Pygmalion Effect: when the expectations of fathers and mothers are not those of their children

There are certain attitudes of fathers or mothers that are repeated from generation to generation.

One of them is to generate expectations in children with the aim of achieving certain goals that adults did not achieve or directing their steps so that they achieve personal desires.

Thus, some parents send their offspring, despite their indifference, to kumo classes to develop their potential;

others accompany them to painting classes to see if they study Fine Arts in the future;

and there are those who do continuous drifts with toy racing cars hoping to awaken interest in automobiles.

The aspirations that parents project onto their children are part of what is known as the Pygmalion effect.

In 1965, Robert Roshental, a psychologist and Harvard professor who gave it its name, and the American educator Leonore Jacobson investigated how teachers' expectations of their students' performance could influence their actual performance.

The two found that when teachers believed that certain students were intellectually talented, those students tended to show an increase in academic achievement.

This dynamic suggests that the expectations of others can affect people's behavior, so that prophecies come true.

Although this phenomenon by which one person's beliefs directly influence the behavior, performance and results of another is not always a positive thing.

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In this type of parental gestures there is the underlying conception, which is not always conscious, that children are an extension of their own ego.

“In such a way that their achievements and failures are perceived a bit as their own.

Few people find their own failure tolerable, and sometimes the failure of their children is even more painful.

Very high expectations, own frustrations and unfulfilled desires are projected so that they are satisfied by their children and adolescents,” explains María Sánchez Corrales, general health psychologist and founder of Crezando Psicología.

From the moment one knows that he is going to be a father, an image of that son begins to be generated;

A prenatal bond and an idea about what is expected of him begins.

“As a good protective mechanism, we think about positive things, especially if it is a chosen and desired motherhood,” says perinatal psychologist Diana Sánchez.

“Since the desire to have a child is usually accompanied by many projects for themselves, life changes for the parents and the entire family, parents project their own unfulfilled or frustrated desires onto the path of their own life and In this way, children become that thread of continuation of the story itself.”

The expectations that are projected onto children have influence on many levels, and sometimes it is a positive thing.

“If you have high expectations, and they are met, the development of skills is facilitated, such as if we talk to them from a young age about what we consider they are brilliant at,” says Sánchez.

The Pygmalion effect can become effective if children are valued positively, if their abilities are reinforced and enhanced so that they can achieve their dreams, according to Sánchez.

“By having positive expectations,” she continues, “parents influence their children's behavior and, in turn, their way of acting has an impact on others, creating a circular effect.”

However, other times it can be negative, since children do not always reach the required goal, which generates frustration and a feeling of failure in parents.

“Minors try not to disappoint, to fulfill those requirements, which is called a self-fulfilling prophecy.

But it is negative if adults only focus their attention and care around these supposed potentialities: children will think that this is their value, which can cause them to not feel genuinely loved,” explains the psychologist.

At school, creating expectations for students also has beneficial effects, according to some studies.

For example, the article

, published in 2023 in the journal

, shows that the efficient effort of teachers is positively related to the performance of students. students as well as with self-concept and negatively with anxiety towards mathematics.

Also the text

of 2005, published in the

states that the teachers' spirit "does impact the students." , and this can be particularly strong for students from stigmatized groups.”

“Encouraging students to challenge themselves, to believe that they are capable of performing certain tasks, to have greater self-confidence, is positive for stimulating their abilities,” says Sánchez.

However, as this expert reiterates, this practice can present the other side of the coin: that expectations are negative, or excessive;

Don't teach yourself how to handle frustration;

that it is not understood that not everyone can be Einstein or Rosalía or Bill Gates or that one is not a failure for not always obtaining the maximum score in the exams.

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