Who and what monogamy/AP, Reuters, Getty Images, Shutterstock
Life is a fragile thing, one moment you are down and the next you are up, and sometimes one bad decision or a bit of bad luck can disrupt everything that is familiar and orderly.
This is what happened to Gilat (pseudonym), when she suddenly went from an orderly and comfortable bourgeois life, to a woman in need.
Gilat, a single mother of three children, tells candidly about the ups and downs she has experienced in her life in recent years.
"I came from another world, from a very orderly and organized life, living at a certain level. An average Israeli home - a working mother, a full-time job in the field of dentistry, and I was able to live a normal life without the help of anyone."
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Gilat came from the ultra-Orthodox world and found herself divorced + 2 already at the age of 21. "I married a Hasidic Vinzhnitz and we divorced because we didn't Good communication, we didn't know how to get along well. We were small children who were still developing. He is a lovely person, but not for me," she says.
The divorce led Gilat to choose a different lifestyle from the home she grew up in and she left with a question.
Her new life created a growing gap between her and her ex-husband, until there was a disconnect between him and the children and she found herself raising them alone.
"He did not alienate the children, but little by little the gap grew religiously. At some point the children are secular and he is ultra-Orthodox. When they came to him as part of the sighting arrangements, there was a very noticeable dissonance. Something led to a conversation and I believe he probably either asked or was told by the rabbis or someone in the community that it doesn't fit. He already remarried and even had another child, and hosting his two secular children in his home no longer fit the atmosphere, so a disconnection was created."
"When I saw the diapers, wipes, and blanket for the baby, I was very excited."/The Social Bank
Despite the separation from her husband and the loosening of relations with her ultra-Orthodox family, Gilat managed to stand on her feet and provide for her children with dignity.
She moved from the central region to the northern region, bought a house and a car and lived a good and comfortable life.
Two years ago, when her children were already relatively older (ages 11 and 12), she became unplanned and unwanted pregnancy which disabled her and she had to leave her job.
"I felt with myself that I was not able to be alert and hold myself during the pregnancy, and already in the middle of the sixth month I had to leave work and go on early maternity leave. I found myself without a job, and the father of the new baby was not in the picture either."
Very quickly the salary from the early maternity leave ran out and Gilat started going into debt.
"Living on the minus is something I didn't know and didn't know before. I've always been the average Israeli,
who managed to buy a house by himself, who has a car, who lives on a nice average salary that made it possible to close the month. Suddenly I'm not working, pregnant, terribly weak, zero help and two children who need to raise and support. I reached a point where I didn't know how I would support myself and my children."
Your family, parents, weren't in the picture?
"I didn't have much contact with my family after the divorce. There was no definite ostracism, but I realized over the years that it was more appropriate for me to find my corner away from them and not stir up demons."
So how do you end up getting along?
"Already during my pregnancy I went into debt and when my child was born, I had additional expenses on top of the existing deficit. Whether it's the mats, diapers, clothes for the child and more. The bottom line is this is another mouth that I can and need to take care of, and I'm starting to feel it hard in my pocket, I understand that the child This little one needs to eat, and I have nowhere to give him."
What about turning to welfare?
Social workers in the municipality?
"Welfare didn't know me, because I wasn't a welfare patient. I never got help from anyone. They knew very little about me, that I was postpartum and alone, nothing beyond that. They didn't really want to help me because they said I had a house and a car and that I would sell them. But It's not that simple. My car was already repossessed, so it wasn't technically possible. And I didn't want to sell my house, I only moved into it 5 years before, I got it with hard work and ten fingers. I just moved into the house and already they want to take it away from me? ".
In the end, she received help from welfare on very specific occasions but not beyond that, and had to find a quick solution.
"I searched and wandered between telephones and associations until I found the Social Bank for Baby Food. I very quickly received the first aid and when it arrived I was shocked. It was before Pesach and it helped me at the level of air to breathe. I didn't know myself with so much happiness. I remember exactly the moment I received it For the first time, the aid package. I sat on the sofa in the living room and opened the package with great anticipation. When I saw the diapers, wipes, and the blanket for the baby, I was very excited. It was the first time since I fell into a crisis that I felt that I was not completely alone and that someone was thinking about me and my children. I felt a great relief And I hope that I can get out of the difficult situation."
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"It was the first time since I got into a crisis that I felt I wasn't completely alone"/The Social Bank
Little by little, Gilat managed to recover and return to a normal life routine.
"I wanted to go back to my previous job but it didn't work out in terms of hours. I tried to make changes and adjustments but in practice it just wasn't possible for me."
After further searches, Gilat found herself in a new workplace, this time in the pension field.
A job that allowed her flexibility in her hours so she could take care of her baby son.
"In the last two months, the baby's father also came back into the picture a little, albeit in a minor way and not as it should be, but it helps. There are days he is with him and then I can stay a little later at work and work overtime."
It sounds like your life was on a safe track and a bit of bad luck disrupted everything
"Just like that. All my life I was on the giving side, and it was very difficult for me to ask for help. To admit that I need someone to help me right now."
Gilat says that today she was able to put her life in order, took one concentrated loan and spread it out in a way that she could afford, and thus was able to pay back all the small loans she had.
"I'm still in debt. Consider that I actually didn't bring in a salary for ten months, from the moment my son was born, and it dragged me into a very large deficit of about NIS 100,000. It was also difficult mentally - phone calls from the bank, inquiries from friends or family members from whom I borrowed money and they wanted it Back. It's not pleasant, I felt like I was rolling between funds and draining the savings I had. With the centralized loan and the coverage of the small and scattered debts, at least I have peace of mind and order, because it's impossible with this pressure."
The closing of the circle for Gilat was when she returned to being the giving party - now she volunteers at the social bank for baby food that helped her during the difficult period of the economic crisis.
How did you decide to volunteer?
You are in debt, mother of a small baby and two other children, you work... where does the energy and time come from?
"It was so clear to me that a place he gave me, I will give him back. I am so happy that I can give back.
Even if it's small, because I remember that for me, when I got the help it wasn't small, I felt like it was a whole world.
When I was busy with debts and minuses and so many people I had on my mind, at least I was calm that the matrons were coming, and if I was organized - the child would have something to eat."
"A place he gave me, I will give it back. I am so happy that I can give back" Volunteers at the Social Bank for Baby Food/The Social Bank
Gilat currently volunteers at the Social Bank for Baby Food and serves as an ambassador.
The embassies at the Social Bank for Baby Food are the heart of the association's work, they are in continuous contact with the families in need and deliver the assessments to their doorsteps.
As part of their work, they coordinate and collect purchased or donated equipment and transport it to the appropriate families.
Beyond that, they make sure to be in touch with the families and often try to help in other areas as much as possible.
Gilat in her position is more than "just" an ambassador, she is a regional coordinator and is responsible for several embassies that are under her area of responsibility in the north.
Gilat actually found in this volunteer role a closing of the circle for the difficult period she went through herself: "When I help and support women who have found themselves in a situation similar to mine, I feel immense satisfaction and a sense of meaning. I know exactly what they feel and what they are going through, so my help is very personal and relevant to them. When I see them get out of the crisis thanks to the support, it gives me the energy to continue helping more and more women. I know how much these mothers need every Materna package."
Gilat says that her help also extended beyond baby food - "Today people know that I volunteer with families and know to give me toys or clothes for babies and children because they know that I will find a place for them with a family in need."
You would have been in need, but as you described, it wouldn't have looked that way from the outside.
You may not have answered the stereotype of a poor family.
Do you see more families like this as part of your volunteering?
"You're right. I didn't answer the stereotype and I'm sure there was someone who raised an eyebrow. After all, I had a new house, furniture, a car. But people forget that these are things I had before, things I bought before the crisis. So yes, I didn't answer the stereotype, but the bottom line was that I needed For the most help in the world. And to your question - I don't judge any family I come to. Yes, I saw a family that drives in a big, new Jeep, a beautiful house and a woman who is happy with her life. But I don't judge, I don't know what happens to her when she closes the door. We can never know what is really going on, even when it looks the exact opposite on the outside."
Sounds like it's even harder to ask for help in situations like this.
From the feeling that no one will believe
"From my experience, if good people can help you, they do it voluntarily and no one forced anyone to give help. If someone offers you help and you really need it - take it."
Gilat's story is inspiration and hope.
He illustrates that even in the most difficult times, it is always possible to find light in the darkness and turn difficulty into strength and lever for growth.
"It's never too late to ask for help and change direction in life" Gilat says with a smile.
"There is always the possibility of finding good in the bad, and enlightening others as well."
These days the bank is collecting donations to expand its circles of support, you can get in touch for volunteering or donating through the website
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