mental health.
Explain in a simple and clear way what mental health is, banishing stigmas and myths.
Emphasize that it is as important as physical and social health.
Just as knowledge and information about aspects of physical health are transmitted, children can be taught the importance of mental health care.
Normalize help seeking.
Inform them about the normality of seeking professional help when necessary.
Promote self-care.
Parents should teach the importance of self-care, such as promoting adequate sleep, a balanced diet, and regularly engaging in activities that bring pleasure and relaxation.
Explore solutions together.
Parents can ask them what helps them feel better and encourage them to set achievable goals.
Keep communication open.
Establish a constant communication channel.
Parents should say that they are always willing to talk to them about their concerns, no matter how small they may seem.
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